am I silly to be upset?

meritaten

I think people are taking my post wrong!
I do NOT think my DIL deliberately tried to upset me! however, I think she was thoughtless! She KNOWS I always try to go to the grandkids nativities - I probably hold the world record on attending them! Ive even attended grandkids nativities where I was desperately trying to translate the language in my head fast enough to understand whats going on!

There is NO limit on tickets - I hope that is established!

Yes, I am miffed! DIL could have ASKED me if I wanted to go! I ASSUMED she would want me to go!

my other DIL (the ditzy one) automatically gets me a ticket! without asking if I can go!

Am I silly for feeling miffed? well, silly or not - I am!
Feel better now.............I have owned up to feeling miffed and whether its justified or not - bu99er it! thats HOW I FEEL!

Kay_Peel

Yes, I think your DIl has been very thoughtless and I'd be hurt in your position.

You are a key part of her childcare arrangments and the star of the show is your grandson. It's hard to see why she didn't think of you when the arrangements were being made, but I can think of one scenario:

She mentioned it in passing and you didn't respond. Perhaps she was 'flying a flag' but your lack of response made her think you weren't keen. I don't know - it's a long shot, and I'm trying to put her in the best possible light.

I would just turn up. You might be the kind of polite person that needs to wait for an invite, but I'm not! There are no restrictions on seating numbers, so you can hardly be thrown out or prevented from watching. So just go and give your grandson a lovely surprise.

Good luck!

BitterAndTwisted

I'm the sort of person who gets miffed when I think I've been overlooked or disregarded on purpose. I would never ask for an invitation to anything. Not from family. No-one. I live in dread of being seen to winkle my way into something or somewhere I'm not wanted. Sometimes other people assume things and that's when the problems start. I doubt that other people would be so unkind to mention something that you're not invited to. But that doesn't mean that the asking or enquiring is easy. Your DIL would probably be mortified to know that she may have snubbed you in some way, I'm sure

minnie123

I agree she has been very thoughtless. I have a 3 year old and have nobody to help me pickup/collect, babysit etc etc.. Me and my partner have to do it all ourselves. Seems to me the more help people seem to get the more ungrateful they seem. I am very jealous can you tell?? x

Edited to add - not that I begrudge it he is my son after all - it just would be nice to have a little help sometimes.

Murtle

If there are no limits on tickets, then get one tomorrow and go.

But in future, make your desires clear to people, you assumed and she assumed - if you'd talked you wouldn't be feeling miffed right now.

But yes, feel miffed for now, but ask her first thing in the morning to get you a ticket so you can all go. Otherwise phone the school and say that you'd like one (assuming they know you)!!

daska

You have a choice, ring DIL first thing in the morning and ask whether you're allowed to come, ditto but do the "OMG I only just realised it's the nativity today, what time should I meet you?" or ring the school, check what time it starts and turn up on spec. Or alternatively you could do what I do and sit at home nursing a wounded pride that you've been deliberately excluded - when in fact it's a stupid oversight and everyone's surprised you're not there...

Go see your grandson hun, I'll be thinking of you while I'm watching DS2 being the Angel Gabriel but thinking he's a camel (there is humour in the blessing of having a child with severe language difficulties).

scottishchick27

Oh poor you, yes I would feel miffed. If there had only been two tickets then I would've automatically got one for my mum and not my MIL but if there was no restriction then I would've got one for her. Your DIL has been thoughtless though considering that you care for your grandchild as much as the other grandmother does. I would get a ticket tomorrow and go anyway.

coolcait

You're upset. That's how you feel. That doesn't make it silly of you.

I do think, however, that this is a classic case of us being able to see potential "solutions", and give advice to others, but being utterly blind to our own situation.

If another poster had said that she was feeling upset because she hadn't been invited to a grandchild's school nativity celebration. And she knew that there wasn't a problem with numbers of tickets per child, because she'd been listening to other families talk about it, and they had 4 tickets each. And that she knows the other granny is going, because DIL mentioned it in the passing.

And umpteen other opportunities when she could have exclaimed "oh, the nativity's happening on [date]! Is there still time for me to get a ticket?!"

But didn't say a word.

Just waited.

What would you say to that poster?

There has been a suggestion that you assumed you'd be invited. Maybe your DIL assumed you would say if you wanted to go (since you clearly knew it was happening).

As the old saying goes, "Never assume - it makes an !!! out of U and ME".

If you expected your DIL to make all the running by inviting you, that's another kettle of fish. But there's no point going there unless you really did expect that, and that's why you have resolutely said nothing to your DIL about it.

If you want to see your Grandson in his nativity event, and there are no restrictions on numbers, then there is absolutely no reason why you shouldn't follow the advice to make blithe exclamations about it being nativity day already, and going along.

If you want to make a point about the importance of mind reading among family members, stay at home and do a Tam O'Shanter's wife.

Take a step back from it, and tell yourself what you would tell another FM. As frankly as you would tell them.

If you do that, then I think you will go to the nativity performace. I hope it's a magical moment for you and the rest of the family.:)

Sambucus_Nigra

Sorry but she is being a little mean and very rude.

What would happen if you turned round and said 'well, I DID think you appreciated my free childcare but you snubbed me on DGS's nativity yesterday so I am reviewing the situation'?

CH27

daska wrote: »

You have a choice, ring DIL first thing in the morning and ask whether you're allowed to come, ditto but do the "OMG I only just realised it's the nativity today, what time should I meet you?" or ring the school, check what time it starts and turn up on spec. Or alternatively you could do what I do and sit at home nursing a wounded pride that you've been deliberately excluded - when in fact it's a stupid oversight and everyone's surprised you're not there...

Go see your grandson hun, I'll be thinking of you while I'm watching DS2 being the Angel Gabriel but thinking he's a camel (there is humour in the blessing of having a child with severe language difficulties).

That's what I would do.