Sick of being taken the !!!! out of

suited-aces

Person_one wrote: »

I hate this kind of guilt tripping, not everybody has the same wonderful parents!

Did your dad stab people?

Thank you person one, top top post.

missfit44

I know where your coming from. I'm a carer for my mother she lives with me she can't do much because of her disabilities and she is very forgetful on times. You feel like a hamster on a wheel just going round and round and yes my mother's disabilities have changed her from the person she used to be. She now dwells on her disabilities and usually starts her sentences with 'I can't' which annoys me because I think that sometimes she will not even try, that annoys me more than anything. The royal 'we' gets used a lot too. But she is my mother and she is a good one too. My father died in his 50's suddenly and it hit all of us but my mother was lost without him and she said if it wasn't for us she would just have curled up and followed him. It is the hardest thing in the world to do there is no right or wrong way and sometimes that wall hurts when you keep hitting your head on it. Unlike you I'm lucky to have a job but I work 12 hour shifts, I had to change my work to look after my mother. But she is your mum and there must be some good times you have had together. I also have two sisters who don't do much in terms of my mums care. When times get bad for me I usually go for a long walk just to get some peace and to calm down, if you can find a carers group to join or encourage your mum to go to a day centre anything for the both of you to have a break from each other. Hope you can find something that helps

meritaten

how are you today Lisa? seen the doc?
some great advice about career here dont you think?
please update when you can - been thinking about you! had probs with AOL last night so couldnt post if you are wondering where I was!

LisaB85

meritaten wrote: »

how are you today Lisa? seen the doc?
some great advice about career here dont you think?
please update when you can - been thinking about you! had probs with AOL last night so couldnt post if you are wondering where I was!

Went to the doctor, he doesn't think the cough is anything to worry about but to go back if it hasn't gone next week. I don't cough as much now so think it is clearing up.

I've been giving a form to complete to see if I am depressed but he agrees I am deffo stressed.

LisaB85

Update

Went back to doctors he has diagnosed me with depression and mild anxiety which would explain why I find dealing with new people in the street etc difficult now.

Things with my Mum aren't any different, I explained to her how difficult I find it to deal with her but she doesn't seem to understand.

She still sets out to hurt me or make me feel bad, for example my stepdads esa has been stopped and until they get the appeal letter the benefit has been suspended incl housing benefit etc, hopefully this will be sorted soon but speaking to my mum about wasting money is like banging my head against a wall.

She continues to have to go somewhere every day mon-fri often stopping to buy coffee etc.

And wanting me to switch the heating on during the day, no money coming in apart from DLA means the 4 bottles we have need to last.

I came down with Norovirus yesterday and was in bed or on the loo all day and all she worried about was me putting the heating on, today was the same so I gave in then was promptly ill in the loo.

This evening I have managed to come down for food and feel a bit better but all she is worried about is putting the boot in, the heating is set to come on at 4pm at 4.05pm she was asking me to check the heating as the rads weren't hot yet.. I told her to wait a while as it doesn't heat straight away, 4.10pm she raised her voice and asked me to check the boiler and said -

'I think you might have messed with the boiler out of spite'

Yet another way of showing how little she really thinks of me

4.15pm she gets up and checks the rads and of course they are hot then gets in a snot telling me not to look at her like 'that'.

Keep having dreams where I end up telling her I hate her, is this what the underlying feeling has turned into? Hate?

meritaten

Lisa - your dream is probably just your minds way of telling you that this is what your situation could result in. You are feeling so much anger and resentment towards your mum - your dream is warning you that if the situation isnt dealt with - then screaming 'I hate you' at your mum could be the result! obviously you dont want to do that or the dream wouldnt be disturbing you so much!
Hun, please just get yourself out of your home situation ANY way you CAN! I know you want a particular career, but right now is NOT the best time to pursue those plans if you are suffering depression and anxiety, is it?

Wouldnt it be better to take a live in job or any job which requires you to move out of home? and get YOURSELF feeling well? maybe save up some money (many live in jobs will allow you to save a good amount even if the wages dont LOOK terribly good - as ALL your living expenses are paid). Only for six months or so? a year - thats not a HUGE chunk of your life and it may be just what you need.
I really feel that the way you see your family and your relationship with them right now - you are doing real damage to your psyche by staying! Please leave hun.

DVardysShadow

LisaB85 wrote: »

... Keep having dreams where I end up telling her I hate her, is this what the underlying feeling has turned into? Hate?

What meritaten says.

Dreams are at least in part an element of learned behaviour. So it looks like you are arming up to say something. More interesting than what you say is what she says or does in the dream to prompt you to speak out. This will be some sort of template of the trigger for you to react.

meritaten

DVardysShadow wrote: »

What meritaten says.

Dreams are at least in part an element of learned behaviour. So it looks like you are arming up to say something. More interesting than what you say is what she says or does in the dream to prompt you to speak out. This will be some sort of template of the trigger for you to react.

If you can remember what is said in the dream to provoke this 'I hate you' response' - it would be so informative hun, this would tell you just how far mum could go (or has gone) - to finally be the straw that breaks the camels back. DVardy is absolutely right there!