MG - The Matrix Re-wired

Ellidee

MG sorry if I'm missing something BUT could you borrow a camera just for today ?

Lara44

Morning All

Well I am having the best day ever, no work to do! Well apart from one pesky meeting at 3pm. Otherwise I have just got chores, some pottering, post the Christmas cards etc. Plus one of my favourite things which is making my BIL some mix CDs for his Christmas present. Might try to make some pencil cases for my niece and nephew too. See what happens.

Yippppeeeeeee!!! It's the simple things in life :j

Willow78_2

Crickett, you sound very positive and calm, hope you get the outcome you want.
Marru, good luck for the exam. Hope you're feeling much better.
MG good luck with finding the camera.

Just getting ready to attend a funeral. A dear friend lost her 23 year old son, so sad.

This afternoon will consist of writing christmas cards and listing the final bits needed to add to Christmas gifts.

Hope everyone is having a good day so far x

MrsMoo2U

Crickett..... I hope that your meeting with the solicitor went well and that you are ok.

Willow, so sorry to hear that news about your friend.

MG. I agree the Samsung camera looks good but as Ellidee says can you borrow one today? Gives you more time to research then.

Ellidee

Just saw this on FB and want to share http://www.marcandangel.com/2011/12/11/30-things-to-stop-doing-to-yourself/

Memory_Girl

Just stopping for a coffee mid-clean.

Got the framer downstairs to take the photos - just need to get ready for Friday now.

And she is of again

MG

rtandon27

Gemmzie wrote: »

My email link to the other side isn't working, can someone PM me the address again please

me too please - have been trying to onto the other side for two days but it won't let me play!:o

Marru

That is it, no more exams for 6 months, phew! I don't know if I wrote enough today. I will find out in February. There were no actual theories that I missed out on but I had way too much time left in the end so I got a bit worried that my answers are a bit thin. Never mind.

Ok dilemma:

I have court order to make DD available every other Saturday for five hours for ex to be with her.

This Saturday he wanted to take her for longer, take her to panto and dinner and bring back to my house instead of contact centre. I said I will think about it. He then went and booked the tickets before I had agreed. Because of his attitude and bullying tactics I have now said that I am not letting him to take her to panto and instead stick with the original agreement.

He now is saying that he will show the tickets to DD and get back to me through his solicitor in next hearing. I am saying that if he is making that kind of threat, I can't let him see DD at all. And the reply was: "We will see"

I have never said anything bad about him to DD but it seems that he is putting blame about everything on me. I don't know if he went to see her play at school today or not, I will find out later. If he didn't I bet he will tell DD that it was my fault because he would have wanted to go on Tuesday but so did I (couldn't go today as I was in exam).

I am so fed up with this manipulation and bullying, here are my choises:

- Carry on letting him have DD according to the court order
- Stop him seeing DD completely until the next hearing which is in March
- Forward all the correspondense to my solicitor and seek advise

Answers on postcard please

Memory_Girl

If the court order specifies that it must be in a contact centre - then discussion over, he has his five hours there and no making side deals. Court has made the decision - you are abiding by it and hang the rest.

If not, how much longer will her going to a panto take? It would be a great treat for her but TBH (as an expert on kids at panto as I did about 20 years of them) she will probably be too tired / full of sweets / ice-cream/ run out of adrenaline after a matinee to even think about anything other than a MacD's. So panto plus MacD's drive through would be less than the five hours. Although I would prefer that he retuned her to he contact centre within the specified time (to stop him having a strop on your doorstep)

Being the biatch that I am however I would be getting everyone involved in the case aware that the "normal" access had been varied "on this occasion only and for a special event such as Christmas" - after all he is not getting her on Christmas Day is he? That way - yet again you come out of this as the mum who wants the best for her DS.

But if he can't grow up about it all - then contact centre it is (as court has directed) - after all you can't just say no to his access if he is being a prat,but you can make him adhere to the court directions. If you say no - then he has got a valid complaint hasn't he and you want o be as reasonable as possible until he goes away.

Everything else is just hot air and "dummy out of pram time" - isn't it? After all he should be regarding access as a privilege and not a right.

Ooooops - I will get off my soap box now

MG

MrsMoo2U

cross posted but what she said ^ and it wont let me thank. Now this was my version of ^

Oh dear Marru, this is so difficult for you. If it were me I would be reluctant to stop her from seeing him as per the court order because you would actually be playing into his hands by helping your DD to believe that you are the one at fault.Also might that create problems for you when you go to court in March as you are not complying with the order. Children dont understand about court orders and if he explains it to her in a certain way then he is covering his back if accused of trying to turn her against you. All he has to say is that he explained the way the order works and that you were sticking to it. I also think that life is difficult and unfortunately court orders dont allow for every eventuality so the idea of him taking her to the pantomime doesnt fit with the five hour rule. I completely understand why you feel that you shouldn't be bullied but again but by not letting her go, you are playing into his hands also. Is it possible that you could allow the extra time for the pantomime on the understanding that he is flexible with you about another weekend when you might want to do something together?
Remember that at the heart of all this is your DD and she is the important one here. How will she feel if she thinks that you have stopped her from going to the pantomime? Never mind that he is using it to get to you it would probably hurt her more . He may be trying to manipulate you but if you are flexible and putting the wishes of your daughter first (even if she is not yet aware of the pantomime yet) then you are actually beating him at his own game. He will probably be more surprised when you say ok to his demands and he might then give up trying to "win" . How about you explain the rules of the court order to her and then explain that Daddy would like her to stay longer in order to go to the pantomime and dinner and ask if she would like that or would she prefer to just go to the pantomime and then come home?

It is tough but kids are wiser than you think. You dont have to say anything bad about her Dad you just need to explain things in simple terms. Dont be tempted to join in his game of name calling. Believe me when I say that as she gets older she will work it out for herself (I know - I was your DD at one point in my life.)