In-Law help!

**dancingbutterfly**

Thanks very much for everyone's replies!


Nice to know Im not being unreasonable with this. Oh is trying to get me to agree to going round to they're's at 5 on xmas day. after ive cooked dinner here, been to my dads (very briefly) then been to my mums........sigh

It just really !!!!s me off that we try and make the effort with them and they have the cheek to say ''why dont you come and see us?, we dont see our grandson much anymore'' grrrrr!

But it could be a lot worse in the grand scheme of things!

kj*daisy

Don't go, your OH is part of this problem too by the looks of things trying to please them when he never will, tell him that he can go, but you will be tired so will be staying in.

CH27

**dancingbutterfly** wrote: »

scammo your so right! I'd love to have a little chat with them but like you say it wont end well! I just want them to know how we're feeling.

They let our son down a lot too. They say 'we'll come and take him out for the day'' son gets really excited, day comes no in laws...very very infuriating!

thanks for everyone's thoughts.

Did you ring them when they didn't turn up? What was their reason?

January20

McKneff wrote: »

:eek: cant believe you are speaking about your OH with so much disrespect, I feel sorry for him, he's between a rock and a hard place. !!!!!!.

If I was male and my OH called me a wet lettuce I would think well she doesnt think very much of me and I would be very very hurt, you should be ashamed of yourself hurting some one who loves you. If you think so little of him why do you stay.

Ah don't be ridiculous! What is wrong in saying he is a wet lettuce! It's not even a swear word! (unlike the initials you wrote) And from the OP's post, it's probably very true!

OP, you have set a pattern there of they say "jump" and your OH (and you by default) just say "how high". Might be time to change things and start thinking about what is best for your and you son.

daska

I'm just wondering if at some point along the line they have picked up on how you feel about them, body language can be a bit of a b***** like that. Is it worth posting a formal invitation for them to join you on Xmas Day (with RSVP on the bottom). Whichever way round it makes it clear where you're going to be and that the invitation is genuine, without the need for verbalising it. Could you get your son to draw some Xmas pictures for Christmas Cards and use one of them? You don't need to tell him it's going on an invitation and that way he won't feel like they've turned him down.

Seanymph

Well, your OH has let them get away with it for a long time, and they sit there feeling terribly important because everyone buzzes around them. I suspect that they know if they didn't fuss the younger one he'd !!!!!! off and be a bit more independent. Your OH however they get positive responses from by neglecting.

Your OH, for his part, has obviously taken the easy road as a matter of course because, well, let's face it, with parents like that it makes it easy. And you've done the same, so he doesn't get to be a wet lettuce because you are no better.

You have allowed these people to bully you, bully your husband, and bully your son. And they do it because it makes them feel important - and if you stop the dynamic they like you know full well they'll do 'hurt victim' to make you feel guilty and manipulate you back into line.

Personally I would stay at home. You have a child - once you have a child christmas becomes about them, and you dont' have to go anywhere. You invite people, but you get to stay at home, he gets to wear his christmas pj's all day and you play the games he got for christmas and lay on the floor with him and watch Elf and eat too many roses and if anyone wants to come watch you watching that then that's fine.

I get you dont' want to make a stand - and nor would I - whilst I know you put the history to give everyone and insight into how awful they are I would stick point blank to one day at a time with them and work on retraining yourself in your dealings with them.

This year, stay at home - phone everyone and say that you've talked about it as a couple and you want to make the day extra special for your son, in your own home, and cooking your own dinner. Tell his parents they can call before the pub if they want and watch their grandson opening the presents. Tell yours they can come for lunch or dinner - and tell them what the other one is doing and they can either leave in time or face each other and be polite - and if they aren't just a quiet 'not in front of my son, I won't side with anyone, if you are both to be here you need to be civil' will do.

But stop stop stop putting yourself out for everyone else, look at your littley, focus on him, and spend the day enjoying him, it's what it's all about.

Nicki

Whats the background with MIL's cancer though? Did she maybe need a lot of time off work, so they are now very short of money/have money problems and she is working hard to try to regain lost ground? So when you call and say you would like to come round, she is genuinely working not making an excuse, and perhaps a bit snappy because she'd rather be spending time with the grandchild. And when they didn't turn up for meals could she have been feeling very unwell, maybe in the aftermath of chemo. Yes they should have called to cancel, but on the other hand they were going through a majorly stressful time with her struggling with a terminal illness and maybe they felt as you were family you would understand.

When you say, she beat it in January, do you mean she got her FIRST clear check up, or the final all clear (which I think comes after 5 or maybe now 10 consecutive clear years)? Because if it was just her first clear check up, she is still in a very dangerous place, and frankly if this time next year she was dead, or in agony towards the end of her life, would the current upset over Christmas arrangments be in the least bit important, and would you have any regrets about how this Christmas was spent?

ViolaLass

I agree with Seanymph - it seems crazy to be running around trying to see everyone on Christmas Day. For a start, if they're that bothered, they can come to you - your son is not a parcel to be carted around and put on show.

newcook

If I were you I would tell them (and OH) that if they want to see DS on xmas day then they can come before 1pm.
Its shocking the way they are treating you, your OH and DS – I’d be tempted to give them a lump of coal for xmas!

Kaz2904

I would do what you both want to do but would not let your DH drag your little one out of the house at 5pm. He's going to be really tired by then and is likely to start getting fractious.
In response to a PP who thinks this behaviour is excusable because your MiL has had cancer, I don't think it is at all. If it was entirely new behaviour linked with the illness then it would perhaps be understandable but from what you say, she/they've always been like it. Also, it's very easy to lay the guilt card of what if she's dead next year but on the other hand, what if she lives for the next 50 years? Do you really want this to go on and on with no change? I didn't think so.
Good luck and have a wonderful Christmas whatever you end up doing