Should I invite parents for Xmas?

NEH

Abbafan1972 wrote: »

Wow! A lot of varied replies there. I don't understand the bit in red. We were in my Mom's house, we were in bed and my Mom was already up on Boxing day doing the dishwasher, the bedroom is directly above the kitchen.

My Mom's job is a bit of a sore subject. They are always phoning her up at short notice asking her to go in and cover for staff that are never there. I know it pi$$es off my Dad, as he's expected to drop her off at work at 7am, but the place is within walking distance.

She is supposed to be retired (they both are) and I know the job is affecting her health, (She's in her early 60's). But she won't listen. Obviously it's up to her what she spends the money on, but it only seems to be there to fund her ciggy habit.

You have to accept that when you're in someone else's house you're their guest and you have to put up with what they do in their own home. If folks were to stay in your house I bet you do things which would get on their nerves.;)

newcook

dirtysexymonkey wrote: »

it seems to me as if the only reason shes now trying to guilt her daughter into inviting her to xmas dinner is because she cant be bothered to make her own/cant afford to pay someone else to do it.

she didnt bother with her daughter and grandchildren on the year she was free for xmas day/boxing day but now she cant be bothered she wants to be catered for. its as if shes quite literally using her daughter for a free xmas lunch and nothing more!

to me thats selfish and actually quite a horrible way to treat your children.

The first year that my mom wasn’t working over xmas she and my stepdad booked a 4 night stay in a hotel from the 23rd dec – I didn’t think it was selfish at all! It was something she had wanted to do for quite a few years as she was always working and fancied someone else cooking xmas dinner for a change (my stepdad is a useless cook and my flat was too small, damp and cold!).
Turns out she didn’t like it one bit – she said the food was lovely but it wasn’t the same as being at home but she was glad she experienced it.

So her folks did something different last year – they obviously didn’t like it and would like to spend Christmas with OP and her family.
I think it’s a shame to hold against them the fact that last year they tried something different.

magenta22

Everyone always cooks too much food on Christmas day anyway (who knows why people seem to think that there has to be more food than usual).

Therefore there should be plenty to go around. Wouldn't it be better that the OP serve it to her parents than waste it?

OP - if you are going to invite them for dinner, whether it's reluctantly or not. You should do so soon before they go and buy something for it.

Giddytimes

It doesn't sound to me like you want them there, so don't invite them, you'll only be annoyed/resentful on Christmas day and the children will pick up on it.

I agree there are clearly some deeper issues here, it is not the norm for someone to be so bitter about their Mum hinting for an invite for Xmas dinner.

dirtysexymonkey

elvis86 wrote: »

What on earth does raising a disabled child have to do with this? Kudos to the OP if he is, but it's completely irrelevant to this.

"I have a disabled child, therefore I can't get 2 extra plates out of the cupboard and boil some more vegetables to accomodate my parents on Christmas Day.." ??

if you think hosting is nothing more than filling an extra plate then youre doing it wrong.

its not irrelevant at all. adding further stress to any environment which is already incredibly stressful (xmas day with two kids!) is not going to make for a happy day.

the ops mother needs to accept that she is not the most important person in her childs life anymore. i suspect that that may be more of an issue considering she couldnt be bothered to visit her own grandkids on xmas day or boxing day last year.

aliasojo

dirtysexymonkey wrote: »

..would you, for instance, expect your son to put himself (and his kids) out so you can have xmas dinner with them?

the thing thats really annoying me is the mind games the ops mother is playing, and the subsequent excuses that are being made for her.

she has no right to try and guilt trip her daughter into having her for xmas day. no parents has the right to emotionally manipulate their children for their own ends.

Listen, I've already told all of mine that they need to wipe my @ss when I can no longer do it for myself, so yes I would expect son to put himself out for me on Xmas day.:rotfl:

We're not talking a lifelong committment here, it's one day. If any child of mine had such an issue with considering me in this way, I would think I'd failed at raising decent human beings tbh.

Perhaps the Mother is diasppointed that she hasn't been asked outright and doesn't feel able to do anything more than just hint?

Of course I'm basing all my replies on the assumption that the Mother is a 'normal' Mother with the 'usual' Mother/child niggles. If the Mother is an absolute biatch then scrap all the above. Only the Op will know that though. I just hope she sees the situation honestly and not through self centered glasses.

Oh and if anyone cares, I had cheese on toast. Happy days.

Abbafan1972

revpeachy wrote: »

That's the Christmas Spirit!!

And also, we no longer see hubby's parents, so don't need to consider them.

Spotting a pattern!!!

Wow...or should I say Bah Humbug!! aren't you full of Christmas Cheer!! You never know maybe when you're older your own kids grown up you 'll be in the same boat as your mother and will you be treated the same??

You need to give yourself a shake - your parents are not going to be around forever and its one meal, one day, one moment to stop and be a family!! Share the love!!!! (and port!)

FYI, the MIL won't come and visit her Grandkids, and blamed it on us saying we've stopped her from seeing them which isn't true. I gave her a chance when a similar thing happened before and she blew it. They live half a mile away so no excuse really.

dirtysexymonkey

newcook wrote: »

The first year that my mom wasn’t working over xmas she and my stepdad booked a 4 night stay in a hotel from the 23rd dec – I didn’t think it was selfish at all! It was something she had wanted to do for quite a few years as she was always working and fancied someone else cooking xmas dinner for a change (my stepdad is a useless cook and my flat was too small, damp and cold!).
Turns out she didn’t like it one bit – she said the food was lovely but it wasn’t the same as being at home but she was glad she experienced it.

So her folks did something different last year – they obviously didn’t like it and would like to spend Christmas with OP and her family.
I think it’s a shame to hold against them the fact that last year they tried something different.

i think you misunderstand - i dont think she was being selfish for doing what she wants at xmas - she has every right to do that - i think shes selfish for emotionally manipulating her daughter because she doesnt want to pay someone else to cook for her.

shes an adult - she should ask, not try and guilt trip her daughter after ignoring her the year before!

elvis86

dirtysexymonkey wrote: »

i think maybe its just a clash of cultures.

my parents have raised us all to not feel obligated to them for anything because they did what they were supposed to do. thats probably why all of us are really close.

there comes a time when parents arent the most important people in a childs life - especially after they themselves have children.

would you, for instance, expect your son to put himself (and his kids) out so you can have xmas dinner with them?

the thing thats really annoying me is the mind games the ops mother is playing, and the subsequent excuses that are being made for her.

she has no right to try and guilt trip her daughter into having her for xmas day. no parents has the right to emotionally manipulate their children for their own ends.

!!!!!!?! Mind games?:D

The OP's mother has dropped a couple of hints about being invited or Christmas lunch (and only because the OP hasn't done what would come naturally to most of us, and invite her parents to Christmas dinner upon discovering that her mum will be spending the morning cleaning at work).

I've spent the last fortnight dropping hints to my OH about things I'd like, to help him with Christmas shopping. I wouldn't consider ours to be an unhealthy relationship based on me playing "mind games" and "emotionally manipulating him"! Get a grip!

Abbafan1972

NEH wrote: »

Can I just point out that eating out on Christmas day is often cheaper than eating at home, given the over priced turkeys etc especially when there is only one or two of you.....

You will have to tell me where, as I can't see evidence of this! (Toby Carvery are charging £47.95 each for Xmas day).