Reassure me I'm not being a heartless, witch, please!

Emmarillo

You sound like you have so much going for you. I know you dropped out, but is it possible to start your course again? Just think how well you could do if you didn't have this huge emotional drain in your life. Spending the rest of your life alone isn't something you should even think about at this point, and it isn't going to happen anyway - when you've got your confidence back you'll find happiness too.

You're not being a heartless witch at all, and i'm sure you know that. Your only fault is being too nice - easier said than done but get this man out of your life, as he's doing you no good at all. If it makes things easier, tell yourself you're doing it for your daughters sake as it's not a good example to her, her mum being a doormat.

Take care, and good luck

cavework

Hi OP .. ask yourself this
Would you be doing him any favours by sympathising with the way he has chosen to live his life?
You have told him this behaviour is unacceptable and it is.
You are doing everything right. Please refuse to be part of his self destruction.
Live your life and move on .. guilt free
xxx

Errata

He's a responsible adult, he can choose to behave like one - or not. His choice. If he wants to trash his life that's his choice, but he doesn't have the right to trash yours.
Personally, I wouldn't have him gift wrapped, with double bonus points and a free world cruise thrown in.

nearlyrich

Don't put up with this just to have someone to share Christmas with, volunteer at a hospice or a soup kitchen, get a job as a waitress anything rather than put up with this abuse, It says something if even his Mum can't put up with his rubbish any more. Look after number one and when you have learned that you are a valuable human you might start to look for someone worthy of sharing your life x

happyhaddock_2

You are worth so much more than this!! xx

notakid

Ahhhh! Tell me I'm doing the right thing, to get rid of him, to refuse to be there for him anymore, to leave him to kill himself and die in horrible pain and confusion.

We both know its going to happen if you are there or not.:(

Just before Christmas. Which will be my first Christmas totally alone.

And, if he was with you, with the excuse that its the time of year that everyone drinks more than normal would you have a good Christmas with him? You could be surprised and really enjoy it by yourself, or maybe, with your daughter?

And that I'm not an evil, cruel witch who is abandoning him to his fate.

Crikey, how could you even think that? See how far he has got you thinking black is white? What's evil about wanting to live your life not governed by lies and drink. I know its easy to say, walk away and I wouldn't say that, sometimes its easier to ignore, grin and bear it and we all want not to be alone but if you can, do try and think of yourself. :kisses3:

Edit
Go to a meeting of Al anon.
http://www.al-anonuk.org.uk/meetings/
Its useful to hear what others say. You will be surprised, you can not help him.

meritaten

sqeeky - the sweet person you USED to know - he has gone hun, and its NOT up to you to get him back!

I dont know what else to say - except you have to cut this guy loose. for your OWN sanity. and maybe, just maybe, it will HELP him! perhaps he has to hit rock bottom before he wakes up to himself.
In the meantime HE is not YOUR responsibility. You have gone far beyond what most people would.

change your locks - change your ruddy address if need be - but contact with him should be a no-no!
Get on with YOUR life - which he seems to feel is an insult to him - you want a better life, then you aint gonna get it with him dragging you down!
I wish you all the best hun - you seem to be seeing him clearly at last - now all you need to do is make sure he isnt part of your life. and that IS doable!

busiscoming2

You are not nasty. You have done the best thing possible. Don't waste any more of your life on him.

Bumpmakesfour

You owe this man NOTHING but you owe YOURSELF way way more than you are currently allowing.I think you are far from mean and nasty and tbh I would kicked his !!!! out ages ago and definately have called the police the first time he tried to break in.
He chose this path and now you must choose yours.Stay strong,cut ties,don't answer the phone.Go stay at a friends or family members for a few days,take your cat and remember what it's like to please yourself for a while. xx

Ginger_Poodle

Please do as others suggest and reread your original post. But read it as if it was your daughter's story rather than yours. What would you say to her if she was in your situation? I imagine you would lock her away rather than let her see such a person again.

Alcoholism is a hideous disease. It takes away the person's ability to love, care or understand other people. Some escape it, but sadly many do not. He has chosen this life, please don't let him drag you down too.