Another Christmas with the family 'problem'!!

spendingmad

Stephb1986 wrote: »

So this would be the first time he has to stay at his nans in 5 years? It's not something you make him do every year, maybe ask your mum to put the camera away for this year. It seems that if you don't go on xmas eve you will be leaving her out which I don't think is very fair she is probably looking forward to it. Maybe you could tell him that he's not going to have to do it again until he's 13. But letting him have his own way is unfair on you for not getting to spend time with your mum and unfair on your mum too as she is probably looking forward to it and if you do let him have his own way he will think he can do what he wants when he wants.

This year I'm going away for christmas so there is non of this you have to go here there and everywhere it seems so much simpler!

I hope that you have a lovely christmas what ever you do.

Yes - he has stayed on other occasions, but this is the first christmas eve in 5 years. I am thinking of nominating DH as offical photographer and removing the batteries from my mums camera:D

If he does 'get his own way' he will in no way think he can get wants when he wants as most of the time he has no choice - we are fairly firm with both the kids.

zorro10

wow, sounds like a problem..

onlyroz

About the camera - do you have a camcorder? Because all you'd have to do is set it up in the corner on a tripod, make sure it's got a good view of the whole room, and let the kids get on with the opening.

7roland8

Actually if I was granny I'd rather the grandkids happy and where they wanted to be.

Also not my business but where are other grandparents in all this - if still around?

I figure you have Christmas with your parents when a child - then when you set up home its your turn to do Christmas with your kids - once they have their own family then you should not feel you have a right to be part of it and take a back seat - its the circle of life - let them get on with it. I always tell my boys their not expected here.

ps - I figure grown ups should be adult enough to cope (if on their own) and not put expectations on other family members (by making them feel guilty etc).

POPPYOSCAR

7roland8 wrote: »

Actually if I was granny I'd rather the grandkids happy and where they wanted to be.

Also not my business but where are other grandparents in all this - if still around?

I figure you have Christmas with your parents when a child - then when you set up home its your turn to do Christmas with your kids - once they have their own family then you should not feel you have a right to be part of it and take a back seat - its the circle of life - let them get on with it. I always tell my boys their not expected here.

I agree. I would hate to think that one of my grandchildren was wishing they were at home at Christmas time.

Person_one

January20 wrote: »

You're wrong here. I agree with poet. Go and speak to children and ask them why they like Christmas. They won't tell you it's because they like to spend time with their family and friends, they will tell you it's because of the presents they get (whether they believe in Santa or not).

Go and have a walk into any shopping centre, any town centre and see if it's not about materialist things.

As well as disagreeing with you generally (from the age of about 6 or 7 the thing I liked most about Christmas was giving, not receiving, I used to start making godawful glitter covered monstrosities for the family in October half term and I'm pretty sure I'm not unique) the point I was making was that the specific child in the OP hasn't said his reasons are materialistic.

Poet has made an assumption and jumped to an uncharitable conclusion about him. He wants to wake up in his own bed, so do I generally, barring unexpectedly bumping into Eric Bana in Tesco.

Person_one

OP, with your update I think your son's worries are completely reasonable for an 8 year old and deserve to be considered, he sounds very articulate too!

I think you're a lovely mum for caring about his feelings like this and taking his concerns and opinions seriously.

POPPYOSCAR

[QUOTE=January20;48982927]But have you thought that perhaps it's because you have taught your children well? Just as perhaps your parents taught you to like Christmas for other reasons that the presents?

the Op has a choice. She can pander to her child's whim and cancel all her arrangements, teaching him that he doesn't have to care about other people's feelings, that Christmas is all about him and what he wants. Or she can talk to him, reassure him and tell him that as arrangements have been made it would be wrong to change them as other people will be affected, and their feelings probably hurt.[/QUOTE]


I do not think I am alone in how I have made Christmas for my children.I watch my granddaughter light up at the sight of Father Christmas and Rudolph and I do not think it has anything to do with getting presents. She does not have that kind of excitement when it is her birthday. It is the magic of Christmas itself.

When you see the little ones lining up to visit Father Christmas in his grotto it is not for the 'present' which very often is naff anyway. Again it is for the magic of it all.

For me Christmas is all about the children.

LegalBlonde

spendingmad wrote: »

They live approx 30mins away from each other in the same town. Dad has 12 people (including my Grandparents/uncles/brother etc) to lunch at christmas day

How far away from you is this?? Sorry if you have already answered, there were lots of responses to read through

jellyhead

spendingmad wrote: »

- he likes our christmas eve routine at home (we go to a lovely nativity service at nearby church - really special time, followed by a drive round looking at the christmas lights, party tea, bath and new xmas pj's)

Could you still do all of that, then start the drive afterwards? the children could hold their stockings in the car, then as they are already in pyjamas they would just be carried to bed and stockings placed on the bottom on the bed.

We've done that before now, with soft blankets in the back of the car, teddy bears and pillows.

Must admit I feel for him - both of my kids are touchy about their routines.

If you carry on with your original plan I think your OH should be the designated photographer, and your son should be reassured that next year he will have christmas at home.