Huge debt shock from my 17 year old

BlushingRose

Simply sending hugs and I hope that things will get sorted out without further pain x

pauletruth

its nice of everyone to be so supportive of you. however your son is activly involved in the supply of drugs this is not a little crime its major and it can carry many years in prison. if your son is not an addict then he is a criminal that is helping causing others suffering. so he is either an addict acting like a desprete addict or he is a low life drug dealer who is being worked by another scumbag. either way he is in serious trouble because the main dealer is using him as a fall guy. if he is activly involved he had better relises that he is at great risk of ending up dead or in jail serving a long sentance. if you allow him to bring the stuff into your house the your also guilty of a crime. as he is 17 you could be in bigger trouble.

DS4215

frazzledmother wrote: »

Dealer came to him at the festival and gave him a block, son didn't open it and put it in his tent. By the next morning sons tent had been slashed open and the block was missing. Dealer says this was worth £700 and added this to sons debt. Debt to dealer was then £1100.

I would be very surprised if this wasn't a setup by the dealer to get him in deeper. Festival campgrounds are busy places and thieves don't have long to get in and out without being disturbed. I would guess this was either a plan to make it worse for him, or one of the rival dealers followed him and took it.

miamoo

Considering how 'deep' your son is in himself, I would get him to speak to the dealer, tell him you know everything and are willing to offer X amount to repay the debt. Otherwise you will go to the police and grass him up. You say he is 'small time' therefore he should accept your offer, the alternatives, going to the police are going to drag your son in further, he could/probably would get sent down.
There is probably alot more to it than what your sons told you.

StevePotter

Sorry to 'but' in on this one and be a rude newbie, but I have a brother who was doing similar stupid things! Paying back his 'creditors' never worked because my brother worked out that my parents would always 'bail him out' no matter what! Nothing stopped him with regards to the drugs, stealing and debts! Currently he's a druggie addict and an alcoholic too, not to mention a theiving t0sser too!

Tell him that you'll pay back the £1500, on condition he joins the military! Either way, the state will be dealing with this kid so he might as well take the easier option and join up as opposed to being locked up!

CuppyCake

DS4215 wrote: »

I would be very surprised if this wasn't a setup by the dealer to get him in deeper. Festival campgrounds are busy places and thieves don't have long to get in and out without being disturbed. I would guess this was either a plan to make it worse for him, or one of the rival dealers followed him and took it.

I was thinking that when I read the post- most drug dealers are awful people who know how to take advantage of people and the situations they are in.

I am really sorry to hear your story, and I am thinking of you at this difficult time. I agree with those who have suggested the Illegal Money Lending team. You also need to know if this dealer knows where you live. He sounds like a nasty piece of work and, although I don't want to frighten you in any way, you need to keep yourself and
your family safe at this time.

Take care, and please check in under this account name to let us know you are ok.

Chrisblue1962

frazzledmother wrote: »

.... But I do take exception to ChrisBlue1962 who tells me its time to 'be a real adult and a real mother'. I'm sorry but really, how have I not been a real adult and a real mother so far? I am doing my best and sometimes people make bad decisions, teenagers especially make bad decisions. Life is never black and white.
.

I am sorry if you take exception to my remarks about "being a real adult". I fully appreciate that you "may be doing your best" (your words) but it's time to get professional help i.e. police and if this means your son is prosecuted for breaking the law, then so be it...its called "tough love".

This original post is NOT and has never been a "debt" issue, it's a "child welfare and law and order" issue. Full Stop. Your son owing money to a drug dealer is of very little consequence.

In my book, any parent who knowingly allows their child (being 17 means he is still a child by the way) to associate with drug dealers, take drugs themselves, get involved in criminal activity and owe money to criminals is acting in a totally irresponsible, unacceptable not to mention illegal way.

Your son may have made bad choices but YOU, as an adult need to make the right ones!!!....thaty's what adults are suppposed to do, especially parents!!

Adults, whether they be parents, teachers, neighbours, or relatives are supposed to act as good role models to children so that in time, the children become responsible adults themselves. This is not rocket science.

If you think I am so totally wrong then speak your local social services and the police and I can bet they'll take a different view from those advocating just "brushing this under the carpet" so to speak. As far as I'm aware the police and social services DO NOT condone and seek to prevent criminal activity, drug taking, drug dealing or money lending / laundering!!!

If you really need to ask ..."how have I not been a real adult and a real mother so far?" and are incapable of doing the right thing - going to the police - then I worry for the long term welfare of your son. Nobody ever said being a parent was easy but it's dead easy to be a bad one....

Get in touch with the police NOW and your son will thank you...not when you do it but in five, ten or maybe fifteen years down the line both you and he will realise that you did the right thing.

frazzledmother

Thanks for the continuing comments. I'm pleased to report that things are not so stressful - the school has been very supportive and put in place the mechanisms for sharing the relevant information with the authorities, when my son is ready. This is what the school and their counsellor suggested and we agreed. Also, the person he owed money to has been paid off.

To the person who said we should force our son to join the army - maybe I'll let him finish his A levels first.... particularly as he's on track for four A levels at A grades. Bright? Yes. Naive? Yes.

We've spoken to his friends involved and the one who is owed the most has said he is more than happy to wait until my son is working before he starts paying him off. My son has cleared his bedroom of anything of value, these items have been sold locally, taken to cashconverters and the remainder is going on ebay. So far this has raised just under £600. He's also lost what was in his savings account for driving lessons (from his grandma), this is another £600.

Yes, it's been horrendous. But, for those who believe that I've been an appalling poor mother and have failed, it seems, on every level, I would say that it must be fantastic to be so perfect, and to have such a perfect family. Good luck to you.

I hope very much that all of this is over. It's been extremely distressing and those people who've offered me support here have been so helpful.

pauletruth

i don't think your a bad mum. but sadly life is not so easy. he need a very serious scare which he has not got yet, untill he does learn that life has rules then he will not change. he may do what you want him to do for a quite life but he needs to learn a lesson or two. maybe get him to work in a homeless shelter over christmas if there is still time. that way he will see what drugs do.

ellesbellesxxx

I am afraid I can't offer advice but didnt' want to read and run - hope it all works out is what I wanted to say xx