Time to Take Control

BlushingRose

wannabee_in_credit wrote: »

I just read Martin's booklet about debt, depression and anxiety. Originally looking for ways to help out OH, but having seen it I've realised I'm in the burnout stage. So thanks for advice, I'm going to try and make myself an appointment tomorrow if I can find the time to ring them...
I'm actually quite ashamed about how I feel towards OH you know, but I can't help it. I know he can't either, but I just cannot feel any compassion for him at the moment, just anger towards him for doing this to us again... which I know is probably a reflection of my own state of mind.
Having said that, what exactly is the doctor going to be able to do for me? Short of waving a magic wand I don't see anything that can be done at the moment.

You might be surprised. At the very least, it'll be somewhere to rant!
They might offer you some sort of respite option.

But please, please go and see someone x

wannabee_in_credit wrote: »

I went to put petrol in the car today and embarrassingly had my card rejected at 3 separate pumps. I knew exactly how much was in my account so I knew that wasn't the problem. Rang YB and it turns out they aren't able to process any debit card payments at all due to a technical fault which they are hopefully sorting by tomorrow. How helpful of them to suggest I use an alternative payment method like a credit card. I told them off for encouraging people into debt. Meantime I'm stuck being able to pay for stuff and the car needs some of that liquid gold pretty soon.

Oh dear! Just as well you still have a little bit still in the car..

wannabee_in_credit

Well, I've been missing for a few days living a bit of a rollercoaster life. I've made an appointment at the doctors but unfortunately it's not until next Friday.
OH is unpredictable - we finally talked when I caught him 'going for a walk' at 4am (last time he did that I had to ring the police I was so worried). I explained that I want to help him but have very little to give. Reminded him that we all love him, and that even if we don't say it - doesn't mean we've changed our minds. Asked him to try and remember us in all of this. And to be fair to him, he is trying - I can see how he's feeling but he is making a bit of an effort.
Work also unpredictable, just when I think that things are picking up things go downhill again. When I didn't get the job I applied for a couple of weeks ago I was quite happy to continue where I was, but things are escalating again and I'm becoming increasingly stressed and paranoid there too - the staff motivation is at an all time low and I'm thinking again that I might need to make plans to move on.
And I've not even been online since Monday - too busy in my own little world of meltdown, giving myself a hard time and stuff. But I keep getting back up, and I keep trying.
Still daren't think about the wedding, and what will happen if we have to cancel.

wannabee_in_credit

Back again, and my rollercoaster ride of a life continues.
Work = rubbish
home = stressful
finances = worrying
wedding = daren't think
kids = misbehaving
weight = massive
Ah well... I'm desperately trying just to keep my head above water. Still can't even make a small decision at the moment but trying to carry on as normally as I possibly can. I'm not sure which situation will eventually tip me over the edge but I will not go without a fight.
After another horrific few days at work I impulsively decided to stick another job application in. Not sure if I even want it but I'm getting a bit desperate - I think I'll end up on the sick if I don't see some improvement on the horizon in my work life soon.
OH up and down as well - some days good, some days not. Today is not...
Kids are driving me up the wall. I've taken them out and about for most of the day but they're still aggravating me for more attention.
Taking tentative steps to get back on the diet wagon. I've gained a stone since I was measured for my wedding dress which will not shift if I don't even try. It's the one thing in life I can control at the moment.

mandz1

Hi WIC, im a long time lurker on your diary, just wanted to let you know that although things are up and down at the minute, you are doing brilliantly and coping really well.

wannabee_in_credit

Hi Mandz
Thanks for coming out of lurkdom, and for your encouraging words.
I'll get through it - I always manage somehow... just sometimes it's tough to see a way forward, when all you desperately want is half an hour to yourself. I wouldn't be doing half as well though without the support from my family and friends (real life and online).

BlushingRose

Hey Wanna...we can be diet buddies if you like? I have a billion stones to lose and have put 5lbs back on in the last two weeks I could do with the encouragement x

wannabee_in_credit

BlushingRose wrote: »

Hey Wanna...we can be diet buddies if you like? I have a billion stones to lose and have put 5lbs back on in the last two weeks I could do with the encouragement x

Well that sounds good to me. I certainly need all the help I can get, and the occasional reminder to try and let go of the things that I can't control and get a grip on the things I can control.
At the moment there's not a lot I can do about OH health, or the fact that work is utter pants so I need to shut up and get on with the things that I can do something about (like the amount of lard I shovel into my mouth).
I've dug out an old Scottish Slimmers book I got after ds was born but I never tried. It's time I gave it a proper go - I hate the new ww system, and can never quite get a grip on sw so this must be one to at least look at.
I had a good day foodwise yesterday, which I am pleased about. Just need to take it one day at a time. I've had a mini pitta with houmous and mushrooms/tomato for breakfast this morning. So far so good.
I've put on over a stone since I was measured for my wedding dress so I really need to lose at least that and sooner rather than later.

Lemon_Tree

ah the joys of getting a wedding dress, i still remember the harrowing visits to various shops. worst was, the woman asking how much weight i planned to lose as she struggled to put a dress over my head. and wondering why i didn't like said dress when it made me look like the child one of cinderella's sisters who had had an affair with the back end of a bus.

i'll be your diet buddy as well though i have to admit i'm doing WW, i don't really remember the first version of the points system so i'm treating it like a new venture and concentrating which is all good.

wannabee_in_credit

Excellent. The more buddies and support I have the better. We're all on the same road, and it doesn't matter how we get there does it? As long as we encourage each other along... I found my dream wedding dress in Berketex, and they measured me up and very politely told me I measured in as a size 18 on top and a 24 on the bottom. How's that for pear shaped? They were so polite but I was devastated. I'd be double devastated not to get into a size 24 wedding dress.
Just been to my dad and he's given me a load of pies. His friend runs a cafe in town and these were leftovers from yesterday that need using, but too many for my dad as he's on his own. So I have in the oven a large steak pie, a cheese pasty, a mince pie and a pork and black pudding pie. All of which I want to eat, but realistically I can probably only have a teeny tiny piece of one. I think that the OH and kids will enjoy, but I am wondering if I can freeze the leftovers? I've never done pastry freezing before...
AND, I think this might be the post that gets me my bronze star...

mandz1

I too want to lose weight, lost 2 stone last year then from december onwards i have put most of it back on. Boredom is my weakness for snacking. Doubt i would ever have to look for a wedding dress though.

And congrats on the bronze star