I know this can't be solved I just need support

singlef

In the last few years I have managed to amass over £10,000 in credit card debt! I am such a caring giving person that I just want everyone to be happy and most of this debt has been because I wanted to make someone smile.
I have been a full time carer for my Aunt for around 3 years and my spiral in to this dark place started when I gave up my nice little house to move into a house with my Aunt. She was in a care home through no fault of her own and she was only there on a temporary basis until they found somewhere else for her,she has learning difficulties and what was being suggested for her was just so wrong so I stepped in and with the promise of help I agreed to care for her.
We moved in to a much larger house than I had lived in and except for a community care grant of £1600 and the furniture I had brought from my small house we had nothing. It was then I started my spending. I wanted to give my Aunt a nice life as she had suffered for so long. I have not got the best credit rating ( another long story ) so I asked my mother to get me a credit card in her name and I would pay it, I soon maxed the £3700 limit on that but I was paying it off but sometimes not paying the rent so i could pay it. At that point I was managing ok and should have just accepted that it was going to take a while to pay it and got on with it. My mother then suggested getting another card with interest free option for balance transfers to clear off the first card and i thought it was a good option so I went with that. So I then got another card this time with a £8200 limit. I paid off the first card and the rent arrears and then my daughter got a little house so i used more of the money on that card to pay for things she didn't have. I had soon maxed that card too and was struggling with the payments so started using the first card again to buy shopping and gifts for my family and friends. I think at this point I had hit rock bottom and buying things for others made me feel better.
Once I had nothing left to spend I then started to see the mess I had gotten myself into and I have attempted suicide on a number of occasions. The family and friends I lavished gifts on didn't want to know and I am now left with this debt with no real means of paying it. As a carer I live on benefits and for anyone who lives on benefits they will know its not easy but add on credit card debt and you will know its impossible. In all the time I was spending I never once thought about myself it was all for others and its really hard to watch them getting on with there lives while I am suffering so much.
I have begged and pleaded with my mother to take out a loan to pay the cards as then I would at least be paying one amount and I would see the difference but she has refused. I have no way of sorting out this mess and to be honest I don't know how long I can live in this dark dark place but then I can't just go and leave someone else in the position of cleaning up the mess I am in.
I have gone from living a simple life with no debts to living the most horrendous life anyone can imagine, I have started selling things from home to keep my head above water but I am quickly running out of things to sell and worry about what I will do next.
I would love to know how long it will be till my debt is cleared but on the other hand I actually think the shock might push me over the edge.

carrington67

Dear Signle F, your story is not uncommon and the first thing I would like to stress is that debt or money issues are never worth taking your life over - not ever. Look at how many people now go bankrupt and just write off their debt; within a year they are free and can live a nice, carefree life again. Also, nobody needs to know if you decide to default - so you can keep if from your family if that bothers you.

You have to look at how many people got themselves into a mess during the credit boom. So many people are still carrying these debts and like yourself, are wondering what to do about it. There are so many debt charities that will help you for free (don't bother with companies who profit from the situation).#

Hope this helps, all the best
Davd.

Tixy

Hi and welcome to the forum. I'm sorry you are having such a bad time of things at the moment.

Are you still living with and caring for aunt? are you both getting all the benefits you are entitled to? including carer's allowance / attendance allowance etc?

Have you sought any advice from a debt charity at all? If not I would suggest you need to do that asap, as they should be able to suggest a solution that will help you find a way out.
How much of the £10k debt is in your name? how much in your mother's name?

IMPORTANT - Where to seek professional impartial advice about your debts.

Sue-UU

Hi singlef and a warm welcome to MSE. You've made that huge first step in coming here and getting the whole problem down on paper, so to speak.

David is so right, nothing is worth you giving up over, and certainly not worth you taking your life over! You've had so much on your plate in recent years and, due to compassion, sincere kindness and the reed of other, you're now in a lot of debt.

I'd imagine the first thing to try is going to your local Citizens Advice Bureau and seeking their help about what to do next. Just always remember that you are NEVER alone, here on MSE so many others are in similar predicaments to you, so please don't give in.

Read through David's post and think about the choices others like you have taken, it may be in your interest to do the same, just do please seek advice first. BTW, I think your Mother was wise in not getting another loan as it would only have got you even deeper in debt, quite possibly her too!

Please singlef..don't despair!

Love and hugs, Sue xx

singlef

Thanks to everyone for taking the time to reply

I have been to Citizens Advice and they went through all my incomings and outgoings and came up with the same as I already knew, I don't have enough money coming in to pay everything, they suggested getting a loan to pay off the credit cards as the interest would be lower. I cut back on everything I could. I have stopped smoking, drinking and socialising in any form! I shop at my local supermarket and only buy things that have been reduced or are on special offer or the shops value range! I try and pay more than the minimum amount every month but some months I just can't do it.
I only use my car to take my Aunt back and forward to the places she needs to be, when i am on my own I walk everywhere.
The credit card debts are all in my mothers name and not something I would default on. I also have rent arrears which I have made an agreement to pay off at a certain amount each month but on top of the rent its a struggle! I have arrears with the local council for daycare costs for my Aunt, as yet I have not been threatened with anything by them but it must be coming close to that. I am paying off a housing benefit overpayment that comes direct from my benefits. Council tax arrears come direct from my benefits too but I don't mind that as at least its getting paid each year. I pay a set amount each month for my heating and electric as it is part of the tenancy of this house.
I cant get a job as i need to look after my aunt and even getting a small part time job when she is at her daycare is not possible as she is frequently unwell and I need to keep her at home.
I can honestly say that today i won't end my life over this but it is not always my way of thinking. I am trying really hard to resolve this but it is difficult.

singlef

Perhaps I should also say that my relationship with my mother at this time is very strained. we have had massive arguments about this debt and about ways she could help. I have not asked her to pay a penny of my debt and have never once missed making payments on both cards. She knows exactly how I am living at the moment and she I hate to say likes seeing me suffer! It is a long story but trust me she will never do anything to help me get out of this mess. If I did default she would have to pay it but it is not in my nature to do something like that no matter how unreasonable she is being about it all!

Tixy

Hi

It sounds like your in a tough position because your debts are in mother's name and not yours. Normally in your situation, if the debts were in your name, the advice would be to default on the card repayments, prioritise paying rent, council tax etc and then pay reduced payments to your unsecured creditors. I see that you don't want to do this if you can possibly avoid it with the debts being in her name.

How far short are you of being able to make repayments each month (according to the CAB budget)? It might be worth posting up a statement of affairs on here to see if people can spot anything else you could get a bit cheaper some how or save a bit of money some where - we use this calculator - http://www.makesenseofcards.com/soacalc.html

Selling things that are not needed is a help but obviously isn't going to work long term. Maybe have a look at the 'up your income' board here on MSE for ways you could make a little extra money online from home. Its not going to be enough money to turn things around but could help a little to make things easier for you whilst still enabling you to look after your aunt. You might at least be able to do things like online surveys etc, some pay cash and some in vouchers but every bit can help.

singlef

I have filled in the form on this site and I am £332.94 short every month and that is living the way I described. God help me if anything breaks down and as for Christmas and Birthday presents for others or haircuts well it just isn't happening!

RAS

Hi

Have you asked for a up to date assessment of the benefits to which your auntie is entitled? And checked that you are getting all that you can?

I think a discussion with CAP might be a good starting point.

Tixy

You've mentioned paying council tax - but if your only income is benefits then you would usually receive full council tax benefit - do you not? and have you checked that this is correct?

If you are paying ctax and cannot claim ctax benefit, are you paying as those there are 2 adults in the house or just you? does your aunt have an exemption? does she qualify as "severely mentally impaired" and so entitled not to pay? (e.g. my great aunt with alzheimers was not liable for council tax).

How much housing benefit are you both entitled to? does this not cover your rent?

Sue-UU

Brilliant, RAS! I honestly thought you'd mistakenly put the initials for CAB, but googling CAP can see exactly what you mean.

Try this, singlef http://www.capuk.org/who/aboutus.php

All the very, very best for light at the end of the tunnel.

Hugs, Sue x