Reassure me I'm not being a heartless, witch, please!

sqeeky

Thank you, thank you.

I do feel guilty.

I feel angry, too. So angry, I imagine being violent when he paws at me. It scares me that I could think to do something so terrible when, as he says, he 'only wants cuddles'. But he makes my skin crawl.


I've got to stop him. I'll go mad if I let this carry on any longer. If I'm not mad already for having this urge to hit him again and again for grabbing at me, for all the times I've woken up to find him, well, you know, for having him scream and shout that I'm accusing him of abuse when I've said don't touch me again when I'm sleeping.

The same person who says my temper is evil and it was dangerous to be around me when I stopped smoking, even though I was extra careful not to pick on him, and carried on telling everyone that for years afterwards. And I have never so much as put a cup of tea down heavily for fear of him reacting to it as an attack.


He makes me feel like I'm the one abusing him.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!



You are really helping me see it clearly. That I'm not imagining it, that I'm not mental and need medication.


I have to man up and tell him straight that I don't want him calling, visiting, or collecting his stuff (there's all manner of junk shoved in the shed and cupboards that's his, and loads of things that belong to me - tools, particularly - that he has. So I guess they're all gone.) His mother can do that. I dread him saying 'we have to talk' because it means he's here again with his bags in the car, no money for petrol to get back for another 10 days and me stuck with him.





I wish he would just stay away and leave me alone so I don't have to do it. I'm such a coward.


But thank you, everybody for taking the time to answer me.

the_cat

You have put up with this crap for 8 YEARS?:eek:

The average person he might have lasted 8 days. With me, more likely 8 minutes. But that is because I am a heartless witch;)

You have behaved like a saint and forgiven him time after time. It has got you precisely nowhere. Time to start putting yourself first.

GET RID AND MEAN IT FOR GOOD THIS TIME

balletshoes

Do you know where his mum lives? If so, gather up all his stuff and get it round there. One less excuse for him to "need" to talk to you.

Bumpmakesfour

Gather all of his things up,drop them in his mums front garden if needs be.Tell him in no uncertain terms not to call,not to come round or you WILL call the police.Maybe even let the local police station know the situation?
Hearing you describe him touching you in your sleep,him controlling you,buying your tampax?? Oh sweetheart please please get rid.you deserve so much better

p-pincher

I feel sad for him, because underneath it, there used to be a very sweet guy, and whatever happened, he was never, ever violent.

While reading your post this was the one line that suck out to me. Of course you feel sad, your grieving for the man he used to be. he may not be physically violent but the stress of not knowing whats next mus be awful.

I grew up with an alcoholic father who eventually drank himself to death. He was genuinely the loveliest man ever, hand on heart but the stress of living with it all for me was unbearable. The lies, the promises, the tears. You probably know him better then he knows himself. Your not responsible for him. He is for himself. I stuck around because he was my dad but i really dont know if I could do it for anyone else.

re read your original post and read it as if your best friend wrote, what advice would you give then xxx

barbiedoll

You say he was your "boyfriend" for 8 years!!! :eek:

You certainly weren't his girlfriend. You were his cashpoint, enabler, sex buddy, cook, housekeeper, servant and general, all-round dogsbody.

Chuck out his stuff, change your phone number, call the police if he keeps hassling you, move if you can and do not speak to him again if at all possible, even to just be civil if you meet in the street.

I know that alcoholism is a disease but sadly, there's no cure for being an a**ehole.

No wonder his mother chucked him out! :mad:

Errata

I've got to stop him. I'll go mad if I let this carry on any longer. If I'm not mad already for having this urge to hit him again and again for grabbing at me, for all the times I've woken up to find him, well, you know,

Therapists would tell you that's not an unusual reaction. Keep yourself safe by getting rid of him immediately and staying rid, before you snap - like some women have done - and find yourself on a murder charge.

onlyroz

There is only so much you can do to help a person, and eventually you have to say "enough is enough" for your own health and sanity.

MrsAtobe

If you are so dangerous to be around (as he told everyone) what is he still doing with you? Please, please have no ore do with this ...person.. you are worth so much more than this AND YOU KNOW IT.

BTW ...person... isn't the word I want to use to describe him - insert any epithet/derogatory word you want to here.

Maz

Wow, this thread has certainly reawoken some horrible memories for me - you could be talking about my late brother. He was an alcoholic and died aged 49.

Believe me when I say that alcoholism not only destroys the alcoholic, it can also destroy the lives of the people around them.

You have to protect yourself. He can only change if he admits he has a problem,wants to change and is willing to accept help. There is nothing that you can do or say that will change him.

I recommend contacting Al-Anon or one of the support organisations for families and partners of alcoholics, they will give you sound advice. Please listen to them, they've seen and heard it all before.

I cannot stress enough the importance of you distancing yourself from this man by whatever means, if you want to have a peaceful life.