Another Christmas with the family 'problem'!!

January20

Person_one wrote: »

You're the only one who seems to think its about 'material things', I've no idea where you got that impression.

You're wrong here. I agree with poet. Go and speak to children and ask them why they like Christmas. They won't tell you it's because they like to spend time with their family and friends, they will tell you it's because of the presents they get (whether they believe in Santa or not).

Go and have a walk into any shopping centre, any town centre and see if it's not about materialist things.

I thing the OP has a good opportunity to do 2 things: The first one is to show her child that because an accident happens once in one specific place, it's not likely to happen again, and the second thing is that once you make plans with people, you don't change them on a whim. The Op has a chance to teach her child to think about others and be more selfless. Lessons that will be very useful in life.

CH27

I think that as the arrangments have already been made you need to stick to them.
Explain it to your son who at 8 should be able to understand.

I do think it will be better to travel xmas eve as it will given him maximum time with his presents on xmas day.

POPPYOSCAR

January20 wrote: »

You're wrong here. I agree with poet. Go and speak to children and ask them why they like Christmas. They won't tell you it's because they like to spend time with their family and friends, they will tell you it's because of the presents they get (whether they believe in Santa or not).

Go and have a walk into any shopping centre, any town centre and see if it's not about materialist things.

I thing the OP has a good opportunity to do 2 things: The first one is to show her child that because an accident happens once in one specific place, it's not likely to happen again, and the second thing is that once you make plans with people, you don't change them on a whim. The Op has a chance to teach her child to think about others and be more selfless. Lessons that will be very useful in life.

I have to disagree with you.

I do not think it is just all about the presents. It is the whole package.
One of our traditions is spending almost a whole day going out as family to choose our Christmas Tree. They love the smell in the car driving home and then love to decorate it. They also love their Christmas meal and still delight in getting the party poppers hanging from the decorations and in their dad's dinner! If you ask them about Christmas these are the things they will talk about.

Of course the presents are important to them, they were to me as a child as well,(not any more though) but there are many other aspects to Christmas that I remember over and above the presents and I think my children are the same.

victory

Parts of our xmas that we love is baking, gingerbread men oh the smell is lovely and the little one loves it so much he keeps asking when the day is coming, he loves the dinner and the pigs in blankets, knowing he is happy and safe and with his family, he loves going to charity shops and seeing if he can buy something to make/alter/improve and spends ages making paper chains, xmas paper decorations, signs for santa all that is great fun for kids, we are off to a xmas market and he can't wait:D

January20

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

I have to disagree with you.

I do not think it is just all about the presents. It is the whole package.
One of our traditions is spending almost a whole day going out as family to choose our Christmas Tree. They love the smell in the car driving home and then love to decorate it. They also love their Christmas meal and still delight in getting the party poppers hanging from the decorations and in their dad's dinner! If you ask them about Christmas these are the things they will talk about.

Of course the presents are important to them, they were to me as a child as well,(not any more though) but there are many other aspects to Christmas that I remember over and above the presents and I think my children are the same.

But have you thought that perhaps it's because you have taught your children well? Just as perhaps your parents taught you to like Christmas for other reasons that the presents?

the Op has a choice. She can pander to her child's whim and cancel all her arrangements, teaching him that he doesn't have to care about other people's feelings, that Christmas is all about him and what he wants. Or she can talk to him, reassure him and tell him that as arrangements have been made it would be wrong to change them as other people will be affected, and their feelings probably hurt.

7roland8

What do you think should have happened? Should the boy have been consulted before speaking to granny? And then granny be told "sorry we won't be coming because little Johnny doesn't want to"?

Depends why the arragements are different this yr as they were at home for the last five - so that is really all the son knows and expects - and therefore assoxiates that with Cristmas and not being in someone elses house.
Definitley think he should have been kept informed as plans changed - if its through a major illness etc that is different.
Christmas is the whole package - tree, preparations etc. We start from beginning of Dec and son loves to make a choc cake himself (he's 21 now!) and still has a tiny gift put in a little stocking on the tree that he made in primary school - its such little things that make Christmas - whatever they are. We love the decorating and build up - not just buying. I think its nuts to spend Christmas frantically driving back and forth from place to place. I have a get-together with sister and nieces/grt nieces after Christmas these days - and its like a second Christmas. Mum-in-law usually visits before Xmas but hubby will usually go to see her Xmas morning (she has other daughter with her so not alone).

spendingmad

OK - I'm back! and thank you for all the responses, I did not expect things to get so heated!!!!

To clarify some points

Both my mum and dad are many years remarried to 'new' partners and are fairly young (pre-retirement) so hopefully have plenty of christmases left!

They live approx 30mins away from each other in the same town. Dad has 12 people (including my Grandparents/uncles/brother etc) to lunch at christmas day

We will be sleeping at Dads xmas night.

In the 5 years since accident christmas's have been spent either at home xmas eve and travel xmas day, everyone at mine (20 people for dinner & sleeping over :eek:) or once at my dads.

After further discussion last night with DS he spoke of the following reasons.
- he likes our christmas eve routine at home (we go to a lovely nativity service at nearby church - really special time, followed by a drive round looking at the christmas lights, party tea, bath and new xmas pj's)
- he doesnt sleep well at grandmas and doesnt want to be tired on christmas day.
- grandma doesnt let him open presents, makes him stop and pose for photos - I have got to admit it does take the shine and excitment out of it, and really irritates me aswell (i go for more 'action' shots)

I was thinking of putting together a xmas eve hamper for the kids and trying to do something special like the panto etc if we spend xmas eve at grandmas.

He is not spoilt and appreciates spending time with the family - when talking about stopping st home just the 4 of us he said he did want to go and see everyone and it wouldnt be christmas without lots of people!

I think I will talk to my mum in a non-commital way and see what response I get!

CH27

Could you go to a Nativity service near your mum's & look at the christmas lights there?

spendingmad

CH27 wrote: »

Could you go to a Nativity service near your mum's & look at the christmas lights there?

Yes we could but the church we go to here has special significance, and my son understands and appreicates the poignancy of the visit. (something unrelated to wider family but which has had an effect on our 'core' family unit and him in particular)

No one item alone is a 'deal breaker' as such but when looked at as a collective, I do understand his point and in an ideal world I would prefer to stay at home xmas eve - I just need a couple of etc hours on xmas day (prehaps we could hire a helicopter to travel in xmas morning!),

I feel for my mum and hate her feeling left out (she has a way of making me feel guilty) perhaps it's me with the relationship problem!

Stephb1986_2

So this would be the first time he has to stay at his nans in 5 years? It's not something you make him do every year, maybe ask your mum to put the camera away for this year. It seems that if you don't go on xmas eve you will be leaving her out which I don't think is very fair she is probably looking forward to it. Maybe you could tell him that he's not going to have to do it again until he's 13. But letting him have his own way is unfair on you for not getting to spend time with your mum and unfair on your mum too as she is probably looking forward to it and if you do let him have his own way he will think he can do what he wants when he wants.

This year I'm going away for christmas so there is non of this you have to go here there and everywhere it seems so much simpler!

I hope that you have a lovely christmas what ever you do.