Sick of being taken the !!!! out of

LisaB85

Sorry for spilling this all out on here, those who have read posts of mine before know that I live at home with my Mum, stepdad and 19 year old princess sister. My Mum and Stepdad don't work due to illness as are about as much use as a chocolate tea pot. They constantly screw up with finances and I tried to help only to have it thrown in my face on more than one occasion.

I lost my job in May and want to move out but 1) I want to do it without benefits and 2) most of the shared houses round here are taken by Polish etc and now the rules have changed I have been told I have no chance and would be best to stick it out as it wouldn't benefit me health wise. I am at a low position now and don't want to go even lower as it will be harder to pull myself back up.

My mother is the main problem, she is hard work I spend most of my time have to explain EVERYTHING time and time again, she forgets simple things yet remembers things like when I've done something wrong. She fails simple tasks such as if she is going to the shop and I ask her to buy me a specific product she will usually get the wrong one which usually costs more, when I mention it she says 'I just didn't think' well I'm sick of her not thinking. Maybe she is going senile and deaf but is too pig headed to go and get checked, she just blames it all on her lupus etc.

She seems to forget regularly the things I do for her and when she has a go at me for stupid things I will get told off for mentioning the things I do for her or get told it is for my benefit and not for hers therefore I am selfish.

Now my real Dad has started, I keep my distance as he is overpowering sometimes and I know he may know well all he does is moan and likes to tell me I need to go into nursing, he doesn't realise that nursing takes years of training and I don't want to be a nurse so no way will I waste years to do a job I have no desire to do. I want to work with horses but both my Mum and my Dad did a good job of putting me off when I was young telling me there is no money in it, ironically there is no money in the other jobs I have done either.

My Dad gives me a couple of hundred pounds at Christmas and usually puts it in my bank, he does the same for my sister who has spoken to him once in the last 10 years but he has decided to be difficult and say he has to give it to me in cash he won't budge so tomorrow I have to go into the city to get the cash and pay it into the bank myself, no doubt he will want to spend time with me but I'm sorry I don't have time nor do I want to be depressed by him telling me how sad he feels because I have no future because of the gov.

This weekend I have been ill, I think it is just a head cold but I had a grand total of about 4 hours broken sleep last night, I couldn't breath, feel as weak as a flea and have now started coughing. If I was on my own I'd do some food but just rest. No chance of that here, my Mother has disregarded that I feel like utter !!!! and have had to play 'carer' and I feel she takes the !!!! more and more.

She went to bed last night at 8pm and got up at 9am but as soon as she got up she was on my back. I had to go out in the cold because she couldn't lift the lid on the compost bin, it isn't hard but you have to wiggle it and it pops off (it isn't heavy) in other words she looked at it decided she couldn't do it so it was down to me to do it, then she needed me to take the hoover upstairs. It is getting stupid she can't do the most simple things and relies a lot on me yet is well enough to hoover my sisters room and change her bed because my sister can't do it.

When she was away for 2 weeks I saw just how useless my sister is, she couldn't hoover because it hurt her back (no underlying health cond) and couldn't put the duvet in the duvet cover, when I asked what she would do if she had her own place she replied that Shaun (her boyfriend) would do it. She is taking after my Mother which is why they get on, my Mother relies on others do silly little things including driving her to the shop etc.

Personally I would hate to have to rely on others to simple things such as changing a bed etc I will push myself and do it even though at 5ft1 I do get tangled in the duvet cover I have never relied on a man to do anything like that. I will get a bus or walk if I need to go somewhere.

Anyway I am feeling like !!!! and have realised how alone I really am, my mum hasn't offered any support and even had ago at me because she heard me suck up my cough med because it was over flowing on the spoon, she accused me of spitting it out when she didn't even see what I was doing.

I am trying to lose weight and she knows this yet on Thursday brought me giant bag of Malteasers again she used the I didn't think excuse. Ok so I have over eaten this weekend but for some reason when I'm ill like this I pig out.

I feel like I am looking after everyone else but have nobody there for me when I need a little support. I have no job, no man, family is useless, friends are settled with kids and I can't see any future. I have lost confidence due to !!!!!! nasty men and just wish I could curl up and die.

I have friends at the stables and the stables are my only enjoyment, I would like to go to Zumba and craft things but everything costs money and well I don't have any.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Do some stables not sometimes provide accommodation or at least allow someone to stay in a caravan? Sounds like sleeping in with the horses would be less stress than in the house.

McKneff

To be honest, youre coming over like a spoiled brat.

Its you who seems to be the problem. Sorry it its not what you want to hear but your post is all about me, me, me.

Your dad gives you £200 and you moan because you have to pick it up.

Your mum is forgetful, it may be part of her illness.

To call your family useless is terrible seeing as they are putting a roof over your head.
You need to read through your own post again, hopefully you will see what I mean.

geri1965_2

I'd be more than happy to go and meet my dad if he was going to give me £200! I get a bottle of wine and a tin of Roses normally.

kingfisherblue

I've got to agree with McKneff - you refer to your 'princess sister', but fail to see that you are behaving just as precious.

i would also be happy if my dad was still alive, yet you complain about going to meet him and spend some time with him, even though he is going to give you £200.

Grow up!

Gillyx

Thing with living at home is you just have to suck it up, it's your parents house, not yours. With not working too, you should be doing as much as you can to help your folks out I'm afraid.

If I was you, I'd be applying for any jobs at the moment, get back on your feet, and see about moving out, once you have that in place, you can start thinking about jobs you'd like to do.

Tiddlywinks

Gosh, there's a lot going on at the moment that seems to be making you unhappy and I don't really know how to respond to be honest. You do sound really bitter and angry and that is not healthy - maybe talk to your GP and see if you can get some counselling as having someone to talk to might help.

You do need to appreciate the issues your mum has with her health - have you been to the GP with her to talk about her "senile" moments? Maybe she has always been a bit "different" but her illness is just highlighting it. Maybe she is depressed and cannot motivate herself or concentrate properly as symptoms of that.

I think it is a bit unfair of you to say that you would never want to rely on others the way that your family relies on you - I felt this was a bit harsh and comes from you not really apppreciating how hard it can be to be chronically sick and need to ask for help. It's hard to be a carer BUT it's also hard to have to rely on others for that care.

I think communication has broken down in your family relationships and you need some outside help to get them going again.

Also, I think you seem down about the way you look and not having a job - these are things you can work on.

Try to talk to someone who is a little bit on the outside to talk through how you feel.

Scrapaholic

Being relatively new on here , I don't know your personal circumstances .You do sound unhappy and maybe feeling worse as you're ill . I don't know how old you are or your parents . Is there a possibility of you both having a good talk about your feelings ? Not just yours but theirs as well and maybe understanding how each of you feels . You say your mother shopped for you and brought the wrong products . Is there some reason you can't shop for your own things so that you can be sure your money isn't wasted on more expensive things? What do you want to do with your life ? Can you get any advice about a career you'd like ? I've found that most jobs that pay good salaries take time and effort to obtain . Wishing you good luck .

LisaB85

McKneff wrote: »

To be honest, youre coming over like a spoiled brat.

Its you who seems to be the problem. Sorry it its not what you want to hear but your post is all about me, me, me.

Your dad gives you £200 and you moan because you have to pick it up.

Your mum is forgetful, it may be part of her illness.

To call your family useless is terrible seeing as they are putting a roof over your head.
You need to read through your own post again, hopefully you will see what I mean.

I might aswell !!!!ing kill myself then as clearly I am as useless as my mother tells me I am. I don't do all the house work, sort her debts or finances, I didn't save her from eviction I must be imagining it.

I would rather not see my dad because I am busy I had a hospital appointment I had to cancel, he also subjected me to watching him stab my stepdad when I was 10!

LisaB85

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

Do some stables not sometimes provide accommodation or at least allow someone to stay in a caravan? Sounds like sleeping in with the horses would be less stress than in the house.

I'd love to and that is my aim, I need to learn to drive first so need a job to cover that then I'm gone.

LisaB85

Scrapaholic wrote: »

Being relatively new on here , I don't know your personal circumstances .You do sound unhappy and maybe feeling worse as you're ill . I don't know how old you are or your parents . Is there a possibility of you both having a good talk about your feelings ? Not just yours but theirs as well and maybe understanding how each of you feels . You say your mother shopped for you and brought the wrong products . Is there some reason you can't shop for your own things so that you can be sure your money isn't wasted on more expensive things? What do you want to do with your life ? Can you get any advice about a career you'd like ? I've found that most jobs that pay good salaries take time and effort to obtain . Wishing you good luck .

I only asked her to get my stuff as she was going to town and I wasn't same as if I was in town and she wasn't but needed something, it costs £6 bus fare so makes sense. I would walk to the local spar but everything is double the price there.

I have tried to talk to her and we went to mediation it was even noted by the woman there that my mum has a very hostile manner, I try to talk to her and she starts screaming at me and telling me it is my fault or that I'm being stupid.

I want to work with horses so I'm looking for a job to enable me to learn to drive then I will be looking for live in jobs but it seems a long process at the moment, I spent a year at college and it feels wasted. I have had interviews but min wage jobs don't bother to reply but the better jobs bring interviews but there is a lot of competition.

I feel like whatever I do or say is wrong, and I just want out. I bend over backwards to do what people want me to do and working to their schedule.