DFW with no name (and 101 probs)

MuffinTops

I hope you're ok Erme. Write back when you're feeling better please.

x

Erme

Thanks Muffin tops

Can't sleep tonight so am on MSE catching up on posts. Have to say got a halogen heater the other week from a shop and like whilst it smoked the first time I put it on I left it till after hols and like now it doesn't smoke...

And before it gets any colder I'm deffo getting a sherpa onesie to keep me warm in bed without the need of heaters (I got a micro fleece onesie the other day)...

No study as been so sick and like sleeping a lot in the ams...Like sleeping till about lunch and no food shopping either ...which is utterly pants but still. Farmfoods have fish pies for 75p so I think I will get that tonight....

I need to reduce my sky sub as I just haven't watched it lately though Home and Health is very handy for when I can't sleep. I don't know if I can do it online or not - we'll see....

I had a really bad paranoid/psychotic episode end of last week and according to SW I've been paranoid for weeks so just coming out of that. I hope I sleep tonight. I'm going to buy some hot chocolate and decaf coffee today and see if that helps (I crave coffee when I wake in the night). Also meds have been upped but I think it's more a sleep issue than anything else though I did get some sleep after hols and I was still paranoid

E

Erme

Morning all...trying to get sleep pattern fixed so not making cards today or anything and just having a PJ morning. Hope everyone is well....

Well what a weekend!!!. Turns out when I emerged H was in Morocco and DM had a speeding fine she felt so ashamed of she didn't tell me (just stressed and freaked out for 5 weeks :mad:). So the long and short of it is I'm not going home at new year. I mean I can't afford the extra £200 I have to pay to mobile phone provider for the new fancy phone and like go home and pay for decorating. I have all my tickets booked (£100 worth or so) but they are non returnable. Even so putting SF in the resort would cost an extra £50 and I just don't have that cash right now. I might do in a few weeks when rebate social worker is trying to get me comes through but still.

No wonder DM hasn't been onto welfare rights. I couldn't understand it cos like she always moans about how little dosh she has but she was really wetting herself about this speeding ticket (and she was only 5 mph over the limit) and I'm like so cross with her for not telling me tis unreal!!!!

Never mind DS getting back from Morocco just before 5 on Sabbath - phoning DM to tell her she'd landed and not phoning me - argh!!! Went ape over that. Who is on call for DM 16 hours a day yet who gets treated as the black sheep - exactly!!!

Anyhow PJ day so off to check up on subs I've not been reading for weeks (lots to skim read )

E

Erme

Morning all. Can't believe it's end of last month since I last updated....

Decorating made me sick (again) and then the psych upped the depot shot so I promptly reduced the pills and made myself more sick. Then he reduced them again a few days later and I've spent the past week or so not eating and being in la la land....

So yeah that's me....I was so depressed I had to like put the mattress in the hall but now I'm hoping I can stay awake today and make the kirk breakfast at like 10.15.

DM and I still aren't getting on. We had about 10 good days then it fell apart. I'm sure it's because I didn't go down south middle of the year cos I seem to freak out about silly stuff with her that's just minor misunderstandings via text or phone. In fact I wonder if it's a good idea to actually have texts in the morning as so many rows seem to come out of that. She doesn't respond how I want her to or doesn't hear me or something. It's a nightmare. Then when I challenge her she's all manipulative and what not.

She got onto welfare rights (all middle aged folk get your elderly relatives onto welfare rights to make sure they get what they're entitled to) but is grumbling and screaming at times that she has to show proof of income for certain things and like freaking out (and she freaks out with style) and yet it was her who said she never had enough money. I've offered to help out (tis only my christian duty) but no. I will never be good enough. DS just sounds so snooty on the phone and aloof and then says she's not stressed.

Just hope and pray the soap I've sent her for xmas is not either broken or like smelling of smoke from the decorators. It has lemonbalm or lemon grass or something and DM is allergic to all things citrus so sure I'll get it in the neck for that. My family are never happy unless they are moaning and I don't see the need personally. Or they have to 'keep up with the Joneses' or be 'pillars of the community' even when they themselves are incapable due to ill health or whatever. It's all about appearances with them and it's all so fake and makes me so mad. I mean what about truth and being genuine? No.....It's more about what people think of them and how they look to the outside world.

Tell me it's their prob and like I'll agree but find it hard to distance myself from the hypocrisy. And the splitting and what not and the childlike squeals.

Sorry I got carried away. Will update more laters

E

MuffinTops

Hello Erme,
Thank you for popping on and commenting on my diary. I've not disappeared, I'm just going through a little transition time with debts being paid off and not at the point I can really focus on anything substantial so I guess I don't update as much.

It's nice to read your update. I'm sorry to hear things aren't improving with your DM or DS but I do completely understand. I have such a strange relationship with my family too and so I know how upsetting it can feel when those close to you just don't seem to get you.

For me I've realised that my relationship with them is never going to be what I've always hoped it would. Now I'm working on accepting that.

Other than family troubles I hope all is ok again and you're feeling better. When things get bad for you they really throw you off course, don't they? Yet each time you pick yourself up, brush yourself down and head on forward again. You should always be proud of that.

Take care,

MT

Erme

Awe thanks MT

I'm stressed out with nic reduction and like carpets coming next week. I'm getting my friends to fit them so getting the lounge and like hall done for less than £300

But I have no savings so this is a lot out of my monthly budget. And I bought a new expensive e-cig part (which is seriously the business ) for xmas and then like had the last of my expensive vodaphone bill to pay. So you can see where like £400 has gone :eek:

Not to worry. Sure I'll manage. Just anyone who prays can you please pray about the carpets as I'm pulling my hair out with the stress of them right now...

thanks

E

miggy

Erme wrote: »

Just anyone who prays can you please pray about the carpets as I'm pulling my hair out with the stress of them right now...

thanks

E

You got it. And I am sure once the carpets are sorted you will love them and be glad you got it done. Anything decorating-wise is bound to be a hassle . We are slowly getting our dining room done - difficult as there's too much furniture and it has to be moved aside rather than out so it's one wall at a time...

Happy New Year, by the way! The best is yet to come.

Erme

Yay thanks Mrs Migster...

Guess what came yesterday? ...carpets and they are getting fitted today...so up early to get lounge cleared out to like the lobby....I'm going to shift what I can self without breaking my back. So that means the hifi (old and huge)....sofa, cd's and tapes.

I guess it's going to be lots of bin bags today and what not just clearing stuff out but still...

For those that need an airer right now Sainsburys have good ones in the sale (the expandable ones) for £11 though I think they're often in the sale as they were in the sale in October....:)...Yay

E

miggy

Could do with airer, but also with space! LOL. Our airer has vicious sharp bits where it broke but I keep putting off replacing it. I think Wilkos is winning in the airer wars though - theirs are currently £10.
Yay to carpets! Are they in yet?

Erme

Yeah but I don't have a wilkos near me

Airer's are fab:)...want one sending down LOL.......

Anyhow lounge carpet is in...was so out of it between like 5 and about 7.30 but I phoned the prayerline and the crisis line and they were fab. I had a job to get dinner I felt so out of it...

Now the big clear out beginneth ....already downsized by one bookcase and like have two side tables on freecycle. The other bookcase can go to the charity shop on Monday. It's not far away. SF is back in his house and very happy though annoyed at the carpet fitter who said get SF wool for him for bedding. That'll choke him!!! cos they eat their bedding. Can you imagine wool inside his poor wee tum . Nope I know my shredded cardboard is messy but I know it's good for him

Craft table is back as is stuff out of hall but will have to like seriously clean out lobby tomorrow even though it's sabbath (or at least put that rubbish downstairs) as just don't have energy tonight. Craft table is pure wood and weighs a tonne!!!

Praying the boys come back and fit the hall (tis L shaped so they have to cut it) on Tuesday. Have part paid them. Got to pay them a wee bit more on Tuesday

E