Huge debt shock from my 17 year old

CuppyCake

frazzledmother wrote: »

Yes, it's been horrendous. But, for those who believe that I've been an appalling poor mother and have failed, it seems, on every level, I would say that it must be fantastic to be so perfect, and to have such a perfect family. Good luck to you.

I hope very much that all of this is over. It's been extremely distressing and those people who've offered me support here have been so helpful.

I think you have been truly fantastic, good luck to you and your family.

Vikipollard

Really pleased that things have reached a plateau for you.

Chrisblue1962, whilst I agree with your sentiment per se, the reality is that we all do what we can to support our children in the way that we feel is the best. I have waxed lyrical about how if my kids got into trouble etc, I'd march them straight to the police and expect them to throw the book at them ~ but if it had happened, would I? Or would I have tried to work through it with them to get them to accept what they'd done wrong and how to put it right?

Fortunately for me, my four (2 kids & 2 stepkids) have not (so far) fallen off the path, but I personally feel that unless you've been in the situation Frazzled was in or one similar, you can't know how you would react.

Frazzled, I hope your son works hard to get his A levels, and engages with the school counsellor. Above all, I hope he recognises how fortunate he is to have such fantastic support from his family and friends.

Enjoy your Christmas

lemonpopsicle

Frazzled I don't think you could have done any better in the circumstances, none of us can really know what we would do faced with the same problems. It's the most difficult job in the world being a good parent, you never really know whether you've done the right thing and unfortunately the little darlings don't come with a manual. x

Alibear

Chrisblue1962 wrote: »

In my book, any parent who knowingly allows their child (being 17 means he is still a child by the way) to associate with drug dealers, take drugs themselves, get involved in criminal activity and owe money to criminals is acting in a totally irresponsible, unacceptable not to mention illegal way.

Your son may have made bad choices but YOU, as an adult need to make the right ones!!!....thaty's what adults are suppposed to do, especially parents!!

I don't post here too often but this thread caught my eye.

As far as I can see, Frazzled didn't KNOWINGLY let her son take and deal drugs. He quite clearly went through an incredibly rough time and made a few (albeit big and very stupid) decisions - we've all been there to some extent, esp as a teenager.

Frazzled spotted something was up, approached her son and he felt comfortable enough to confide in her. Frazzled's subsequent decisions and support have meant he has stopped taking drugs and allowed him to tackle his situation head-on, getting his life back on track. Sounds like a great mother to me!

I'm afraid I have no further advice to offer re the money owed, but I definitely think you should get onto that Illegal Money Lending team, whether you pay the dealer or not. Mainly to stop this scumbag doing the same to other kids.

Good luck, keep us updated x

SpagBol

I didn't want to read and run, I can't imagine how hard this would have been so big hugs and hope there is a happier time around the corner for you all. I have young sons so not got to this stage yet but have seen this sort of thing with friends and family and personally I would keep the beadiest of eyes on your son for any recurring problems with drugs, even though you say his grades and behaviour have improved that happened with all the worry of this debt spiralling and (most worrying) hiding it from you so you now know that he *can* perform well at school when in trouble out of school. I am naturally very suspicious so I hope I'm just over-analysing the situation and he's genuinely out of the woods.

eldestofthree

Hey frazzled , so glad to hear things have calmed down a bit in time for xmas, it is so easy to try and offer advice etc from the comfort of a keyboard , both me and my brother over the years have got ourselves in various scrapes at about the same age and as you say for our mum , it was the lies and the cover-ups which hurt the most , she said that she would deal with any daft situ we got ourselves in , just not to lie to her. I hope everything works out and it sounds like a hard but useful lesson learned , sometimes you just have to relaise that you should have trusted your mum in the first place !

jonjamie1970

BlushingRose wrote: »

Might sound like a daft thing to say, but if you can, pay the full amount owing to the drug dealer in a once only payment, and get a receipt from him. If you pay by instalments, be may add compound interest or some such. As your son said, he was working for him to pay off the debt but it never paid off...these people are clever, adding to the debt for one reason or another.

I', sorry that you're going through this, but getting it sorted and supporting your son is the right thing to do x

Which world do you live in that thinks drug dealers give receipts.....OMG :mad:

NeverAgain_2

frazzled,

Looks like you've picked your way through a tricky situation about as well as you could.

Paying the dealer was a good idea, your son bought the drugs - albeit on credit - and all the dealer wants is to be paid.

Most dealers have a list of sums outstanding from customers, often disguised in some way because the dealers' list is one of the things the police look for.

Your son should now be crossed off the list, and while the dealer will be sorry to lose a customer, you won't hear from him again.

This is important, because as you have discovered, involvement with a criminal can bring criminal activity and other criminals to your door.

Your son is still indebted to friends, but hopefully they do not present the same risk.

AMILLIONDOLLARS

The dealer ripped the boy off, he gave him the drugs and came back for it in the form of a robbery. A very harsh lesson learnt. If I were frazzle, I would about moving from the area once her son has left school and all debts have been paid. A fresh start is what is needed here.

Good luck for the future.

AMD

MrsTinks

Speaking as someone who has had family mixed up in the drugs world... frazzled, please look into 100% randomly getting him to do drug tests... I would never trust anyone until they had proved to me on MY terms they were clean. I know you say the school and his friends back up his story but people who do drugs can become amazingly fantastic liars I'm afraid...
As the dealer has now been paid off I would suggest that once your sons a-levels are finished you make a realistic plan with him on how he can repay all the money owed - whilst the comment about the army might sound harsh it's actually not a bad suggestion... It's not a bad career starter if he's a hard worker and it might just open his eyes to the world...