Is my brother being cheeky?

Crisp_£_note

He needs to learn priorities! If he gets away with it this time he will try it again, maybe not with you but some other softer touch. Its nothing to do with the deal he is your brother.

If it was a proper loan or overdraft he had borrowed on he might have thought differentlt to pay it back before the holiday so dont feel guilty, its your hard earned money you lent him on an agreement it wasnt a gift, your now 'hard up' as bills are coming in in January so tell him its you who needs it now after all thats what it was originaly being saved for!

If he wants to borrow again make an agreement in writing he pays it back either by a specific time or monthly standing order instalments.

Its 1 thing to have a needed holiday but not at your expense (or part paid for by you) thats like him asking for another £500 isnt it so he would owe you £1,000 soon after his return. Why was he saving it for himself anyway when he should have been paying it you back?!

crazy_horse_uk

I'm staggered at the (almost) unanimous response to this problem. Yes, he's taking the mickey, but no, don't ask for it back. There's no principle at stake here - if you couldn't afford it, you shouldn't have lent it, and if you could afford it why would you ask for it back? He's family - doesn't that mean anything?

chuk

cazpost

He is clearly in a position to pay it back, so ask him for it. If he says he cant pay , you need to insist that he makes an arrangement to pay you in installments. If you say nothing he will assumethat you arent worried about the money and that he will be able to borrow more another time

Over the years I have lent money to various relatives, and quickly learnt that the best thing to do is set up an arrangement for repayment at the beginning. Even if its only £10 a week, at least you know you are going to see some of the money again. I lost several thousands of pounds the first time because I didn't do that. Currently my brother owes me £600,my mother owes me £150, and my friend owes me £200. All of them , like myself , are on a tight budget, but the £30 I get each week via direct debits from them means I can budget effectively.

no1purplepeopleeater

I am in this exact nightmaare position!

My brother had just split up from his wife in July and they were trying to be amicable but had a £300 nursery bill for thier daughter which he could not find the money for and his 'wife' refused to assist with - despite it being a debt which was created whilst they were together.

I got an emergancy HELP phone call and bailed THEM out - something I hated doing as it was for her benefit not my brothers!

Anyway in September with no threat of any money coming back my way I sent him a message reminding him of my bank details to pay it back to, cheeky but subtle!

I received a reply that said he now has to 'sell stuff on eBay' to pay me back - yet managed to go on a Lads long weekend to Amsterdam 2 weekends ago - Arghhhhh!!!!

Annoying does not cover it!

I am my own worst enemy and I am just going to have to wait but it does irk me! He is in financial stress with the separation and impending divorce BUT...

I guess I just learn to NEVER loan money EVER again!

Families hey - you can't pick them!

Talent

Don't lend what you can't afford to lose is the first law of personal finance. If you don't need it, don't ask for it back, don't even drop hints. Just drive it out of your mind. He will never ask for money again. You'll be off the hook.

jude1952

I think your brother may have genuinely forgotten - if he's been suffering from depression it's an aspect of the illness. You should ask for repayment of the money in a friendly way - you deserve and have the right to be repaid. If you don't ask him you run the risk of resenting the situation later on and it could spoil your relationship.

JayD

Now if this was your son, I'd say leave it!

But this is your brother and he has been saving for himself, rather than paying his debts. There was nothing stopping him from doing both - it would just have taken a bit longer to achieve both.

As it is, he has selfishly achieved what he wanted for HIM - but he needs to be reminded that loans are NOT gifts and you have every right to be refunded. After all, you have been £500 down for some time now.

So of course ask for it back!

victory

When it was handed over if it was clear it would be a loan, a repayable loan and not a gift yes he is being cheeky now he can afford to pay it back and not offering to.

It is a responsibility of his to clear his debts before he goes travelling whether it be family or friends, how does he know that you can afford to carry that debt for him and you are not left short because of it?

redglass_2

crazy_horse_uk wrote: »

I'm staggered at the (almost) unanimous response to this problem. Yes, he's taking the mickey, but no, don't ask for it back. There's no principle at stake here - if you couldn't afford it, you shouldn't have lent it, and if you could afford it why would you ask for it back? He's family - doesn't that mean anything?

chuk

Talent wrote: »

Don't lend what you can't afford to lose is the first law of personal finance. If you don't need it, don't ask for it back, don't even drop hints. Just drive it out of your mind. He will never ask for money again. You'll be off the hook.

I don't understand these responses. Crazy Horse, the OP is also family, and family isn't another word for Abuse, or shouldn't be. You can call it taking the mickey, if you like, but it's not loving behaviour and shows no gratitude. Is that the attitude families aim to encourage?

Talent, of course people shouldn't lend if they can't afford it. That's basic survival strategy, but it doesn't mean that if they do, they've lost any right to ask for it back and can be victimised with impunity! They have all the more right to ask, because they've stretched themselves and taken a risk to help.

A family in which one person can walk off with half a grand and another isn't even supposed to mention it isn't a very fair or healthy place to be IMHO.

*Louise*

Of course he is being cheeky, family often get away with more than other people would, paying back family isn't as important a debt for some so it would seem.:(

I loaned my brother £500 for a flat deposit in 2007, I still haven't seen it - although he has managed to fly his girlfriend to London for a big proposal, go abroad on holiday and save for a wedding in the meantime! I have reminded him a couple of times but I don't see him that often and now he is on sick leave from work so chances are slim of seeing that money again any time soon.

It's annoying but I am a soft touch and feel too uncomfortable to get tough about it. Still at least he hasn't asked to borrow any more money since then (every cloud and all that!)