Should I invite parents for Xmas?

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

What makes your father incapable of cooking their Christmas dinner?

newcook

Marisco wrote: »

It's pretty obvious the mum hasn't got much money, I don't think anyone who is well off is going to be cleaning a nursing home all over the holidays! QUOTE]

My mom used to work in an old folks home and its just unfortunate that if your normal work day falls on Christmas/boxing day etc then its tough (unless you can get someone to swap shifts).

dirtysexymonkey wrote: »

she had enough money to eat out for the last two years.

maybe the op has even less money - bringing up a disabled child isnt cheap you know! maybe the op wouldve gladly invited her mother but maybe her mother is selfish? she certainly sounds it!

DSM – how does the OP’s mother sound selfish?! (Im not picking BTW just wondering!)

dirtysexymonkey

aliasojo wrote: »

Hey I hated my Father's guts and shed no tears when he died. I left home at 16 to get away from my folks so I'm well versed in not getting on with family.

I do see your point but I think there is so much more to the way the OP feels than just dinner.

Xmas dinner in a lot of families isn't a 'set' event that is repeated year after year. We don't usually have family round but this year we are. I don't necessarily see that not having gone to Mum's last year is a reason to not invite her this year.

im sure there is much more. im just trying to counteract all the "she gave birth to you, you owe her a christmas dinner and everything else she asks for until the day she dies!" crap.

im surprised at some of the people posting it because i remember their own rants about their parents. youd think they would have more empathy for the op.

Marisco

dirtysexymonkey wrote: »

absolutely.

re: child - i remember one of the ops previous posts. just thought it was fair to point out after someone else decided the mother works so hard and so her daughter was obligated to provide her with an xmas lunch. bringing up a disabled child is much more difficult than cleaning !!!!!!!

TBH, I'm one of those who are always amazed that people remember past posts on different threads!!! :eek: I go on what is posted, and the op did not mention that the reason was that she had a disabled child. In fact she didn't really give a reason did she? As for mum going out for the last 2 years, how do you know the daughter wasn't asked and declined? I'm sure if the op had posted "we are a dysfunctional family and I've never got on with mum" she would have had different responses.

dirtysexymonkey

newcook wrote: »

DSM – how does the OP’s mother sound selfish?! (Im not picking BTW just wondering!)

it seems to me as if the only reason shes now trying to guilt her daughter into inviting her to xmas dinner is because she cant be bothered to make her own/cant afford to pay someone else to do it.

she didnt bother with her daughter and grandchildren on the year she was free for xmas day/boxing day but now she cant be bothered she wants to be catered for. its as if shes quite literally using her daughter for a free xmas lunch and nothing more!

to me thats selfish and actually quite a horrible way to treat your children.

dirtysexymonkey

Marisco wrote: »

TBH, I'm one of those who are always amazed that people remember past posts on different threads!!! :eek: I go on what is posted, and the op did not mention that the reason was that she had a disabled child. In fact she didn't really give a reason did she? As for mum going out for the last 2 years, how do you know the daughter wasn't asked and declined? I'm sure if the op had posted "we are a dysfunctional family and I've never got on with mum" she would have had different responses.

she said it in the op and subsequent posts in this thread.

aliasojo

dirtysexymonkey wrote: »

...im surprised at some of the people posting it because i remember their own rants about their parents. youd think they would have more empathy for the op.

I think empathy may be in short supply simply because the OP comes across as a tad bitter? Whether she has cause or not, who knows.

But at face value, she seems more concerned about herself and doesn't seem to be considering her Mum's possible pov. I think that's why so many are coming at this from Mum's angle maybe.

NEH

Can I just point out that eating out on Christmas day is often cheaper than eating at home, given the over priced turkeys etc especially when there is only one or two of you.....

elvis86

pelirocco wrote: »

Maybe there would be more wonderful relationships if people werent so keen to store up every little slight ( real or imagined ) .Life isnt all about keeping a score and to fall out with your parents because they spent 2 Christmas dinners elsewhere is such a waste of emotions .

Exactly. It's really not difficult to make a gifted turkey stretch so there's barely (if any) cost involved. Maybe a few additional veggies. If you resent your parents that on Christmas Day, it's pretty sad.

dirtysexymonkey

pelirocco wrote: »

Maybe there would be more wonderful relationships if people werent so keen to store up every little slight ( real or imagined ) .Life isnt all about keeping a score and to fall out with your parents because they spent 2 Christmas dinners elsewhere is such a waste of emotions .

just because someone gave birth to you doesnt mean they have the right to do whatever they want and be forgiven for it.