Huge debt shock from my 17 year old

wannabee_in_credit

I have no advice to add to what the others have said here already but I really wanted to say that my heart goes out to you. I cannot begin to imagine what you must be feeling at the moment, and I hope everything goes well and gets sorted out.

jamespir

Hiddenidenity wrote: »

Her son took the drugs and didnt pay for them. The dealer WILL get his money/revenge. I've been there, I've seen it. Her son isn't innocent in all of this. Not easy for her no, but he is wrong as she has admitted.

if hes in prison he wont that is where he should be not threaten famlies to get money out of them


regardless of what the son did or did not do the son and the mother have to go to the police the son has to take whatever punihment he gets and tell them who the dealer is

other wise he could be stuck in even more debt

Hiddenidenity

jamespir wrote: »

if hes in prison he wont that is where he should be not threaten famlies to get money out of them /QUOTE]

You seriously think that ^^

Sorry but your wrong, theres a very good chance theres more than him involved, if and thats a big IF theres enough evidence on the dealer for him to go to jail, it wouldnt be the end of it.

The boy was wrong, he should pay the dealer and if he isnt addicted never get involved again, Unfortunatly if he is addicted this probably wont be the last time this happens

Chrisblue1962

Frazzled

I'm sorry but if you really think that paying off the dealer will solve the problem then you are in denial and not facing up to reality.

FACT: This or any other drug dealer will take you and your son for every single penny that you have.

FACT: Your son has a drug problem and a debt problem. You seek to seek help from the police and crimestoppers re. the dealer and seek professional help regarding your son's drug use. If you don't, your son not only risks his long term physical and mental health and but getting a criminal record and you both risk losing everything.

Replies like "He's a good lad really" or "It's only a bit of "blow" / dope" cut no ice with me whatsoever.

It's time to be a real adult and a real mother... no ifs, no buts..

Standingtall

Hi Frazzledmother. I have no doubt at all that some of the posts above will not make pleasant reading for you, but drugs evoke strong feelings in so many people and all the scenarios could (but not necessarily are) be true.

Whichever turns out to be correct would please post to confirm that you are ok? I have watched friends go through similarly stressful situations and know how bleak it can be. You sound so desperate, and I can understand why you believe your son because the alternative is unthinkable.

Please though, if you are reading this whilst online with your other pseudonym the please become Frazzled Mother for a sec just to let us know you are ok.

want2Bdebtfree

Having read all the above posts I can only say wouldn't life be easy if everything was so black and white. We have all done somethings that we live to regret and most of us have got ourselves into debt one way or another. We are really helped by the support that we receive on this site and whilst I understand everyone has an opinion we are here to support our MSE posters. He has told you he is not an addict and you believe him. You are under the impression that if you pay off the dealer he will leave your son alone. If your son has savings and items to sell to pay the dealer off let him do this. If after this the situation escalates or your son start taking drugs again then you will have to deal with that then. You can only deal with what you can do today. Later if you want to inform anyone else that is down to you and your son's conscience. At the moment he has let you down badly but he is still your son. Don't forget to remind him that although you do not always like him you will always love him. Don't let him consider running away again.

Sending lots of support and hugs

opinions4u

Can you all move away?

frazzledmother

I'm back. Everything's ok-ish, thanks to those that asked.

On the size of the debt I'm not going to go into details because its a complicated and lengthy story but the most significant lump sum that became owed was when the dealer said to my son that he could write off his debt to him, at that point around £400, by storing some drugs in his tent at a festival they were both going to be at. Dealer came to him at the festival and gave him a block, son didn't open it and put it in his tent. By the next morning sons tent had been slashed open and the block was missing. Dealer says this was worth £700 and added this to sons debt. Debt to dealer was then £1100.

Then it gets more complicated and involves dealer lending son money, with interest, offering to write off bits of debt for him delivering stuff to a few houses, then sons friends becoming involved and lending him money to pay off dealer. Also, the company that son was working for went into receivership, he was owed two months wages that he'd already borrowed against. He didn't want to admit this so again he borrowed some more to try and pay the dealer and some of his friends..... on and on it goes.

For those saying that he's an addict. He's not. This is not denial speaking it is the simple fact of the matter. Late last year and earlier this year he was taking drugs, and it was affecting life. His grades slipped, his moods were dreadful, he was depressed and looked like crap. Around this time also, one of his best friends was killed in a car crash and another committed suicide..... to say this was a bad time was a complete understatment. Also, in the family there was some difficulties and our own debts had become a huge problem.

We got him back on track with the drug problem, the school was supportive, his grades got back up and all the other symptoms eased off. When we told the school this week of this debt issue they were amazed and immediately said that they were sure he wasn't using.

Obviously what we didn't know was that there was debt problems that has gathered during that period of chaos. He didnt tell us because he knew what a terrible mess financially we were (due to redundancy).

I think he will give us details of the dealer but not until he's paid off and some time passes. He sounds like he's fairly small scale but still he is scared of him. Luckily he lives quite a long way from us. As soon as we have any info I will be taking it to the police and the illegal money lending people.

The lies and cover ups are extremely upsetting but we feel that this is the last hangover of what was a terrible time for him and us.

I don't mind the questionning and opinions offered here that might not fit with my own exactly as it's useful to hear other people's perspectives and viewpoints. But I do take exception to ChrisBlue1962 who tells me its time to 'be a real adult and a real mother'. I'm sorry but really, how have I not been a real adult and a real mother so far? I am doing my best and sometimes people make bad decisions, teenagers especially make bad decisions. Life is never black and white.

Thanks for all the support everyone it really is helpful.

dancingfairy

Hmm. Obviously extracating your son and yourself from this mess is not easy and it sounds like money may be the easiest part to sort. I suggest you get help , annoymously if needs be from an expert in the field.
One thought that occurred to me was maybe your son could do a deal with this person - maybe confess that you'd overheard him on the phone and that in relation for not shopping the dealer that he could pay the debt off and they could part company? I'm not an expert though which is why you really need support from those in the know or those that have sadly been there.
Best of Luck
df

Standingtall

Thank you for the update Frazzled Mother, I am sat here crying. I have a twenty year old son and it is so difficult. I hope this simply brings you all closer together and that things are sorted out so you can move forward.