Another Christmas with the family 'problem'!!

jellyhead

poet123 wrote: »

If a child cries, you reassure them, you calm them down, you do not re inforce their belief by changing your plans because of their tears. It is not a battle, but an exercise in parenting.

This is a good point. It seems that the accident was just his excuse for wanting to be at home though.

jellyhead

January20 wrote: »

You're wrong here. I agree with poet. Go and speak to children and ask them why they like Christmas. They won't tell you it's because they like to spend time with their family and friends, they will tell you it's because of the presents they get (whether they believe in Santa or not).

I disagree. My 6 year old likes present, I'll admit, but if you asked him what he likes about christmas he would say leaving out the carrot and mince pie, scattering reindeer food, the walk around a local village to look at their displays, cream and marshmallows on top of hot chocolate, the nativity play and cuddling a reindeer.

Both children would say they really enjoy being part of a larger family group to play top trumps and board games.

Youngest was ridiculously excited about my 40th birthday last week and came into my room hours too early bringing my presents. He wanted a bite of my chocolate, yes, but none of those presents were for him. He just likes special occasions.

spendingmad

LegalBlonde wrote: »

How far away from you is this?? Sorry if you have already answered, there were lots of responses to read through

about 2 hours (1.5 hours on good journey) away from me then 30mins across town to each other

spendingmad

7roland8 wrote: »

Actually if I was granny I'd rather the grandkids happy and where they wanted to be.

Also not my business but where are other grandparents in all this - if still around?

No other grandparents around unfortunately.

LittleMissAspie

Stephb1986 wrote: »

I might get flamed for this but when I was a kid I did as I was told. What ever happened to that??

You've made the arrangements stick to them.

I agree, my mum wouldn't even have asked me why I didn't want to go, she'd have said "don't be ridiculous" and that would have been the end of it.

As a result I don't have much sympathy for her current mental health problems though. I'd rather like to tell her to stop being ridiculous and just get on with it (common words from her when I was growing up), but then I would feel mean.

balletshoes

LittleMissAspie wrote: »

I agree, my mum wouldn't even have asked me why I didn't want to go, she'd have said "don't be ridiculous" and that would have been the end of it.

As a result I don't have much sympathy for her current mental health problems though. I'd rather like to tell her to stop being ridiculous and just get on with it (common words from her when I was growing up), but then I would feel mean.

but thats not what has happened with the OP and her son. He's talked, she's listened. Even if they do end up driving to Gran's on Christmas Eve, the OP can go knowing she's listened to her child and they are both relatively okay with the arrangements that have been made, to minimise disruption and maximise time spent together for all concerned.

Now that the whole story has emerged, I can totally understand where the lad is coming from. But if arrangements have been made which can't be easily broken, then I'd be doing what I could (as is the OP) to make him feel better about it all.

I'm coming from the opposite side to the OP - I haven't had a Christmas at my house for 8 years, we drive nearly 400 miles each way, where the rest of my family are (my sister does the same, as she lives not far from me). Its never occurred to me to do anything else, my DD doesn't know anything else, and has never asked to stay home for Christmas. It wouldn't be the same if I wasn't around my mum and the rest of my family on Christmas day. However, we don't stay at my mum's house anymore (we used to) - but it wasn't ideal and no-one got a great sleep.

spendingmad

balletshoes wrote: »

but thats not what has happened with the OP and her son. He's talked, she's listened. Even if they do end up driving to Gran's on Christmas Eve, the OP can go knowing she's listened to her child and they are both relatively okay with the arrangements that have been made, to minimise disruption and maximise time spent together for all concerned.

Now that the whole story has emerged, I can totally understand where the lad is coming from. But if arrangements have been made which can't be easily broken, then I'd be doing what I could (as is the OP) to make him feel better about it all.

I'm coming from the opposite side to the OP - I haven't had a Christmas at my house for 8 years, we drive nearly 400 miles each way, where the rest of my family are (my sister does the same, as she lives not far from me). Its never occurred to me to do anything else, my DD doesn't know anything else, and has never asked to stay home for Christmas. It wouldn't be the same if I wasn't around my mum and the rest of my family on Christmas day. However, we don't stay at my mum's house anymore (we used to) - but it wasn't ideal and no-one got a great sleep.

Can I ask where you sleep -as that is part of the problem for me?

Myself and DH in a 3/4 bed against a wall. DS in a bedroom which is always FREEZING (above garage) and DD either on floor in freezing room/on floor in boxroom come study or on the floor in our room. Either way rubbish night sleep for all of us.

I am going to ring a couple of hotels for prices :eek:

balletshoes

we used to stay in travelodges/premier inns close to my mum's town.
Now we swap with my brother - he stays at mum's with my niece (she's little and they both have their own beds there anyway in the spare room) and we stay at his flat.

mummyoftwomonkeys

My 4 year old always moans when we go to visit Granddad because he will miss the cat but its tough he does as hes told. When he is there and Granddad takes him to the sweet shop he is fine.

pinkclouds

spendingmad wrote: »

After further discussion last night with DS he spoke of the following reasons.
- he likes our christmas eve routine at home (we go to a lovely nativity service at nearby church - really special time, followed by a drive round looking at the christmas lights, party tea, bath and new xmas pj's)
- he doesnt sleep well at grandmas and doesnt want to be tired on christmas day.
- grandma doesnt let him open presents, makes him stop and pose for photos - I have got to admit it does take the shine and excitment out of it, and really irritates me aswell (i go for more 'action' shots)

These sound like perfectly valid reasons to me (although my kids are a lot younger and good sleep is a particularly valuable luxury commodity these days). I'd invite grandma and step-granddad over instead of travelling to them - unless they are expecting other family visitors, in which case it's not like they'd be on their own. Alternatively, turn Skype on in the morning - she can still see the action and she can't stop him from playing with his new toys! Your Christmas Eve routine sounds lovely.