christmas/new year when split with kids

candygirl

VfM4meplse wrote: »

And men come and go too...and most of the time you're better off when they've gone. Will this relationship extend beyond the childhood, esp if this situation becomes an even greater sticking point?

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

lostinrates

thrifty-gal26 wrote: »

Not to sound harsh but I think all this "christmas is all about the kids" is a load of rubbish. Christmas is for friends, family, partners and who ever is special in your life. And if you can't spend the actual Christmas day with someone, what is wrong with the 27th? .

I disagree....I think it is very special for children, after all, they haven't had tenty years of very often the same meal yet! and, after split they often need to know their parents will (at least while dependnt) put their needs first. But I do agree, having a special day with your present parter is VITAL, and that could indeed be boxing day. I also agree sending time with faily etc, and also RELAXING is important.

thrifty-gal26

Oh, don't get me wrong, I am not saying it is not special for kids. My DSS always has a special time as I am sure the one we have on the way will

I just mean that it isn't just a kids holiday. I think it should be about family and friends too, not just kids.

And I actually enjoy xmas more than any of the kids in our family, am the most excited and am the first one up lol

I do hope I get some of that RELAXING bit this year :rotfl:

VestanPance

I think the situation is something anyone dating someone who already has children has to think about before entering a relationship with them.

Any special events through the year will need some sort of compromise, such as in this instance him wanting to spend Christmas with his children. It's understandable the OP is upset over this as she would like to spend this special day with him, but no matter the arrangement that is made if you date someone with kids the chances are some dates will not be how you wanted or planned them to be. You're taking on more than just a person.

Christmas, New Year, Easter, Holidays, Birthdays etc. It's no longer straight forward to arrange these things alone with your partner. Most likely they'll put seeing their kids higher or at least as high as spending time with you. In dating someone with kids you're taking on a family (one that's not yours and your input may be limited), not a person.

elvis86

thewanted wrote: »

However, my boyfriend is coming up to his second Christmas of not being with his wife ( he's separated rather than divorced). On Christmas day he will be having dinner with his kids and his wife. I spoke to him about New Year yesterday and he told me he hadn't discussed it with her yet but last year he went round for midnight as the kids like to stay up on the night. She also has a boyfriend.

thewanted wrote: »

I have to admit I'm finding the whole thing difficult of dating someone with children and I know his other relationships have failed due to the amount of time he dedicate to them

How many relationships has he had since splitting up with his wife?! If this is their second Christmas apart, they've not even been seperated for 2 years yet. I'm guessing this means that you've not been together for long, if he had other relationships between his ex-wife and you?

If you and he have barely been together 5 minutes then you've really no right dictating his Christmas plans. Furthermore, I would've thought that having kids yourself, you might be a bit wary about interfering with their Christmas by dropping a relatively new partner into the mix..?

pinkclouds

thewanted wrote: »

I know everyone does things different

My advice is to re-read the first few words of your initial post. "Everyone does things [differently]." I cannot see anything sinister in your boyfriend's parenting style. You can either accept this or you can dump him.

The only way I can see this changing would be if you and your boyfriend had a child. That would then present a new joint priority for your boyfriend (previous kids and new kid) and he would then doubtlessly alter his Christmas/New Year arrangements to suit both "sets" of children. However, this still would be for the kids' benefit - not you or his ex.

Oldernotwiser

I can see why arrangements for Christmas day are difficult because obviously that's a big deal for children. New Year's Eve, though, is an adult occasion and I can't really see why he should need to spend it with his ex, just because she allows such young children to stay up for it.

split_second

we have this situation this year, my mum being as accomodating as possible, we going to see her during the day on christmas eve as she has somewhere to go and my dad doesnt.

my dad has to stop lying and stuff first, he is the least mature 55 year old i have ever met

thewanted_2

thrifty-gal26 wrote: »

My OH and his ex take it in turns every year. One has xmas day, one has boxing day. Their son gets two xmas', one with them, one with us. We have been together for 6 years but this has been in place since we got togther when his son was 2.

Not to sound harsh but I think all this "christmas is all about the kids" is a load of rubbish. Christmas is for friends, family, partners and who ever is special in your life. And if you can't spend the actual Christmas day with someone, what is wrong with the 27th?

I think there is too much pressure and stress around Christmas!

OP, I would just ask your BF is you can spend Christmas together and he see the kids on boxing day. If he says no, ask him if you can spend boxing day together instead. I wouldn't worry too much about the future for now and just take each xmas as it comes.

In the grand scheme of things xmas day is just one day. Who ever your BF spends it with there are loads of other days to celebrate with you or his kids. You can have fun and be together no matter what the date.

I'm not too bothered about Christmas it's more the New Year. I had thought it would be nice together as I won't have my kids. His kids, despite their age have decided Christmas day. Originally they were going to spend all day here as their Mother had something else she wanted to do. When the eldest found out she told her Mum that she wanted to see her on Christmas day, which is fair enough. When asked what she wanted to do about seeing me and my kids she opted ( the daughter, not the wife!:rotfl:) asked to see us from the late afternoon.

thewanted_2

thewanted wrote: »

I'm not too bothered about Christmas it's more the New Year. I had thought it would be nice together as I won't have my kids. His kids, despite their age have decided Christmas day. Originally they were going to spend all day here as their Mother had something else she wanted to do. When the eldest found out she told her Mum that she wanted to see her on Christmas day, which is fair enough. When asked what she wanted to do about seeing me and my kids she opted ( the daughter, not the wife!:rotfl:) asked to see us from the late afternoon.

Besides this we are travelling to his parents on boxing day until New Years Eve with his kids. I fully take on board that this is the sort of thing that occurs when you date someone with children which is one of the reasons I have avoided doing this in the four years since I was separated up until this boyfriend. It also comes with many benefits.