I know this can't be solved I just need support

singlef

MrsTine wrote: »

Whilst the debts are in your mothers name then our normal avenues are somewhat closed... I suppose that it is still out of the question to get some of the debt into your own name with a loan or credit card? At least if you could do that you could default on them and address them.
Where you are living - is this the cheapest there is? I know it might be unsettling for your aunt to move but if you can find something cheaper it might be a way forward...
Ultimately you might not have liked the situation your aunt was in before but it might be that you need to think about letting someone else care for her, even in the short term so you can find somewhere cheap, get a job for a while and get yourself on an even keel again. Once you have dealt with your debts to your mum then you can look at finding somewhere affordable for you and your aunt again...
It might also give you a little time to sort out those dark thoughts without having to worry about her?

I am not in a position to get any credit, that's the reason its in my mothers name.
Moving would not solve anything as we do get housing benefit for where we stay so moving would make little difference.
The house is actually in my Aunts name so if I was no longer able to care for her I would have to move out the house and they would put carers in to look after her. This would then leave me homeless and in a bigger mess than what I am in now!

MrsTinks

singlef wrote: »

I have had many a sleepless night thinking about defaulting on the payments therefore forcing my Mother to help but this is not an option, as desperate as I am I just don't have it in me to do something like that.

Hun you need to be frank with her and point out that whether you want to or not, unless you can clear the deficit you will default eventually... She can either help you to save her credit rating, or wait for it to get trashed...

MrsTinks

If you use the SOA calculator just format it with the MSE forum format and then copy and paste it here
This is the one we tend to use here: http://www.makesenseofcards.com/soacalc.html

LandyAndy

singlef wrote:

I have filled in the form on this site and I am £332.94 short every month and that is living the way I described. God help me if anything breaks down and as for Christmas and Birthday presents for others or haircuts well it just isn't happening!

LandyAndy wrote: »

So post the SoA on here.:)

singlef wrote: »

I tried but as I am a new user it would not let me

That can't be right.

Are you using the one generally used on this site?

That can certainly be posted by a new user. It would be ridiculous if it couldn't.

singlef

LandyAndy wrote: »

That can't be right.

Are you using the one generally used on this site?

That can certainly be posted by a new user. It would be ridiculous if it couldn't.

This is the message I get

Sorry as a new user you are not allowed to post with links. This is done to stop spammers clogging up the site. Please edit your message below to continue.

I am sure I will not be a newbie for ever so will post it asap!

LandyAndy

singlef wrote: »

This is the message I get

Sorry as a new user you are not allowed to post with links. This is done to stop spammers clogging up the site. Please edit your message below to continue.

I am sure I will not be a newbie for ever so will post it asap!

You definitely aren't doing it right;).

I'm not sure what you should be doing instead, though:(:D.

Can you not copy and paste into one of your posts rather than use a link?

MrsTinks

You need to copy the text - you can't post links yet
If you use the link I posted at the bottom you have the option to format the results for forums (including MSE) - it will then leave the text in a window at the bottom - copy paste this text into here

singlef

MrsTine wrote: »

Hun you need to be frank with her and point out that whether you want to or not, unless you can clear the deficit you will default eventually... She can either help you to save her credit rating, or wait for it to get trashed...

I have tried every avenue with my mother, I have told her I will stop paying and she said that if I wanted to be the cause of the death of an old woman then stop paying and that is what would happen. She also went completely mad when I asked her to talk to someone from the CAB so they could explain things in a calm manner. I am now in a situation where my mother only sends me a text message whenever the cards are due to be paid to remind me to pay them. She has no contact with me, her granddaughter or her sister (my Aunt) it is a very sad situation to be in over money, and its half the reason I feel like I should not be here, I feel guilty for ever accepting my Mothers help in the first place! She has been very money motivated her whole life and is a very jealous woman who can be very twisted and bitter towards others who she thinks are better off than her. I am in this situation because I never want to be like her and would give anyone who needed it my help, ok I maybe should not have used a credit card to do it but I did what I did to help others. Even now as skint as I am I still try and help when I can i could not walk past a homeless person or see anyone on there own at Christmas. Because nobody really knows my situation I am the first person everyone comes to for help and I still do what I can.

LandyAndy

MrsTine wrote: »

You need to copy the text - you can't post links yet
If you use the link I posted at the bottom you have the option to format the results for forums (including MSE) - it will then leave the text in a window at the bottom - copy paste this text into here

:beer: MrsT.

MrsTinks

Unfortunately she is living in cloud cuckoo land if she thinks it will help anything... You are by your estimimation down several hundred a month which means you CAN'T pay these, not WON'T... By the sounds of it your relationship with your mother has already greatly deteriorated and right now I think the best thing you can do is explain to her in a letter what is going to happen: You can't pay the bills, what you CAN afford each month is £x. You are warning her before you fail to make the payments, you're very sorry but there simply isn't any money to keep up with things. Stop trying to please her, stop trying to worry about displeasing her. Maybe once you are at a point of being able to repay all you owe her you can repair the relationship but right now you have to worry about you before all else - your aunt in the worst case would be looked after - you need to look after YOU right now!