How to handle the "why are you still single?" question.

Person_one

VestanPance wrote: »

Women really seem to over think this stuff, or for some bizarre reason get snippy about being asked. It's a simple question with a simple answer. You're either not looking, or haven't met the right person yet. What's to get upset about?

Well, seeing as society tells us from the time we're little girls that our goal in life should be to snag a nice husband and make babies, and that if we don't then we're sad spinsters to be pitied, there's a tiny bit of pressure to conform.

Note the different connotations of the words 'bachelor' and 'spinster'.

VestanPance

Person_one wrote: »

Well, seeing as society tells us from the time we're little girls that our goal in life should be to snag a nice husband and make babies, and that if we don't then we're sad spinsters to be pitied, there's a tiny bit of pressure to conform.

Note the different connotations of the words 'bachelor' and 'spinster'.

I think all of that is in peoples heads. I don't think in modern society such things are unexpected or uncommon.

I also don't think there's any difference between single blokes or women in society either. Except I'd say as we age I'd bet a higher percentage of single men are more isolated, as a number men don't tend to hunt out the social situations that many women do.

The bachelor comment is absurd as it tends to be used to with thoughts of 20 something men with a string of dates. Hardly 40/50/60 something men sitting at home alone with no female company what so ever as I'd bet is far more common.

Person_one

VestanPance wrote: »

I think all of that is in peoples heads. I don't think in modern society such things are unexpected or uncommon.

I also don't think there's any difference between single blokes or women in society either. Except I'd say as we age I'd bet a higher percentage of single men are more islotated, as a number men don't tend to hunt out the social situations that many women do.

The bachelor comment is absurd as it tends to be used to with thoughts of 20 something men with a string of dates. Hardly 40/50/60 something men sitting at home alone with no female company what so ever as I'd bet is far more common.

You have no idea.

VestanPance

Person_one wrote: »

You have no idea.

I have an idea. It's that simple questions with simple answers push some womens buttons.

If it does it is obviously hitting a sore point, because if it wasn't then they'd just give the simple answer.

Person_one

VestanPance wrote: »

I have an idea. It's that simple questions with simple answers push some womens buttons.

If it does it is obviously hitting a sore point, because if it wasn't then they'd just give the simple answer.

Its so good there are men like you around to tell us how women think, I just wouldn't know how to on my own!

VestanPance

Person_one wrote: »

Its so good there are men like you around to tell us how women think, I just wouldn't know how to on my own!

Getting thrashed in a debate try lowering the tone by referencing sexism. Awesome work.

Person_one

VestanPance wrote: »

Getting thrashed in a debate try lowering the tone by referencing sexism. Awesome work.

Are you suggesting sexism doesn't exist?

Awesome.

This forum's depressing me tonight, I'm going to go and read about house prices instead!

vicx

miss_independent wrote: »

Apologies if this seems daft but at this time of year I seem to bump into a lot of people I haven't sen for years and one question keeps cropping up and always leaves me flustered. I was hoping some of you wise MSEers would have some advice. The scenario is as follows, I bump into an old schoolfriend's mother or an ex work colleague or a distant relation and, genuinely, the conversation seems to go;

"Hello there, I haven't seen you for ages. How are you doing?"

Me: "Very well, thank you. And you?"

"Fine, fine. So, do you have a boyfriend?"

Me: " No actually, I'm single at the moment."

"ARE YOU? Why?"

Cue embarrassment.

If I was in this position I would answer with 'No, I know what I deserve and I am not settling for anything less'

or 'Yes, but he's with his wife today' just to see their reaction.

VestanPance

Person_one wrote: »

Are you suggesting sexism doesn't exist?

Awesome.

This forum's depressing me tonight, I'm going to go and read about house prices instead!

No if you could please point out where I said sexism doesn't exist that would also be awesome, or rather try staying on target and not deflecting from the debate at hand.

miss_independent

VestanPance wrote: »

Women really seem to over think this stuff, or for some bizarre reason get snippy about being asked. It's a simple question with a simple answer. You're either not looking, or haven't met the right person yet. What's to get upset about?

Thanks for your two cents, it's always good to get other viewpoints. To answer your question, generally these people don't take I haven't met the right person yet for an answer and want to know exactly what you are doing wrong and are you, as a woman, aware that your biological clock is ticking etc, it isn't nice to be told in your mid twenties, especially when you do want children, that you aren't getting any younger *dear* and don't leave it too late. It is the inference that you are somehow doing wrong, or should somehow lower your standards to accept anything with an appropriate appendage, be less attractive, more attractive, more intelligent, less intelligent - ANYTHING to get ANY man to settle down with you, that upsets me. Or alternatively that you should be some sort of magician and conjure up a man out of thin air. And this
is not imaginary, because I have heard how other single women are spoken about. Helen Fielding made a fortune through satirising how single women are treated in society thanks to Bridget Jones's Diary, the reason people found it funny was because of the element of truth. Overall, I believe people have a right to be single without being made to feel guilty or wrong and so I do get upset with those who are determined to make me dwell on being single when I'm just getting on with my life until I do meet the right man.