Should I invite parents for Xmas?

Abbafan1972

My mom works in a nursing home as a cleaner and this year she's got to work Xmas Eve, Xmas Day, Monday and Tuesday.

On Xmas day she finishes at 11.00am. When she was telling me about it, she said. "So I suppose I'll have to cook dinner when I get in from work".

I usually get a Turkey from work, which is a gift from the MD. They are nice ones too. My Mom said to me "are you getting your free Turkey this year?" My Mom's words, I don't class it as free, I class it as a gift.

Anyway, It sounds as if she's poaching for an invite for Xmas day. It will just be me, hubby and 2 kids on the day.

So should I invite them? The reason why I'm asking this is because last year she wasn't working and they booked to go out for dinner both Xmas Day and Boxing Day without giving us a second thought. :mad:

dirtysexymonkey

have they ever invited you as adults? are they after a free lunch? more importantly do you want them there?

Abbafan1972

Yes we have been a handful of times as adults and they've been to us a couple of times.

The last time we were there at Xmas was about 3 years ago (we stayed over), it was ok, I slept terrible though. My Mom was up at 5.00am loading/emptying the dishwasher and all I could hear were clattering dishes.

Hubby didn't always like going, as he would usually end up helping in the kitchen and there's certain aspects of my Mom's cooking I don't like!

My Mom and Dad live about 3 miles away, so not a great distance, in case you needed to know. And also, we no longer see hubby's parents, so don't need to consider them.

Alikay

Well from the sound of it, you don't want them to come for Christmas dinner, so I doubt they'd feel comfortable coming if they knew how you feel. Personally I would ask my parents - you don't know how long you'll have them both around (my dad died suddenly at 66), and it would be nice for your mum as she'd have been at work in the morning. My kids always love seeing their grandparents at Christmas and due to both grannies living alone in small flats I've always done the dinner, despite being no Delia Smith!

However your posts show how resentful you feel about the prospect so why don't you just have Christmas day as you've planned with your own little family?

dirtysexymonkey

Abbafan1972 wrote: »

Yes we have been a handful of times as adults and they've been to us a couple of times.

The last time we were there at Xmas was about 3 years ago (we stayed over), it was ok, I slept terrible though. My Mom was up at 5.00am loading/emptying the dishwasher and all I could hear were clattering dishes.

Hubby didn't always like going, as he would usually end up helping in the kitchen and there's certain aspects of my Mom's cooking I don't like!

My Mom and Dad live about 3 miles away, so not a great distance, in case you needed to know. And also, we no longer see hubby's parents, so don't need to consider them.

do you want them there though?

it doesnt sound like you do, but you seem conflicted, so would it be possible to have them there just for dinner for a few hours. dinner and a few games with the kids and then kick them out - invent an evening engagement if you must.

that way they should be on their best behaviour and you might be able to cope with them?

Sambucus_Nigra

Abbafan1972 wrote: »

My mom works in a nursing home as a cleaner and this year she's got to work Xmas Eve, Xmas Day, Monday and Tuesday.

On Xmas day she finishes at 11.00am. When she was telling me about it, she said. "So I suppose I'll have to cook dinner when I get in from work".

I usually get a Turkey from work, which is a gift from the MD. They are nice ones too. My Mom said to me "are you getting your free Turkey this year?" My Mom's words, I don't class it as free, I class it as a gift.

Anyway, It sounds as if she's poaching for an invite for Xmas day. It will just be me, hubby and 2 kids on the day.

So should I invite them? The reason why I'm asking this is because last year she wasn't working and they booked to go out for dinner both Xmas Day and Boxing Day without giving us a second thought. :mad:

Has your mum looked after your for about 16 years, cooking you dinner every day? Making you breakfast, and sorting out lunch?

If so, then invite them. If not, don't.

You choose.

dirtysexymonkey

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

Has your mum looked after your for about 16 years, cooking you dinner every day? Making you breakfast, and sorting out lunch?

If so, then invite them. If not, don't.

You choose.

so your of the guilt school of relationships. a parent doesnt have the right to be invited to their childs house at xmas, or indeed a relationship of any kind, with their child just because they performed the minimum of care required of them.

parents are people too - it doesnt matter if theyre family or not, no one should be obligated to spend any time with anyone unless they freely choose to.

January20

Abbafan1972 wrote: »

Yes we have been a handful of times as adults and they've been to us a couple of times.

The last time we were there at Xmas was about 3 years ago (we stayed over), it was ok, I slept terrible though. My Mom was up at 5.00am loading/emptying the dishwasher and all I could hear were clattering dishes.

Hubby didn't always like going, as he would usually end up helping in the kitchen and there's certain aspects of my Mom's cooking I don't like!

My Mom and Dad live about 3 miles away, so not a great distance, in case you needed to know. And also, we no longer see hubby's parents, so don't need to consider them.

1. What is wrong with you hubby helping out in the kitchen?

2. Whatever you call it, yes you are getting a free turkey. Gifts are free.

3. You are an adult with her own family. If your parents want to book Christmas out without you, it's their right and their choice. Don't hold it against them. Perhaps your mum couldn't see herself cooking for many people?

4. Your mum won't be cooking.

5. Empty the dishwasher at a time that suits you and she won't do it at 5 am!

I've read your 2 posts and I just think your excuses are pathetic. I'm sorry but they are. You don't have to invite them. If you don't want them there, then don't invite them.

harrys_nan

I think you have answered your own question, you obviously don't want to give them an invite so I think it would be uncomfortably for all

onlyroz

I wouldn't want my parents knocking around for the whole of Christmas day, but we usually invite them from about 3pm, for dinner at 4pm. But if you don't want them there then don't invite them.

tanith

If you have to ask the question then don't bother , sounds to me like your Mum could do with someone to cook for her if she's working half the day..but its your choice.