Another Christmas with the family 'problem'!!

thatgirlsam

poet123 wrote: »

But who could be either helped to, or pandered to, reassured and calmed, or given into. Which really is best for their emotional well being long term?

'Giving into' - I wouldn't call it that

You make it seem like some sort of battle

Its not a sign of weakness or anything to change a plan or change your mind about something - Unless plans are set in stone is there no scope for flexibilty in any of your decisions?

thatgirlsam

Stephb1986 wrote: »

I think your forgetting that the OP has another child and so far the other one hasn't said that they don't want to go either it sounds to me as if this child is being spoilt and should be told that arrangements have been made tough tit.

Why should the OP get to spend less time with her family because her child wants to act up?? one way or another he is going to get his presents whether he wakes up in his own bed or one at his nans house it makes no difference apart from being pandered to. He needs to grow up he's 8 years old, my niece is 7 years old she knows that santa doesn't really exist.

He is still going to have to drive a 2 hour journey to go for christmas dinner that is even less time with his toys, what if he decides he doesn't want christmas dinner either are you just going to let a 8yo child dictate to you what you are and aren't doing. Some parents really are on quiet life tablets I tell you!

Thats sad :(

Stephb1986_2

thatgirlsam wrote: »

Thats sad :(

It might be sad but it's also reality, I don't see why people give in to kids all the time. Yes christmas might be about kids but it's also about family and funnily enough the OP's mum is family. The boy gets to sleep in his bed 364 days of the year otherwise will one night really pain him that much?? I don't think so.

thatgirlsam

Stephb1986 wrote: »

It might be sad but it's also reality, I don't see why people give in to kids all the time. Yes christmas might be about kids but it's also about family and funnily enough the OP's mum is family. The boy gets to sleep in his bed 364 days of the year otherwise will one night really pain him that much?? I don't think so.

You don't have to give in to kids all the time

You also don't have to have it your own way all the time

You are sounding as spoilt as you say this child is!

Stephb1986_2

thatgirlsam wrote: »

You don't have to give in to kids all the time

You also don't have to have it your own way all the time

You are sounding as spoilt as you say this child is!

Thats why I don't have kids. I just don't get why the boy has a problem this year? What happened in the last 5 christmases since the accident?? did he not go to nans then??? Also it would make more sense timewise if he did stay at his nans so he wouldn't have a boring 2 hour drive away from his presents. Why should the OP go without seeing her mum just because her son wants to be selfish when he sleeps in his bed 364 nights a year???

I truly don't understand

poet123

thatgirlsam wrote: »

'Giving into' - I wouldn't call it that

You make it seem like some sort of battle

Its not a sign of weakness or anything to change a plan or change your mind about something - Unless plans are set in stone is there no scope for flexibilty in any of your decisions?

If a child cries, you reassure them, you calm them down, you do not re inforce their belief by changing your plans because of their tears. It is not a battle, but an exercise in parenting.

In this case the child supposedly associates xmas eve with an accident, so doesn't want to stay over on that night, is that a good association to allow to grow, fester, bolster? If you give in and change your plans you are validating his fears.

However, I suspect that really the OP is not convinced that this is the real reason, and that really he just can't be bothered with the xmas ritual and would rather (probably like most of us) stay home. Life isnt like that though is it? We all have to do things we would rather not do to make others happy, and life lessons are an important part of parenting. If he is accommodated and reassured, and his toys arrive then I really do think that having made an arrangement it should be adhered to. Next year perhaps a re think may be in order.

I disagree that changing plans which affect others because of the whim of a child is not a sign of weakness. It is a slippery slope and often we don't realise we are on it!!

Bumpmakesfour

Who the hell is the adult here?
"giving in to", "pandering to"..seriously??What's with the power trip?
It's bloomin christmas day.THE most important day in a childs year.So bloody what if they "get to wake up in their own bed 364 days of the year".
It makes me truly sad that someone could have that attitude towards a child:(

Stephb1986_2

I don't particularly want to go and see my mother in law but I know I have to, there are many people who I don't want to see but I have to. It's called give and take, so far it seem that with kids it's all taking and from them there is no giving. We're talking one day out of a year there is no big deal that he has to sleep somewhere else.

Bumpmakesfour

Stephb1986 wrote: »

He needs to grow up he's 8 years old, my niece is 7 years old she knows that santa doesn't really exist.

WOW..just wow.Needs to GROW UP?At 8?That is possibly one of the saddest things I've read.I am so glad,with that attitude,that you do not have kids.:eek:

Stephb1986_2

Bumpmakesfour wrote: »

WOW..just wow.Needs to GROW UP?At 8?That is possibly one of the saddest things I've read.I am so glad,with that attitude,that you do not have kids.:eek:

I am glad I don't have kids I don't like them they should be seen and not heard.