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Sick of being taken the !!!! out of

24567

Comments

  • LisaB85 wrote: »
    I'd love to and that is my aim, I need to learn to drive first so need a job to cover that then I'm gone.


    Is that a prerequsite these days? I would have thought they would realise that if someone is prepared to sleep in a stable and look after horses for a living, they may not yet have a licence. After all, it's a job that 16 year olds can do. And they can't drive legally.

    Sometimes putting barriers like 'when I pass my test' 'when I do this, that or the other' only serve to keep you back.
    I could dream to wide extremes, I could do or die: I could yawn and be withdrawn and watch the world go by.
    colinw wrote: »
    Yup you are officially Rock n Roll :D
  • LisaB85
    LisaB85 Posts: 2,008 Forumite
    Gosh, there's a lot going on at the moment that seems to be making you unhappy and I don't really know how to respond to be honest. You do sound really bitter and angry and that is not healthy - maybe talk to your GP and see if you can get some counselling as having someone to talk to might help.

    You do need to appreciate the issues your mum has with her health - have you been to the GP with her to talk about her "senile" moments? Maybe she has always been a bit "different" but her illness is just highlighting it. Maybe she is depressed and cannot motivate herself or concentrate properly as symptoms of that.

    I think it is a bit unfair of you to say that you would never want to rely on others the way that your family relies on you - I felt this was a bit harsh and comes from you not really apppreciating how hard it can be to be chronically sick and need to ask for help. It's hard to be a carer BUT it's also hard to have to rely on others for that care.

    I think communication has broken down in your family relationships and you need some outside help to get them going again.

    Also, I think you seem down about the way you look and not having a job - these are things you can work on.

    Try to talk to someone who is a little bit on the outside to talk through how you feel.

    She doesn't need to rely on me to do little things like open a bin etc I feel since she has got DLA she has become worse but it is only me who has to deal with it, my sister doesn't do the cooking or house work because my mum won't ask her to do it. It is always me that is asked, I don't mind cooking etc at times but 2 weeks ago she got back off holiday so the Sunday I did all her washing and cooked a roast dinner while she dozed in the chair and my sister laid in bed until midday.

    I understand it can't be nice to be ill but she seems happy to sit round and not push herself, I know another woman who has Lupus but she pushes herself to do things that make her feel better I also have a friend who has MS he is the same, stubborn maybe but by pushing himself he prevents getting depressed about his illness.

    I am depressed about being out of work, I get interviews but that is as far as I get and I'm getting fed up with it as I know what I want to do but I'm stuck.

    But as others have pointed out I'm clearly the wrong and I'm the selfish one.
  • Person_one
    Person_one Posts: 28,884 Forumite
    Tenth Anniversary 10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    LisaB85 wrote: »
    I might aswell !!!!ing kill myself then as clearly I am as useless as my mother tells me I am. I don't do all the house work, sort her debts or finances, I didn't save her from eviction I must be imagining it.

    I would rather not see my dad because I am busy I had a hospital appointment I had to cancel, he also subjected me to watching him stab my stepdad when I was 10!


    I have to second the above poster who suggested counselling, and redoubling your job hunt to move out asap.
  • LisaB85
    LisaB85 Posts: 2,008 Forumite
    Is that a prerequsite these days? I would have thought they would realise that if someone is prepared to sleep in a stable and look after horses for a living, they may not yet have a licence. After all, it's a job that 16 year olds can do. And they can't drive legally.

    Sometimes putting barriers like 'when I pass my test' 'when I do this, that or the other' only serve to keep you back.

    Most jobs are out in the country so no public transport, I could get a scooter but have no way of getting to interviews etc my local yard is a 20 min walk away and I'm gaining experience that way but there is no accom.
  • geri1965_2
    geri1965_2 Posts: 8,736 Forumite
    LisaB85 wrote: »


    I would rather not see my dad because I am busy I had a hospital appointment I had to cancel, he also subjected me to watching him stab my stepdad when I was 10!

    But you are happy to take his money from him. There's no such thing as a free lunch - people usually want something in return, whether it is your time or something else.
  • meritaten
    meritaten Posts: 24,158 Forumite
    I agree with JoJo's last post, I disagree with other posters who think you are behaving like a 'princess'.
    I think you are a young woman who is at the end of her tether! I think you also have a narcissistic parent (or two) who also has Lupus. I know two women with that condition and the one holds down a job, takes care of the house beautifully and has brought up two children. The other sounds rather like your mum but less extreme - sadly she died recently aged 61.

    I really think you should start looking for live-in jobs! try looking outside the box hun - would working in, say a large hotel doing housekeeping/waitressing be so bad? or even housekeeping for a genuine invalid? its much easier when they arent related and you see it just a job!
    you could also think of working on large cruise ships - My Sisters SIL did that - she loved it - though she said it was 'like working at Butlins only at sea'!

    Get yourself down the doctors sweetie - you sound like you are ill! OH and if mum can clean and hoover your sisters room - then you can leave her to her own devices while you recover - under doctors orders to REST!
    GOOD LUCK SWEETY!
  • LisaB85
    LisaB85 Posts: 2,008 Forumite
    geri1965 wrote: »
    But you are happy to take his money from him. There's no such thing as a free lunch - people usually want something in return, whether it is your time or something else.

    My sister takes money from him too, the difference is she has spoken to him once since he left when I was 10 so that is 16 years! She doesn't send fathers day cards etc and the only reason she saw him when she was 18 is because brought her a camera for 1k.

    I don't want to lose contact and I do stay in contact but I can't be doing with listening to him moan about the government and telling me how screwed the country is because I don't need it.
  • LisaB85 wrote: »
    Most jobs are out in the country so no public transport, I could get a scooter but have no way of getting to interviews etc my local yard is a 20 min walk away and I'm gaining experience that way but there is no accom.

    Pushbike? They show up on Freecycle quite often.

    (I am trying to help, not criticise, and I do know that when people are young, they do tend to fix on just one way of doing things, just because they haven't had experience of looking at things from different angles - if the issue is to get out the house, then anything is acceptable, such as working in pubs or hotels, all just to get out whilst you get on with looking for your perfect job)
    I could dream to wide extremes, I could do or die: I could yawn and be withdrawn and watch the world go by.
    colinw wrote: »
    Yup you are officially Rock n Roll :D
  • geri1965_2
    geri1965_2 Posts: 8,736 Forumite
    LisaB85 wrote: »
    My sister takes money from him too, the difference is she has spoken to him once since he left when I was 10 so that is 16 years! She doesn't send fathers day cards etc and the only reason she saw him when she was 18 is because brought her a camera for 1k.

    I don't want to lose contact and I do stay in contact but I can't be doing with listening to him moan about the government and telling me how screwed the country is because I don't need it.

    Do what I do with my mum - just nod along and agree, until you can find an escape route! I do believe that parents are sent to test our patience at times.
  • LisaB85
    LisaB85 Posts: 2,008 Forumite
    meritaten wrote: »
    I agree with JoJo's last post, I disagree with other posters who think you are behaving like a 'princess'.
    I think you are a young woman who is at the end of her tether! I think you also have a narcissistic parent (or two) who also has Lupus. I know two women with that condition and the one holds down a job, takes care of the house beautifully and has brought up two children. The other sounds rather like your mum but less extreme - sadly she died recently aged 61.

    I really think you should start looking for live-in jobs! try looking outside the box hun - would working in, say a large hotel doing housekeeping/waitressing be so bad? or even housekeeping for a genuine invalid? its much easier when they arent related and you see it just a job!
    you could also think of working on large cruise ships - My Sisters SIL did that - she loved it - though she said it was 'like working at Butlins only at sea'!

    Get yourself down the doctors sweetie - you sound like you are ill! OH and if mum can clean and hoover your sisters room - then you can leave her to her own devices while you recover - under doctors orders to REST!
    GOOD LUCK SWEETY!

    That is what I was trying to say, she seems ill and needs help but can tidy my sisters bedroom including hoovering she is also able to go do a vol job which is great but a lot of it is in the mind.

    I know plenty of people who are ill and I worked with people who had difficult illnesses and while sometimes they did struggle I think they would all say it is better than wallowing.

    My Nan and Aunts are fed up too, my mum has arthritis and complains about it yet my Nan is 70 needs a knee replacement and also has arthritis but works 20-30 hours a week and thinks nothing of walking 20 minutes to the doctors in the winter. She has tried to explain to my Mum that remaining active to some degree helps and I'll vouch for that, I will still ride on Tuesday and muck out even if I still feel ill because fresh air is brilliant for making you feel better.

    I haven't had the best time, I had Lletz for precanerous cells in July, 24 hours later my Mum was asking me to hoover and expecting me to be ok. I rode a week later but felt it after and wasn't 100% for a few weeks physically the mental side of things is different, I have a check up in Jan and I am terrified as I was left traumatised so the thought of a smear scares me.

    I like helping and enjoy cooking etc but she is starting to take the !!!!, I can't get over her asking me to lift a lid of the compost bin because she can't do it.

    I worked at Butlins when I was younger and I loved it, I will look into it when the season kicks in. (I live in a seasonal town)
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