Another Christmas with the family 'problem'!!

spendingmad

Evening All,

Just want some views and opinions on my family christmas problem.

I had thought we were all sorted and everyone was reasonably happy with the arrangements of

Travel to home town on Christmas Eve
Sleepover to Mums house and spend Christams morning with her
Travel to Dad (close by) and have xmas dinner/night with them
Drive home Boxing Day

Mum not particularly happy but its the best I could do (large family on dads side means it is easier to have xmas dinner there and see all that side of the family in one go)

Anyway I was just writing the letters to Santa with my 2 children (8 and 5yos) and at the end of the letter wrote 'dont forget we will be sleeping to Grandma's on Christmas Eve'.

My 8 year old then broke down in tears saying he wants to sleep at home and doesnt want to stop at Grandmas, on trying to establish why he stated it is because he had an accident last time we stopped christmas eve there (5years ago, which resulted in a visit to A&E) further conversation lead to I just want to stay here, and that he would be more relaxed/comfortable here (at home).

I now don't know what to do, if we stay at home we face a two hour journey on christmas day to visit Dad (DS has not got a problem with sleeping over christmas day night) and upsetting Mum further because we will only have limited time with her. Or upset DS by making him send xmas eve at grandmas.

I can understand why he wants to be at home (he still believes;)) but we have stopped at parents in the past and it has been just as magical, and he has longer time playing with his presents if we are at parents.

I hate the fact that every Christmas I feel like I am upsetting someone. So who should I upset this year, Mother (who will be understandably upset) or 8year old son (whose problem I can't quite understand)?

harrys_nan

Hi,
Could you fetch your mum to stay at your house for christmas eve (or her to travel to yours) That way everyone is happy, son is in his own house mum has more time with you and your family and get to see children opening their presents.

meritaten

your 8 year old remembers an accident at grandmas when he was three? must have been pretty serious! or was it? Is he just scared Santa wont find him at grandmas? or he thinks he will miss something if not at home?
Tough one - but, on the whole I think that as the arrangements have been made I would go. But, lots of reassurance to your child - I suspect that the accident is an excuse and the real reason is something different!

Sezzagirl

Can you arrange for Santa to send your 8yr old a letter - in the post, always makes them feel extra special although I find the reindeer always leave hoofprints on the envelopes?:D

The letter could say that Santa knows where you will be on Christmas Eve and that Grandma will be super happy to have you all there. Maybe Santa could allocate a special elf - an elf and safety elf! - who will be watching out for you all and making sure you are all well and have an amazing time:rotfl:

Also, explain all the times to him. He is probably old enough to understand why you need to be at certain places at certain times:A

I hope it all works out for you

victory

Bring mum to you and drop her back home and then go on to your dads for the evening:D

thorsoak

Could your mum manage to get to your house on Christmas Eve, and stay with you overnight, so that you, your family and mum could enjoy Christmas morning together at your house, then you take her back home on Christmas day, before you go on to your dad's house for Christmas dinner etc??

Stephb1986_2

I might get flamed for this but when I was a kid I did as I was told. What ever happened to that??

You've made the arrangements stick to them.

Steph

ALI1973

We used to do the same as you and travel 3 hours to DH's moms on Xmas Eve and would stay about a week,this continued this after the littlies were born (fortunately my parents were ok with it), however, it was horrendous, the children never slept properly (neither did I) and they were upset when we had to pack up all their toys to bring home and inevitably bits would be lost.

Then it occurred to me that my parents nor DH's parents ever made us go anywhere at xmas, so I got brave and told DH that the children and I would not be staying over at christmas again, however, I was happy for his parents to come to us. Anyway, they did not want to come to us as it "wouldn't be the same in someone elses home" - so we agreed on a visit sometime in December and since then we have had wonderful Christmases at home, the kids are happy, we are happy and we both feel very relaxed. The added advantage is that as the kids got older they like to play with their friends too, they couldn't do this at Grandmas.

So I say, stay at home, start your family traditions and invite them to join you .

looby75

Sezzagirl wrote: »

Can you arrange for Santa to send your 8yr old a letter - in the post, always makes them feel extra special although I find the reindeer always leave hoofprints on the envelopes?:D

The letter could say that Santa knows where you will be on Christmas Eve and that Grandma will be super happy to have you all there. Maybe Santa could allocate a special elf - an elf and safety elf! - who will be watching out for you all and making sure you are all well and have an amazing time:rotfl:

Also, explain all the times to him. He is probably old enough to understand why you need to be at certain places at certain times:A

I hope it all works out for you

I think thats a brilliant idea! (welcome to MSE btw)

I was just about to suggest the letter from santa thing reasuring him that he won't be forgotten and then take it from there. You have 4 (:eek: is that all) weeks to get him used to the idea, I wouldn't make any firm decisions about not going to your mums for Christmas eve right now.

Also it might be worth poinitng out to him that if you have to travel to Grandads on Christmas morning thats time he'll be stuck in the car and not being able to play with all the lovely new toys santa brings him.

JC9297

I think you should stick with your plans rather than change everything just because your son doen't want to do something. You need to tell him firmly but reassuringly that you are going to Grandma's on Christmas eve and that he has nothing to worry about. Perhaps you can talk about what you will be doing when you get there, maybe take a new dvd for them to watch or something else special. Try not to talk about it too much until just before Christmas and don't let him keep on asking to stay at home, let him know it's not an option.

Nicki

I've usually found that the traffic at any time on Christmas Eve is just vile, and that the traffic on Christmas Day is usually very light. So for a 2 hour journey, I might be inclined to get up early on Christmas Day (let's face it with a kid who still believes that's going to happen anyway!) and be on your way to Mum by 8.30. So you'd get to mum by 10/10.30 ish, spend the morning with her, late lunch and evening with your dad, and back to mum for the night.

I'm also having family problems with Christmas if it helps. Have inlaws from Christmas Day to 27 December, then my family in Ireland are expecting a visit. Baby is now 2 so needs his own seat, and 5 flights leaving on 27th back on 31st are coming in at £1,200. But I am deep in the poop with my family because I am not staying until New Years Day, which would take my total spend on flights to well over £2000. And they are all in bed by 10 on New Years Eve anyway and live in the sticks, so not like we are missing some big family do by leaving early :mad: I now take the view that at Christmas you have to do what is best by your own partner and kids and the best you can after that by the extended one.