Reassure me I'm not being a heartless, witch, please!

balletshoes

OP have you read over your post?
There is nothing in it which suggests you are being, or have been, remotely mean to this complete and utter waste of space. He may never stand on his own 2 feet, but rest assured, you need to completely cut him off before he drags you down with him.

That nice guy that used to be there? He's gone, and he won't be coming back.

Change your phone numbers, and call the police if he starts hanging around your house or attempting to get in. He's harassing you if he's banging on your door and you don't want him there.

abbecer

He's had more than enough chances. He doesn't want to help himself. Nothing I have read in your post leads me to believe he wants to change. He thinks you and the world owe him. YOU DON'T...MOVE ON. xxx

msb5262

Hello OP,

You need to re-read what you posted and be very happy that you've made this decision.

Well done - now you can start getting something out of life. I hope you'll think about going back into education as nothing and nobody should stand in your way.

Good luck!

MsB

poorly_scammo

Ignore him completely. Engage in no contact whatsoever and if he keeps harrassing you, which is what he is doing, then involve the police.

Kindness only goes so far. You've given him more than enough by the sounds of it.

milliemonster

This man is 45 yrs old, 45!!!!! for god sake by this stage in his life, he should be settled with a good job, plans for the future, dependable, caring, mature etc etc etc, instead he sounds like an off the rails teenager to the extreme, I'm sorry but if he has not sorted himself out by this age, he never will, don't waste another minute of your life on this deadbeat otherwise you will be here again in 20 years time looking back on the life you could have had

Mayflower10cat

My only frame of comparison is a dear friend of ours and her husband, whom we had known as a couple and as neighbours. Some years on (after they'd moved away and we were still in touch, but not meeting up every few days or so) she revealed that she'd discovered her husband's secret drinking and that he'd lost his job through an 'incident (major health and safety issue) at work which might have led to an accident happening to other employees' though he hadn't told her. The drinking was a bottle of vodka a day at work and then strong lager at home and this had been going on for some years. Their joint back account had been plundered heavily as had their savings account. The clincher was that their three year old daughter had been driven to and from nursery more times than she could count by a husband and father who was many times over the limit. They split and he agreed to be sectioned, as there were mental health issues surfacing relating to cannabis abuse.

I wish I could say there was a happy ending for our friends. There wasn't, sadly. Our friend came out of hospital and almost immediately resumed his former life choice. For the sake of their daughter, he agreed to leave the marital home and live with his Mum, who said she would monitor him. A few months on, he left his Mum's and moved into a squat, well a commune in a squat. Our friend was offered help again from his family but never kept any of the meetings or appointments. He'd been allowed to meet with his daughter in a supervised environment every week for as long as he wanted, but he stopped turning up and she became upset when he didn't appear, so this was abandoned. After losing touch, his choice, with family and friends the last we heard was that he'd been found dead at the squat, aged 36, the post mortem revealed liver and organ failure. Our friend had been lost to us for six years, and had ignored all help and support.

The point of this sad story is that - there are only so many chances you can give an alcoholic. Even if you cut off their supply of cash, they will find a way to drink, somehow or other. If your partner has no desire to change, he won't, trust me. I would say, get out now whilst you still have your sanity, your bank account and friends and family you trust. Maybe this sounds hard. But our friend still sacrificed his family for his addictions, even with the help he had been offered. I think of our friend now, in his prime, before we knew he had problems and it makes me feel so sad even ten years on.

I hope you keep on keeping on, as they say. And turn to your family for loving support. My best wishes to you.

CH27

Get a chain fitted to your front door so he cannot barge his way in.

j.e.j.

The relationship sounds abusive and it sounds like he's 'got issues'. I think you're better off steering clear of him, but do have a plan of action ready for if/when he turns up your doorstep.

claire16c

Oh my god he sounds like a disgusting loser. You are right to move on. Why waste any more of your time on him?

VestanPance

There's nothing in that post says anything but get this idiot out your life. None of that is 'normal'.