how would you feel is a teacher called your son sexy ?

CruisingSaver

Spendless wrote: »

Think that depends on the school. The one my 11yo attends gives detentions over any piece of missed homework, not handed in on due date, any part of PE kit missing (friend's son got one for not having sports socks, her other for missing 1 shinpad- it had fallen out of car door when she dropped him off)whereas a recent thread in DT was from another member talking about her son only getting them for misbehaviour at his school. My son got one for not putting printed off homework in his bag, so he came home and pasted it in and then the following day he received another cos he's pasted it into his French book instead of his History one cos his exercise books are the same colour.

Oh it definitely does depend on the school. My daughter's is a large school (over 250 pupils in Year 7 alone) and has a strict attitude to discipline and sounds pretty similar to your son's in respect of what detentions are handed out for.

They're given a fortnight's grace at the start of Y7 to find their way around, get used to how the school works etc. but then they're treated the same as every other pupil.

meds12_2

AndrewSmith wrote: »

I fail to see how calling an 11 year old boy "good looking, fit, sexy and everybody fancies him" is in any way pointing out a behavioural issue.

Of course I have said things in the wrong way before, however I have never spoken in such a way about a child, especially a child entrusted to my care. Mistake or not, what the teacher said was wholly inappropriate, concerning and should be raised with the headteacher.

As I said before, reverse the sexes, imagine a male teacher made the same comments about an 11 year old girl and see how defensive you would all be then.

The problem as I read it was that he was repeatedly getting detentions for talking during lesson time - this was explained by the fact he is "popular" (hence people want to talk to him). The OP later came back on and posted that he was in trouble again for talking during lessons.

Basically we don't know the context, or the tone of voice, or really what was said - people have been shown by research to have pretty poor memories for words and events. Making a big issue out of this is IMO, over the top, but then I wasn't there.

I've heard lot of people referring to children as "sexy" in bantery / jokey ways (eg using put-on voices). I haven't, but I think it's pretty common.

Maybe, if it has really upset the OP, a word with the teacher who said it so she can explain herself? I would let it pass, but that's just me.

AndrewSmith

I still see no correlation between disruptive behaviour and referring to a child as the teacher in this case did. It's inexcusable and unacceptable. A teacher is supposed to demonstrate a professional approach in dealing with children, not refer to them in such a way.

My wife has been a teacher for 17 years and would be horrified if a colleague did this.

It's funny how everyone is avoiding to comment on how it would be viewed if a male teacher had done the same.

A teacher holds a position of trust and responsibility. I would be livid if my child had been referred to in this way. Behavioural issues are described as "he is disruptive, he talks a lot in class, other children follow his lead when misbehaving" not "he is good looking, fit, sexy and everyone fancies him". Please explain how the latter relates in any way to describing disruptive behaviour in the classroom? It does nothing of the sort and is merely a description of the child's physical appearance which, when commented on by an adult in such a way in whatever context, is just wrong.

Only a sick or very naive and silly individual would refer to an 11 year old child in this way.

hardpressed

In my opinion a totally inappropiate thing to say. What is she saying to the children in class, is she saying that x, y or z is sexy? If she was concerned that girls were drooling over him and he was playing up to them it would have been better to have a private word with his parents, so that they could make sure that he wasn't taken it too far.

As for a teacher arranging for him to change detention so that he can play sport is wrong.

purple.sarah

Heart_Shaped_Diamond wrote: »

Is it just me that wonders why her sons 'popularity' has anything to do with this? Or have I missed the point... Not hating, just wondering

Because it was what the conversation with the teacher was about, it was cited as one reason for him being on report because everyone follows what he does wrong as he is popular. And the teacher called him sexy when she was talking about his popularity, it's the context of the conversation.

purple.sarah

I think it is inappropriate to call an 11 year old sexy or for a teacher to call any student sexy! Even if it is casually overused now, for her to use language like that because it's cool with the kids smacks of bad boundary setting and trying to be a peer rather than an authority figure, as does the other teacher moving detentions so he can play sports!

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Spendless wrote: »

Think that depends on the school. The one my 11yo attends gives detentions over any piece of missed homework, not handed in on due date, any part of PE kit missing (friend's son got one for not having sports socks, her other for missing 1 shinpad- it had fallen out of car door when she dropped him off)whereas a recent thread in DT was from another member talking about her son only getting them for misbehaviour at his school. My son got one for not putting printed off homework in his bag, so he came home and pasted it in and then the following day he received another cos he's pasted it into his French book instead of his History one cos his exercise books are the same colour.


I'm another one who thinks she meant the word 'sexy' as in good-looking, fanciable. I cringed when I heard my DH's older teenage cousins refer to their toddler neice as 'sexy' but they meant cute, pretty, adorable. It definately has got a different type of meaning by some people, whether that is a generation or region thing I don't know.

It doesn't depend so much on the school - it depends on whether or not the child follows the school rules or not. If someone does their homework on time, puts effort into it, demonstrates attention to detail and complies with the rules on uniform, punctuality and attendance, as well as not being disruptive, then they don't get detentions.

Fairly simple, really.



I think the teacher in the OP was trying to explain that the boy is so busy entertaining the girls that he disrupts them as well as his mates. All 11 year olds are not equal - and one that is sporty, cocky and tall is going to have girls mooning over him and sidekicks following his every move.

But, as he is obviously quite likeable at the same time, she wasn't prepared to say that he is a flaming pain in the backside to teach.

jellyhead

'sexy' is used for almost anything these days in high school. Last time I made a crumble it was pronounced 'sexy' by my teenager and his friends.

Does nobody else think the teacher was joking around with the kid? Was she laughing? While I think she went over the top (and having a child declaring on facebook that their teacher called them sexy is awful!) My initial thought was that she was having a laugh and trying to get through to him by using the same sort of language that the kids might use. She was trying to appeal to his ego as a trendsetter and make him consider behaving better as a role model to the others. I bet she regrets it now!

Schools do tend to shift a detention if it clashes with something that's useful to the child. My son has had 1 detention (ever! - he's in year 11) and when I called to ask if it could be moved because the class teacher wanted them to stay behind for an extra coursework session that day they cancelled his detention completely, because the coursework was more beneficial than hi twiddling his thumbs. I wanted them to shift it to the following day, not cancel it!

Anyway, shifting 1 detention makes sense, but continuing to do it is bonkers, the kid needs to change his behaviour and stop getting detentions, or just learn to live with it if his detentions clash with sports.

AndrewSmith

But the teacher didn't just say he was "sexy" which could be construed as having another meaning. The teacher said "he is good looking, fit and sexy and everyone fancies him".

How can it possibly be defended when used in this context? She clearly didn't mean popular or cool but was making a direct comment about the physical attractiveness of an 11 year old child which is just outrageous.

How can any responsible adult see this as acceptable and appropriate? Again, let's have views on if it was a male teacher?

jellyhead

It's not acceptable or appropriate, and I hope she is kicking herself for it. School should have a word with her and make sure she doesn't say that sort of thing again, and suggest other ways of trying to get through to him. I just don't think it necessarily means she actually fancies him.

A move away from this particular teacher might be necessary, perhaps a pupil intervention plan (I think that's what it's called?) where teacher and parents meet and have a plan to sort out all the issues and iron out any worries. Somebody should keep an eye on this teacher but I don't think she should be sacked for it unless there's more that we don't know about.