Huge debt shock from my 17 year old

Tinks74

Frazzled

I'm being blunt here as unfortunately I have personal experience of very similar situations.
My brother is a drug addict and has been for nigh on 20 years. He still lives with my parents and hasn’t had a job for probably 8 or 9 years.

Over the years my parents have bailed him out financially to the point that they both ended up working well past the point that they would have otherwise retired, my mother returned to work after having major heart surgery and breast cancer and my father is still working weekends.

I know some people would say ‘Kick him out’ but my mum was/is terrified of what would happen to him if she kicked him out, which has nearly happened on so many different occasions I’ve lost count, she wants to take care of her ‘little boy’. But so many years on she now feels guilty that maybe by trying to protect him she has done more harm than good.

Believe me, I know that no one but the addict can change their behaviour and that will only happen when they are ready to make the change.

But do not just act like the money is the big problem, it is a big problem right now, but it is not the big problem.

Please, and I can’t emphasise this enough, please do not just deal with the symptom of you son’s addiction.

I sincerely hope things work out for you all.

Tx

Hiddenidenity

Im sorry but you need to make sure that once you pay this debt to the dealer and friends he isnt going to do this again.

He will only stop the drugs if he wants, You can't make him. I wasnt in this position with my child but my partner and the more I paid off and bailed him out the more he did it and the debts got bigger and bigger to the point he had his dealers coming to my house where my babies are! (Im not saying this to scare you, but dealers are not nice people and if you owe them the debt, in their eyes they "own" you until its paid)

All thoose saying go to the police, When you are in this position going to the police is what you want to do, But being safe is more of a important issue than going to the police!

jude47

Erm........has anyone read my post? The Illegal Money Lending Team will take action against this dealer, do not need personal details of the OP or her son, and will bring in the police to take care of the drug dealing side of his 'business'. I've worked very closely with this team over a period of time and can tell you, they have rid entire neighbourhoods of loan sharks, drug dealers and 'pawn brokers', all of whom make life a misery for others. The last case I have info for, the team broke down the dealer's door, took away 'loan books' recording income in excess of £100,000, collected over £80,000 in cash in black bin liners and the police arrested the bloke for drug dealing. He was shaking and in tears as they led him to the van as he apparently has agoraphobia. Sympathy for him? Erm, NO!!

frazzledmother

Thanks for your words and wisdom and support. My thoughts are that:

we don't know this dealer, and cannot get son (at the moment) to tell us (although he has let slip a couple of clues)

we pay this scum off and then work on son to get more info, so we can tell the police and the illegal money-lender operation that Jude has mentioned

son is not an addict. believe me. he is a stupid 17 year old who made some really bad decisions some time ago, that have allowed this scum to become part of his life and forced him into a crappy position

after it came out we emptied his room, every single bit of it, every cd case, everything he owns, to look for drugs or equipment. there was nothing. but I can honestly say it was one of the worst evenings of my life.

we also spoke to his closest friends who've been trying to help in their own teenage ways and what they told us supports his story 100%

we've told his school too and they've offered counselling and support.

we are furious with him, and sad, and upset. he does understand what a terrible position he's put us in and did say the other night that he was considering running away to spare us.

he will pay us back, in time, for the moment we need to sort it out. we'll probably talk to our DMP people - it's just very embarrassing.

thanks

epsilondraconis

OP even if your son doesn't actually tell you who the drug dealer is, it's definitely worth finding out what type of person he is. e.g. Does he have a reputation on the street for using violence to resolve problems etc. Is he a small time drug dealer doing this just for some extra money or it is a reasonablly large operation with perhaps other people involved. In circumstances like this it certainly pays to know your enemy and find out as much as you can so you can deal with this situation and produce the best possible outcome for your family.

david39

You'll never pay the dealer off - you'll pay him "all the money" and he'll come back for more....and more.....and more.

Get the Illegal Money Lending Team involved.

Your son is probably not telling you the full details because he thinks that he will be endangering you also.

When someone from outside you immediate family and friends circle becomes involved, your son will be more prepared to talk and the IML team will know how to help him overcome his fears.

BlushingRose

Might sound like a daft thing to say, but if you can, pay the full amount owing to the drug dealer in a once only payment, and get a receipt from him. If you pay by instalments, be may add compound interest or some such. As your son said, he was working for him to pay off the debt but it never paid off...these people are clever, adding to the debt for one reason or another.

I', sorry that you're going through this, but getting it sorted and supporting your son is the right thing to do x

Tinks74

Frazzled

I hope you manage to sort this all out and as horrid as it sounds I hope you son has scared himself with what has happened.

Take care

Tx

adam918

My two pence worth.... Contact local Police or crime stoppers freephone number which can be anoymous, you might not have the name of the dealer but i bet you have a fair idea of location, age, size. One thing you do have is his telephone number if he's rang your son. I would pass that on to the Police and get this scumbag off the streets, its ok paying this bloke off but if he knows your son is vunerable he'll be back! As these types of people will always prey on the weak.
Even not having a name will build up an intelligence picture and i'm fairly confident that the local constabulary will have an idea if not know this guy already.

Hope it all works out...

midnight_express

Before involving the police it is worth remembering that the son has been involved in criminal activity and could end up with a criminal record.