Time to Take Control

BlushingRose

wannabee_in_credit wrote: »

It feels so good saving money - I don't want to go back to the old me. I'm going to read back through this - I know that I didn't think it would last for ever feeling good so that's why I started the diary. Hopefully it'll help...

You won;t go back to the old you - that's obvious by your words here xx
If you fancy coming round and doing some housework here - that'd be GREAT!

wannabee_in_credit

I hate housework but love the flylady thread on the o/s board. I do a tiny bit every day normally and it makes a huge difference... I've really noticed that I've done nothing all week.
I really hope I don't fall back into my old ways because I'm feeling stressed and a bit miserable. I'm sure I'm stronger than that though, I just need to find it.

BlushingRose

wannabee_in_credit wrote: »

3 days ago I read a post on here (Blushing Rose). I recognised so much of myself that I decided to bite the bullet after months of lurking, sign up and ask for help...

Awww, bless your heart *hug* I've only just found your diary and just wanted to say that you're one of the people who keep ME going as well xxx

BlushingRose

wannabee_in_credit wrote: »

I hate housework but love the flylady thread on the o/s board. I do a tiny bit every day normally and it makes a huge difference... I've really noticed that I've done nothing all week.
I really hope I don't fall back into my old ways because I'm feeling stressed and a bit miserable. I'm sure I'm stronger than that though, I just need to find it.

I loathe it and, to be honest, the house is a total mess and I find it very difficult to keep on top of it. I guess I just lack motivation and, within a week I feel like I needn't have bothered as it just looks the same again.

wannabee_in_credit

Well it's happened. OH has been signed off work sick again... I have no clue what to do, because I just can't even make my brain think straight.
1. He's depressed, which is depressing to everyone in contact with him.
2. I'm incredibly stressed myself at work and on the verge of a meltdown, but I'm not allowed to now because I'm looking after him and the kids.
3. How is his behaviour and my reaction to it affecting our kids?
4. He doesn't get paid sick so we're going to be £1000+ worse off a month.
5. We're supposed to be getting married in August. Is it even worth it?
I just wish I knew where to start or what to do. I don't think I can allow him to put me and the kids through this again. At the moment I can't even bear to speak to him because I'm so angry. I know he can't help it, but I have no compassion left for him any more because he makes no attempt to help himself. He does nothing and I'm left being full time teacher, mother, cook, cleaner, breadwinner, accountant etc.

BlushingRose

I'm so sorry that you're having such a horrid time. It can't be easy looking after everyone like this.
Does he take medication for his depression?
I have suffered myself in the past and it makes you just not care at all about yourself. You can't be bothered to do anything, you have no motivation because, what's the point?
You ARE allowed a meltdown - of course you are. You need to look after yourself and, reading your post, you sound a bit depressed yourself.
My advice would be to go to the Dr and discuss this with them. Ask if there's any help out there for you, some respite or similar to help you cope xx

BlushingRose

Hopefully this might help xx

http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/diseases/depression/caringforsomeonewithdepression_000482.htm

wannabee_in_credit

Thanks so much BR, I really do appreciate it... I've read through that article, and I just know that I don't have the capacity to cope with him going through a depressed phase again. I've got too much other stuff on at the moment, and a couple of kids to look after who really do need a parent.
I saw the doctor myself over half term and he diagnosed me with severe stress rather than depression. He warned me to look after myself otherwise I might burn out... hahaha, I cannot remember how it feels to actually look after myself. So, not depressed, just really overdone with problem situations at the moment.
I've still not properly spoken to OH, as too stressed to do it properly, but I left him a list of jobs to do today, and much to my surprise he did most of them - which shows he is at least making some small effort. So I will be grateful for that - I had no flylady to do tonight which meant I could get on and prepare dinner for him to cook tomorrow night. It makes me think that when he gets better and we get out of this horrific debt situation then I'm going to get a cleaner.
Good things today - passed my official work observation with flying colours. OH did jobs, and I had a nsd.
Not good things - both car and fridge making scary sounding noises. Thankfully fridge still under guarantee. Don't know what to do about the car. Leave it and hope it goes away.
I will get there.
Just checked emergency/wedding/savings pot and have broken the £600 barrier. Not bad for 3 months of work (although it does include my 2 months off paying council tax, tax rebate etc and other stuff that I won't be able to do over the next 3 months. But that's a good feeling for now.

BlushingRose

Oh good news that OH did the jobs you asked him to do - perhaps that's what he needs at the moment, lists of things to do (if that's the case, give him more work lol)

A huge well done for your observation, they're never fun cos you double guess yourself all the time.

wannabee_in_credit

BlushingRose wrote: »

Oh good news that OH did the jobs you asked him to do - perhaps that's what he needs at the moment, lists of things to do (if that's the case, give him more work lol)

Don't you worry. The list is already on the go for tomorrow. I will have a perfect looking house and garden before too long.:T