How to turn down a wedding invitation?

74jax

I work in a small office with 4 other people.

1 girl is getting married in June next year and has said she is inviting us all to her wedding. We were all quite shocked as we only see her at work, she doesn't socialise with us or contact us outside of work. To be a wedding is something you share with family and close friends.

She is having a very expensive wedding and has been quite stressed and upset about it from the very beginning. So I'm wanting to tread carefully.

She doesn't have many friends and as the deal she has is a package for x amount of people I 'think' I'm invited to make up the numbers.

I've been off work sick for 8 weeks, and during this time haven't heard from her and wouldn't expect too. However this makes it all the more strange to receive an invite from her.

The wedding is 1.5hours away and on a Wednesday, however the other girls in the office have said that they have mentioned it is too far for them and her reply was to snap back saying 'if you really wanted to come you'd make the effort'.

How can I turn down the invite without causing her upset?

She has organised her hen weekend in a cottage over a weekend and it worked out at around £150 per person. One of her friends said she could only come for one night and would she still have to pay the £150 or could it be reduced, and she told her he if she couldn't find a way to pay for the weekend then she wasn't the friend she thought she was.

When I go back to work, I'm going to have to work in the same office as her and don't want any bad feeling, I really don't want her to be upset but know she will take it personally. What can I say?

Plus my contact runs out in March and so I won't see her from March until her wedding June and I just feel really awkward about it.

Mallotum_X

Sounds like shes a bit crazy.

If you wont be working there in June and you find it hard to simply say no then make something up as a reason you cant go. A prearranged holiday or another family wedding perhaps.

74jax

Mallotum_X wrote: »

Sounds like shes a bit crazy.

If you wont be working there in June and you find it hard to simply say no then make something up as a reason you cant go. A prearranged holiday or another family wedding perhaps.

Shes not really crazy, just very very pre-occupied with the wedding and I think she just wants everyone else to be also.

She has chosen, what looks like, a lovely venue but it is too far and too expensive to stay overnight. Plus I don't really want to go. I can imagine it to be 'this cost this amount and this cost this' we have had to sit in the office and listen for the past year about her wedding and I seriously know how much everything was down to the penny.

And as much as I like her in the office, I don't think I can be the guest she wants me to be ooooing and arhhhing at everything.

If I say it's too far, too expensive or on a Wednesday and can't make it, then I can just imagine the atmosphere at work. One of the other girls does have a holiday already booked, the other has a yound child so can't go, which leave me as the last one to say I can't go either and I feel really bad.

becca0417

I would definitely go with the 'prebooked holiday' or family ocassion. It sounds as though you would really struggle to go. Is she sending the invites out before March?
Hope you find a way around it.

74jax

Yes she sent them out this week and would like to know by end of January.

It is during the school half term in June, so thought I'd use that. Although I did hear her say that she had invited someone who was teacher and from what I could gather they had said they couldn't go and she said 'well that's one less Christmas card to write' eeeeeek

sugarwalsh

Ooh, this is difficult. I would probably go, just to have a nosey! Sometimes we perceive things are going to be terrible and then they turn out really great. Is there no where else you can stay - a travellodge near by or something on a deal?

Who cares if you are making up numbers - cease the opportunity, you never know what might happen. Did you watch the Derren brown proramme about luck? Sometimes all it takes is a small change to our daily lives and suddenly we become 'lucky'. You never know, you might meet some amazing people and have the time of your life.

Megan

becca0417

She does sound a little obsessed by the wedding to be honest. If you don't want to go, don't. I would definitely use half term, plus it's Jubilee weekend so will you have plans for that?

sugarwalsh

Lots of brides are obsessed! She does sound a little bit crazy, but some people can get a bit that way when they feel they are being let down or under stress. If she is always like that then avoid it, but if she is perhaps just under pressure and you know she can be lovely the rest of the time try and make the effort?
MEgan

74jax

sugarwalsh wrote: »

Ooh, this is difficult. I would probably go, just to have a nosey! Sometimes we perceive things are going to be terrible and then they turn out really great. Is there no where else you can stay - a travellodge near by or something on a deal?

Who cares if you are making up numbers - cease the opportunity, you never know what might happen. Did you watch the Derren brown proramme about luck? Sometimes all it takes is a small change to our daily lives and suddenly we become 'lucky'. You never know, you might meet some amazing people and have the time of your life.

Megan

I wouldn't really to pay for a travelodge, I know you can get cheap deals, but I would then to put my 2 dogs in kennels, have someone have DD for a night and (hopefully) i'll be in a new job then and it would mean a day off work.

That said, I would 100% do the above for a friend getting married. We are only colleagues - I don't mean that to sound bad, but we don't socialise whatsoever. I feel very awkward at going to such an expensive 'do' and really feel I shouldn't be there, but want to let her down gently.

74jax

sugarwalsh wrote: »

Lots of brides are obsessed! She does sound a little bit crazy, but some people can get a bit that way when they feel they are being let down or under stress. If she is always like that then avoid it, but if she is perhaps just under pressure and you know she can be lovely the rest of the time try and make the effort?
MEgan

I don't know what she like other than at work. myself and the other 3 girls go out maybe once a month for a meal but we stopped asking her when she said something along the lines of 'I appreciate you asking me but we're work colleagues, not friends, so please don't keep asking me to come out'.

Jewelleryfan

74jax wrote: »

I don't know what she like other than at work. myself and the other 3 girls go out maybe once a month for a meal but we stopped asking her when she said something along the lines of 'I appreciate you asking me but we're work colleagues, not friends, so please don't keep asking me to come out'.

Oh dear :eek:

I wouldnt go if she spoke to me like this and I'd probably tell her I'm not coming cause we are work colleagues not friends :rotfl: