How to turn down a wedding invitation?

Mojisola

74jax wrote: »

At work today I was asked even though I'm not going could I let her know how much I'm donating to the honeymoon fund as they are looking at honeymoon options.

74jax wrote: »

She doesn't have many friends

And she won't be getting many new ones if she treats people like this!

*Louise*

74jax wrote: »

Just as a follow on to this, but I've kept it in the same thread so you can follow the tale......

At work today I was asked even though I'm not going could I let her know how much I'm donating to the honeymoon fund as they are looking at honeymoon options.

It's not for another 6 months and I totally understand how they need to plan their honeymoon etc, but I really don't know how much I would give. I've never been in the position of being asked either.

What would you say?

Wow.

How about:

'It's rude to ask what people are giving as gifts'

'It's supposed to be a surprise' (then give nothing!)

'Wow, you are so RUDE!'


Personally, I prefer the third response Seriously thought, don't give her anything - she doesn't deserve it and youre not even going anyway! (So even feeling guilty and giving enough to cover the cost of your meal can be ruled out)

Abbafan1972

I am actually gobsmacked at this thread! This woman has absolutely no manners whatsoever!

Definitely don't give anything to the fund and make it clear that you're not.

I like the idea of the etiquette book!

minerva_windsong

I don't mean this the wrong way, but is there an element of competition involved in this? Not necessarily on your part, but the way that she's all very 'ooh my flowers/cake/food cost this much' seems a bit like she's trying to outdo you somehow...

74jax wrote: »

I know many people who have asked for contributions to a honeymoon, and I have wondered how they know how much to plan the honeymoon for, I didn't realise you asked.....:eek:

They don't. They go with what they can afford from the contributions and make it up themselves if they want something more expensive. That's what my friends were going to do - as it was people were so generous that they could cover the cost of the holiday they wanted and even get some upgrades on the flight and hotel - and they certainly never planned the holiday based on the assumption that they would get a certain amount.

I personally would use the 'paying for my own holiday' excuse as a reason why you don't know how much you'll be able to give just yet.

teabythesea

My gosh, she needs a library on etiquette not just a book!

melancholly

since she's going to be offended no matter what you do, just be blunt. to complain that you didn't send her a card to say you weren't coming is just mad - even if she thought it, she shouldn't have said anything to people you know well, that's just stupid. you can do whatever you like because in her eyes, whatever you do will be wrong!

Brighton_belle

The only good thing about her latest comment is that it continues to make this thread a total must read,lol.

Unbelievable rudeness and self obsession. I hope you are not going to give any of your hard earned cash OP. The reward of marrying the man you love is enough...no one 'needs' pressies on top of this, although it is a lovely and traditional thing to give to those setting up home for the first time or indeed to give something to someone you are very close too because you want to.
I think she would have passed out with horror at our simple (but very happy) wedding and no honeymoon:rotfl:

ceebeeby

:dance:What about a peg bag as a wedding gift ....?:dance:

Or am I just seeing an oasis in a drought!:whistle:

74jax

minerva_windsong wrote: »

I don't mean this the wrong way, but is there an element of competition involved in this? Not necessarily on your part, but the way that she's all very 'ooh my flowers/cake/food cost this much' seems a bit like she's trying to outdo you somehow...

No it's not that, for one thing there's nothing to 'out-do' with me. We are polar opposites; I'm having a very very small wedding with only close friends and family. We're not into this inviting people you don't really get on with (nothing wrong with that for those who want to though - it's just not us). We aren't having a big ceremony or reception, just me and OH and a our nearest and dearest. When we get married we would have been together 8 years and tbh the fact I would be able to call myself his wife is just so god damn exciting I don't care about out else :j We aren't having a gift list, if people 'feel the need' we have suggested donations to the RNLI so it's not as though we are competing on a 'honeymoon level' either. oooo and our invites are word of mouth and email (god my wedding is sounding a so none-event in this, but honestly it's amazing to us two) so telling me how much her invites cost doesn't really matter either.

Brighton_belle wrote: »

The only good thing about her latest comment is that it continues to make this thread a total must read,lol.

I know, I thought you'd all like the latest update. :rotfl:

wanchai_2

74jax wrote: »

No it's not that, for one thing there's nothing to 'out-do' with me. We are polar opposites; I'm having a very very small wedding with only close friends and family. We're not into this inviting people you don't really get on with (nothing wrong with that for those who want to though - it's just not us). We aren't having a big ceremony or reception, just me and OH and a our nearest and dearest. When we get married we would have been together 8 years and tbh the fact I would be able to call myself his wife is just so god damn exciting I don't care about out else :j We aren't having a gift list, if people 'feel the need' we have suggested donations to the RNLI so it's not as though we are competing on a 'honeymoon level' either. oooo and our invites are word of mouth and email (god my wedding is sounding a so none-event in this, but honestly it's amazing to us two) so telling me how much her invites cost doesn't really matter either.



I know, I thought you'd all like the latest update. :rotfl:

Same here! Our wedding is about the two of us and is going to be one of the least showy weddings ever - says she who is about to spend £1,300 on a dress lol! But the wedding will be intimate and quirky and LOVELY to us.

Your colleague just sounds like a wannabe show-off keep-up-with-the-Joneses type who will *never* be happy!