In-Law help!

Mojisola

**dancingbutterfly** wrote: »

I want to see the family but want my son to have xmas in his own house and create some memories here. I suggested they come to us xmas day which was met with ''no chance''.....

**dancingbutterfly** wrote: »

Just spoke to my boy and he wants to go and see everyone he said he wants to go and open his presents from all grandparents....

I cant win!

You can because you're the parent. If that kind of Christmas is the only one your son knows, how can he make an informed decision on behalf of the family?

Discuss it with your OH and come to some agreement and stick with it regardless of other people's views.

I'm sure when you were a child you didn't dictate to your family how Christmas was spent and, if your son has children, you'll have to fit in with his and his partner's decisions. If you don't have the Christmas you want now, you'll never have it.

**dancingbutterfly**

Mojisola wrote: »

You can because you're the parent. If that kind of Christmas is the only one your son knows, how can he make an informed decision on behalf of the family?

Discuss it with your OH and come to some agreement and stick with it regardless of other people's views.

I'm sure when you were a child you didn't dictate to your family how Christmas was spent and, if your son has children, you'll have to fit in with his and his partner's decisions. If you don't have the Christmas you want now, you'll never have it.

I very much agree with you. My oh has just said 'we'll its spuds christmas, we'll do what he wants'' But I think spud doesnt care what day we go as long as he gets his presents! which is bad, but he's only little.

when I was little we didnt go anywhere and it was great...

red_devil

if there isnt spark, passion want and desire from both sides then it usually ends in tears.

Try not contacting them for a while and see what happens?

Re christmas we went to my grannies every year as a child, mum didnt mind leaving the house mid morning she got all the dinner cooked for us all.

**dancingbutterfly**

Oh has spoke to them.

He said ''my bro said you said you don't see spud much any more, your always welcome here you know'', she said ''yes, well we'll have to sort a time and date etc''. He said ''you don't call us'' she said ''no you usually call me!'' oh said ''you've got to call us more rather than it being me all the time'' she said ''yes we will''

Then my oh caved massively, I wanted him to say ''why dont you come here xmas say if you want to see spud?'' and keep quiet and see what she says....but he said no such thing. He said, ''we're thinking about coming over at 5 on xmas day?'' she said ''that would be lovely, we'd love to see spud''

So that's that then...they obviously want to see their grandson but are totally incapable of making any effort to do this whatsoever.

I have told oh that next year we're spending it wholly at home, but grandparents are very welcome if they want to see us. Or we will go to them xmas eve or boxing day etc.

I really wouldnt mind going to them if they made an effort with us like we do with them.

Thank you again for your comments guys

db

**dancingbutterfly**

red_devil wrote: »

if there isnt spark, passion want and desire from both sides then it usually ends in tears.

Try not contacting them for a while and see what happens?

Re christmas we went to my grannies every year as a child, mum didnt mind leaving the house mid morning she got all the dinner cooked for us all.

oh tried this for 2 nearly 3 weeks then gave in and called them :mad:

Mojisola

**dancingbutterfly** wrote: »

I have told oh that next year we're spending it wholly at home, but grandparents are very welcome if they want to see us. Or we will go to them xmas eve or boxing day etc.

I think this might be the best way. It's close to this Christmas to make changes. Go with it this year but make it plain that next year will be different and stick to it!

Abbafan1972

OP - So you've caved in and let them get their own way again.

Why change it next year, when you can still change it this year?

Spendless

**dancingbutterfly** wrote: »

Oh has spoke to them.

He said ''my bro said you said you don't see spud much any more, your always welcome here you know'', she said ''yes, well we'll have to sort a time and date etc''. He said ''you don't call us'' she said ''no you usually call me!'' oh said ''you've got to call us more rather than it being me all the time'' she said ''yes we will''

Then my oh caved massively, I wanted him to say ''why dont you come here xmas say if you want to see spud?'' and keep quiet and see what she says....but he said no such thing. He said, ''we're thinking about coming over at 5 on xmas day?'' she said ''that would be lovely, we'd love to see spud''

So that's that then...they obviously want to see their grandson but are totally incapable of making any effort to do this whatsoever.

I have told oh that next year we're spending it wholly at home, but grandparents are very welcome if they want to see us. Or we will go to them xmas eve or boxing day etc.

I really wouldnt mind going to them if they made an effort with us like we do with them.

Thank you again for your comments guys

db

I know the frustrations of living with someone who doesn't say anything to anyone about anything ever! :mad: At least it's a baby step your OH has done. When you go on Christmas day you can then say something like 'next year, we are doing ....... and you'd be welcome to join us/see us on ........' It doesn't totally solve it for this year, but you're on your way for it being sorted in future.

meritaten

Hun - You, your OH and your son are a family unit. Its now down to you both to decide on your plans for christmas day itself! If YOU ALL want to spend it quietly, at home and not rushing about all over town - Then that is your RIGHT! put aside Boxing day to visit parents, and dont be guilt tripped into doing otherwise! After all Boxing day is THE traditional day for visiting relatives!

Abbafan1972

My in-laws would never come and visit us at Xmas, or any other time of the year.

It would always be down to us to go and collect presents from them for Xmas/Birthdays.

The one year though, Mil left the presents in the porch, rang the doorbell and drove away! :eek: We were in, so she could have seen the kids. I sent her a text not long after, thanking her for the presents, but asking that she didn't do it again as it was very rude. After that I made sure I locked the porch so she couldn't leave anything in there and they would be in full view outside.

These days though she usually just sends a card in the post with £20 inside.