Should I invite parents for Xmas?

whitewing

As they live pretty close, and she will be working, I would

plan the christmas day that you want, cook dinner at the time you want, have presents etc when you want, keep it fairly loose not rigidly timetabled,

issue an invitation to your parents that this is what you are doing and roughly when and that they are welcome to join you on the day if they want, food will be plentiful and they don't need to fix their plans, they can just drop in if they feel like it,

keep it light and if they don't come they can't complain as they were invited and you can eat up the leftovers anyway, but if they do come they can just slot in to the happy family environment

neverdespairgirl

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

What makes your father incapable of cooking their Christmas dinner?

Perhaps he's like my father. If he is, we'd have beans on toast for the meal.

dirtysexymonkey

elvis86 wrote: »

!!!!!!?! Mind games?:D

The OP's mother has dropped a couple of hints about being invited or Christmas lunch (and only because the OP hasn't done what would come naturally to most of us, and invite her parents to Christmas dinner upon discovering that her mum will be spending the morning cleaning at work).

I've spent the last fortnight dropping hints to my OH about things I'd like, to help him with Christmas shopping. I wouldn't consider ours to be an unhealthy relationship based on me playing "mind games" and "emotionally manipulating him"! Get a grip!

you seem incapable of understanding that not everyone has the same relationship with their parents.

presumably you are not trying to guilt trip your partner into doing something he doesnt want to do as the ops mother is? thats the difference between dropping hints and being emotionally manipulative.

Abbafan1972

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

Perhaps he's like my father. If he is, we'd have beans on toast for the meal.

Ha! My Dad would never cook Xmas dinner (or any dinner for that matter).

balletshoes

Abbafan1972 wrote: »

Yes we have been a handful of times as adults and they've been to us a couple of times.

The last time we were there at Xmas was about 3 years ago (we stayed over), it was ok, I slept terrible though. My Mom was up at 5.00am loading/emptying the dishwasher and all I could hear were clattering dishes.

Hubby didn't always like going, as he would usually end up helping in the kitchen and there's certain aspects of my Mom's cooking I don't like!

My Mom and Dad live about 3 miles away, so not a great distance, in case you needed to know. And also, we no longer see hubby's parents, so don't need to consider them.

I'd invite them - its in your home, not theirs, so you are in charge of the food, kitchen etc. Your mum is working until mid-morning, so she won't have you awake at 5am. I think in this case its a nice thing to do .

newcook

dirtysexymonkey wrote: »

i think you misunderstand - i dont think she was being selfish for doing what she wants at xmas - she has every right to do that - i think shes selfish for emotionally manipulating her daughter because she doesnt want to pay someone else to cook for her.

I havent misunderstood - she tried eating out last year and didnt like it, she is working this year but wants to spend time with OP and family. im guessing that if she wasnt working she would have asked OP if they wanted to come round for dinner. as it is, OP's mom is working, OP isn’t working and OP is also cooking dinner.
You’d have thought that with it being the season of peace and goodwill to all that OP would stop pulling her face about the fact that last year her mom decided to do something different

dirtysexymonkey wrote: »

shes an adult - she should ask, not try and guilt trip her daughter after ignoring her the year before!

she didnt ignore her - OP's parents decided to eat out and do something different.
OP is also an adult but it sounds like she is behaving rather childish and almost expects her mom to beg for an invite.

Marisco

dirtysexymonkey wrote: »

i think shes selfish for emotionally manipulating her daughter because she doesnt want to pay someone else to cook for her.

So how have you deduced that from the posts?? When my parents were alive, it was a given that they came to ours for Xmas dinner! They knew what time we were serving up, and they meandered over whenever they wanted, usually in time to see the kids opening their pressies There is only 2 of us these days, my kids and granddkids are scattered to the four winds, so make the most of it whilst you can!!

elvis86

dirtysexymonkey wrote: »

you seem incapable of understanding that not everyone has the same relationship with their parents.

presumably you are not trying to guilt trip your partner into doing something he doesnt want to do as the ops mother is? thats the difference between dropping hints and being emotionally manipulative.

I can't see that the OP has given any background info to suggest that her mother is emotionally manipulative. Only that she is working on Christmas day and seems to be hinting for an invite for dinner. That's not mind games and emotional manipulation. That's hinting for an invite for dinner.

newcook

Abbafan1972 wrote: »

FYI, the MIL won't come and visit her Grandkids, and blamed it on us saying we've stopped her from seeing them which isn't true. I gave her a chance when a similar thing happened before and she blew it. They live half a mile away so no excuse really.

and did you and OH take the children to see the inlaws?

dirtysexymonkey

newcook wrote: »

I havent misunderstood - she tried eating out last year and didnt like it, she is working this year but wants to spend time with OP and family. im guessing that if she wasnt working she would have asked OP if they wanted to come round for dinner. as it is, OP's mom is working, OP isn’t working and OP is also cooking dinner.
You’d have thought that with it being the season of peace and goodwill to all that OP would stop pulling her face about the fact that last year her mom decided to do something different

she didnt ignore her - OP's parents decided to eat out and do something different.
OP is also an adult but it sounds like she is behaving rather childish and almost expects her mom to beg for an invite.

youve misunderstood the reasons why i labeled her as selfish.

you seem to ignore that the ops mother chose to ignore her daughter and grandchildren on xmas day and boxing day.

theres nothing to suggest that the ops mother would have invited her around for dinner if she wasnt working.

it doesnt sound like the op is being childish at all - she sounds like someone who would rather be asked rather than be subjected to a guilt trip.

and she is under no obligation at all to feed her mother - none.