you know when all you lovely people give advice...

postingalwaysposting

tesuhoha wrote: »

Remember you will feel a whole lot worse if she takes your card for food tomorrow, so do something to stop it before its too late. You dont have a lot of money, you cant afford to keep subsidising other people. From the sound of it, she doesnt even buy the food you like.

i have my purse and card up here in my room stashed, also if she goes to work then she wont go near shops

postingalwaysposting

tesuhoha wrote: »

In that case I think you should close your bank account and take out all the money. Tell your mother what you are doing and that you do not intend to give her any more money. Open a new account. The Alliance & Leicester are quite good. Remember that no one can set up a direct debit on an account of yours without your permission.

Hope you dont mind me asking this Posting but does your mum work? What kind of an income does she have of her own? If we knew this it would be easier to advise you.

yep she works...

3 days 7am ~ 3pm on a burgar van £40 a day and 5 days 4pm/5pm ~ 8pm in morrisons... £5.15 an hour (i think) but with all what she pays she never has anything, i have seen here account and they are very very bad... debits here there and everywhere... i hate to think what will happen when she retires

tesuhoha

Posting, if she is working she must have an income, also maybe benefits. Maybe you should sit down with her and give her a lesson on managing her money so that she does not have to take from you. You should be paying her something for your keep etc but that is all. She should be able to manage on it.

I think you should do a spreadsheet of her earnings, benefits, money from you etc as income, and then do one of all her outgoings and see what the situation is. If her outgoings are less than her income she should not be asking for anything extra from you at all. If her income is less then maybe you could look at how she could reduce her outgoings. Its not right that youre paying her debts. Give her a lesson in Moneysaving.

tesuhoha

Thats not a bad income Posting, what with what she gets from you. Does she get benefit at all? I think she earns more than you by the look of it. Havent worked it out but I think you should, in detail. I think you should look into her finances and try to sort her out a bit without subsidising. I think your dear little brother should be giving her something for his keep as well.

postingalwaysposting

tesuhoha wrote: »

Posting, if she is working she must have an income, also maybe benefits. Maybe you should sit down with her and give her a lesson on managing her money so that she does not have to take from you. You should be paying her something for your keep etc but that is all. She should be able to manage on it.

I think you should do a spreadsheet of her earnings, benefits, money from you etc as income, and then do one of all her outgoings and see what the situation is. If her outgoings are less than her income she should not be asking for anything extra from you at all. If her income is less then maybe you could look at how she could reduce her outgoings. Its not right that youre paying her debts. Give her a lesson in Moneysaving.

tes i have tried that, she has even signed up on here... either postings mum or postings' mum (you can see her old soa) the problem is she spends soo much... like petrol, money after she finished work, she doesnt do a big shop just top up shops, she has an argos card in her partners name so she pays that, she has to pay back housing benifit and working tax credits and she also pays effectivley this dca. She is no good with money (not after bills anyway) she scraps buy from one week to the next. i used to be like that now i am getting better but i have a long way to go i still buy lots of rubbish

tesuhoha

Thats almost £200 a week without what she gets from you, that is working it out with her working from 5pm. Its more than that if she works from 4pm.

tesuhoha

Well, its not your fault shes rubbish with money and you shouldnt have to pay for her mistakes. Think you should tell her shes got to start managing because you are only going to pay your keep money from now on. I know this sounds very hard but maybe you should get angry and say that you are her daughter and you dont know of anyone else who has to bail out their parents financially. I do realise what a difficult position youre in here, Posting, but I dont think youve got any choice. You cant carry on like this or it will drive you crazy. You have to stand up to her, be blunt with her and tell her what you think of her irresponsible ways. I dont mean be hysterical and shout. I mean be cutting and blunt with her and let her know that you think shes behaving like a child and should be more responsible as the adult that she is.

postingalwaysposting

yep its about £800 (minus tax and ni) and then she gets £130 from me and something from my brother... so yes her income about £850 after tax etc etc but she has rent, council tax, food, loads of overpayments, gas and elec (over £250 last month the companys wont do anything as its card meters), toiletries, fags, lottery, argos card, her dca, bt (as explained above) the petrol, and insurance... its never ending :rolleyes:

tesuhoha

postingalwaysposting wrote: »

yep its about £800 (minus tax and ni) and then she gets £130 from me and something from my brother... so yes her income about £850 after tax etc etc but she has rent, council tax, food, loads of overpayments, gas and elec (over £250 last month the companys wont do anything as its card meters), toiletries, fags, lottery, argos card, her dca, bt (as explained above) the petrol, and insurance... its never ending :rolleyes:

Thats not your worry though, its hers. Tell her to give up the fags and the lottery. Be hard. I feel so sorry for you Posting. Its so frustrating not being able to help but ultimately the only person who can help you, who can change your life, is yourself. Just keep that in mind because you just HAVE to.

tesuhoha

Yes I think you should start letting her know what you think of her behaviour, how disgusted and fed up you are. I think you should act resentful and like your patience is wearing very thin. Its all true. Things to keep in mind.

You can get advice from here but only You can change your life.

It needs to change.

Carry on saying no and being strong.

Your mother and family might be stuck for cash but you dont have the money either. Remember when they ask, you CANT afford it; youve got nothing.