Dilema - donation to make ex pregnant

Hagar_uk

Your right I must be crazy

Lotus-eater wrote: »

I can't believe you are trying to justify this in the slightest. You must be bonkers to even consider it.

If she has this 2nd child of yours, you are going to be screwed for money by her and for all you know she will be off with someone new and never let you see them again.

You sound upset now you can't see your son enough, what if you have 2 and what if you have a new family? This is so crazy, you're not thinking clearly. She's obviously thinking all too clearly and you are going to get screwed.

euronorris

Hagar_uk wrote: »

I have seen the resentment and problems caused when there are different fathers, as my son gets older, I want to take him away for holidays do cool things together and have SR, I know if for a child who won't have that it must be hard seeing that happen to their brother.

IF she does go ahead and have another child without you, that child will NOT be your responsibility.

As for your son, well, he's going to have a difficult situation to deal with either way. Why make it more difficult and confusing by giving him a brother when he won't understand. It won't make any sense to him that Mummy and Daddy decided to have another baby, even though they aren't together.

Seriously, you are trying to find ways to justify this, so that you don't lose (what you see to be) the last chance of having another child. Isn't that exactly what you criticised this woman for doing earlier in the thread? You've also said that you want to have another child in certain circumstances, and yet are quick to give this scenario unjustified consideration!

londonsurrey

Are you very susceptible to marketing? How many gadgets have you got?
Children are not BOGOFs. You don't have to get an extra one just because you get offered it.

The job of parents is to help children cope with life, not get them stuff, holidays and siblings, whilst struggling to get basic stability and common sense right.

purple.sarah

Peater wrote: »

I just happen to think it is best to bring up a child with 2 loving parents at home. I am sorry that your parents separated and you didn't have that, but why does that make me so wrong?

I still have two loving parents though. You are wrong because you did not just say it's best to bring up a child with 2 loving parents at home, you narrowly defined a father as someone who is there every morning and night and said the OP would not be a father to a new child if he wasn't there every morning and night, which invalidates many fathers who are not able to be.

purple.sarah

I don't think this is a good idea because the situation sounds unstable, you and your ex weren't together that long over all and you've only just started getting along again, things between you have been strained in the past, they could change again. You are assuming you would have access to the new child but you also say she seems to want a child 100% to herself and not to share. She could make access difficult if things sour again. She doesn't want what you do, to get back together and raise this child as a couple, she just wants another baby, her way. When she has what she wants she may not compromise with you and then things would be more complicated than they are now, for everyone involved including your son.

I understand you will be upset if she has a child with another man. However that is a possibility you may have to face in the future as you are not together. Focus on moving on and building stability for the child you already have rather than making things more complicated.

londonsurrey

What happens when she gets broody again after baby #2? How many lots of child maintenance can you afford? How much are you paying now?

Hagar_uk

londonsurrey wrote: »

What happens when she gets broody again after baby #2? How many lots of child maintenance can you afford? How much are you paying now?

She is of the age where she really has one safe last chance at this, the amount I contribute varies month by month, as it is not just a set amount, it is higher than CSA level, my ex has never once asked for money for my son, but it was the first thing I organised when we split, I could afford a bit more, my child (future children from whoever mother) is most important thing to me,

FBaby

How old are you and your ex? I think you are being very naive thinking that she has good intentions behind her request. It might be the case, but I think it is much more likely that she is completely manipulating you. So she wants to be a mum again (so do I, but I had to accept you don't always get all you want), she is on benefits, and has a girlfriend. She knows her girlfriend won't give her a child.... She also knows that donor sperm is not easy to get (long waiting list is going through reputable access) and also potentially very expensive if it doesn't happen right away (which might be the case if it is true that she has fertility issues), and of course, there will be no certainty of what genes she will get AND.... no maintenance...AND no free week-ends to go and have fun with her girlfriend.... The decision is so obvious for her.... The problem is, once she has what she wants, she might not be so amicable at all any longer.

As for you saying that you might never had a child again, how old are you? You can fall in love quickly with the RIGHT one, and decide to have a child together before you know it. Don't ride yourself off your chances yet, unless you are coming close to retirement!!!

Hagar_uk

We are both 36 years old, getting a donor apparently is pretty easy, in that scene, as gay guys dont seem to mind, or what she did in the past when she tried 10 years ago was ask her friends husband, who more than willing to help..it seems like a different world to me

I would like to have a relationship, with someone more middle of the road and have a family again,

FBaby wrote: »

How old are you and your ex? I think you are being very naive thinking that she has good intentions behind her request. It might be the case, but I think it is much more likely that she is completely manipulating you. So she wants to be a mum again (so do I, but I had to accept you don't always get all you want), she is on benefits, and has a girlfriend. She knows her girlfriend won't give her a child.... She also knows that donor sperm is not easy to get (long waiting list is going through reputable access) and also potentially very expensive if it doesn't happen right away (which might be the case if it is true that she has fertility issues), and of course, there will be no certainty of what genes she will get AND.... no maintenance...AND no free week-ends to go and have fun with her girlfriend.... The decision is so obvious for her.... The problem is, once she has what she wants, she might not be so amicable at all any longer.

As for you saying that you might never had a child again, how old are you? You can fall in love quickly with the RIGHT one, and decide to have a child together before you know it. Don't ride yourself off your chances yet, unless you are coming close to retirement!!!

balletshoes

she's only 36 - believe me she's not anywhere near last chance yet, not for another 5 years anyway, probably longer.