Should I invite parents for Xmas?

aliasojo

dirtysexymonkey wrote: »

it seems to me as if the only reason shes now trying to guilt her daughter into inviting her to xmas dinner is because she cant be bothered to make her own/cant afford to pay someone else to do it.

she didnt bother with her daughter and grandchildren on the year she was free for xmas day/boxing day but now she cant be bothered she wants to be catered for. its as if shes quite literally using her daughter for a free xmas lunch and nothing more!

to me thats selfish and actually quite a horrible way to treat your children.

Looking at this from another angle, even if that is the case, would it be so very wrong?

I'm just thinking about my relationship with my son. I spent all of his life putting his needs before mine, I supported him at times when I really would have preferred to be elsewhere lol, I spent money I didn't really have on him etc etc.

If the occasion came up where I wanted or needed him to be there for me (and the situation was clearly more for my benefit rather than his) , I would damn well expect him to put himself out for me, whether he felt used on this particular instance or not.

It's not a tit for tat, it's an overall recognition of 'sometimes I'm there for you, sometimes you're there for me'.

Unless the OP's relationship with her Mum is so bad that it's clear things have always been one sided, then I really think this is one of those 'I'll be there for you' times.

And now, all this talk of Xmas dinner is making me hungry so I'm going to go make some toast. Even although I would really prefer some pigs in blankets, roast tatties and stuffing. :rotfl:

Marisco

dirtysexymonkey wrote: »

she said it in the op and subsequent posts in this thread.

I've read the 2 posts she made, and in the first she said "without giving us a second thought". That could mean she was asked, didn't want to go, and she was miffed that they still went? In the second she just moans about everything!! Husband "having" to help, dishwasher making a noise, doesn't like mum's cooking and cannot sleep!!! If it's only 3 miles away, why does anyone have to stay over anyway?? That's walkable at a push! I don't think anyone sleeps the same in a strange bed, I know I don't!! Maybe she wanted to get a jump on the day by doing the dishes early (and might have needed them for the meal!!) As for the cooking, then offer to do the "bits" that are not done "properly"!!

elvis86

dirtysexymonkey wrote: »

she had enough money to eat out for the last two years.

maybe the op has even less money - bringing up a disabled child isnt cheap you know! maybe the op wouldve gladly invited her mother but maybe her mother is selfish? she certainly sounds it!

What on earth does raising a disabled child have to do with this? Kudos to the OP if he is, but it's completely irrelevant to this.

"I have a disabled child, therefore I can't get 2 extra plates out of the cupboard and boil some more vegetables to accomodate my parents on Christmas Day.." ??

Marisco

aliasojo wrote: »

And now, all this talk of Xmas dinner is making me hungry so I'm going to go make some toast. Even although I would really prefer some pigs in blankets, roast tatties and stuffing. :rotfl:

Aw man, my stomach is really rumbling now!!! I can taste that turkey and "all the trimmings"!!!:D

Abbafan1972

January20 wrote: »

1. What is wrong with you hubby helping out in the kitchen?

2. Whatever you call it, yes you are getting a free turkey. Gifts are free.

3. You are an adult with her own family. If your parents want to book Christmas out without you, it's their right and their choice. Don't hold it against them. Perhaps your mum couldn't see herself cooking for many people?

4. Your mum won't be cooking.

5. Empty the dishwasher at a time that suits you and she won't do it at 5 am!

I've read your 2 posts and I just think your excuses are pathetic. I'm sorry but they are. You don't have to invite them. If you don't want them there, then don't invite them.

Wow! A lot of varied replies there. I don't understand the bit in red. We were in my Mom's house, we were in bed and my Mom was already up on Boxing day doing the dishwasher, the bedroom is directly above the kitchen.

My Mom's job is a bit of a sore subject. They are always phoning her up at short notice asking her to go in and cover for staff that are never there. I know it pi$$es off my Dad, as he's expected to drop her off at work at 7am, but the place is within walking distance.

She is supposed to be retired (they both are) and I know the job is affecting her health, (She's in her early 60's). But she won't listen. Obviously it's up to her what she spends the money on, but it only seems to be there to fund her ciggy habit.

CH27

aliasojo wrote: »

Looking at this from another angle, even if that is the case, would it be so very wrong?

I'm just thinking about my relationship with my son. I spent all of his life putting his needs before mine, I supported him at times when I really would have preferred to be elsewhere lol, I spent money I didn't really have on him etc etc.

If the occasion came up where I wanted or needed him to be there for me (and the situation was clearly more for my benefit rather than his) , I would damn well expect him to put himself out for me, whether he felt used on this particular instance or not.

It's not a tit for tat, it's an overall recognition of 'sometimes I'm there for you, sometimes you're there for me'.

Unless the OP's relationship with her Mum is so bad that it's clear things have always been one sided, then I really think this is one of those 'I'll be there for you' times.

And now, all this talk of Xmas dinner is making me hungry so I'm going to go make some toast. Even although I would really prefer some pigs in blankets, roast tatties and stuffing. :rotfl:

Shurrruuuupppppppp
I'm starving.

pelirocco

dirtysexymonkey wrote: »

just because someone gave birth to you doesnt mean they have the right to do whatever they want and be forgiven for it.

Forgiven? , for having a previous Christmas dinner at a restaurant ?:rotfl:


But good try in the trolling

dirtysexymonkey

aliasojo wrote: »

Looking at this from another angle, even if that is the case, would it be so very wrong?

I'm just thinking about my relationship with my son. I spent all of his life putting his needs before mine, I supported him at times when I really would have preferred to be elsewhere lol, I spent money I didn't really have on him etc etc.

If the occasion came up where I wanted or needed him to be there for me (and the situation was clearly more for my benefit rather than his) , I would damn well expect him to put himself out for me, whether he felt used on this particular instance or not.

It's not a tit for tat, it's an overall recognition of 'sometimes I'm there for you, sometimes you're there for me'.

Unless the OP's relationship with her Mum is so bad that it's clear things have always been one sided, then I really think this is one of those 'I'll be there for you' times.

And now, all this talk of Xmas dinner is making me hungry so I'm going to go make some toast. Even although I would really prefer some pigs in blankets, roast tatties and stuffing. :rotfl:

i think maybe its just a clash of cultures.

my parents have raised us all to not feel obligated to them for anything because they did what they were supposed to do. thats probably why all of us are really close.

there comes a time when parents arent the most important people in a childs life - especially after they themselves have children.

would you, for instance, expect your son to put himself (and his kids) out so you can have xmas dinner with them?

the thing thats really annoying me is the mind games the ops mother is playing, and the subsequent excuses that are being made for her.

she has no right to try and guilt trip her daughter into having her for xmas day. no parents has the right to emotionally manipulate their children for their own ends.

pelirocco

Abbafan1972 wrote: »

Wow! A lot of varied replies there. I don't understand the bit in red. We were in my Mom's house, we were in bed and my Mom was already up on Boxing day doing the dishwasher, the bedroom is directly above the kitchen.

My Mom's job is a bit of a sore subject. They are always phoning her up at short notice asking her to go in and cover for staff that are never there. I know it pi$$es off my Dad, as he's expected to drop her off at work at 7am, but the place is within walking distance.

She is supposed to be retired (they both are) and I know the job is affecting her health, (She's in her early 60's). But she won't listen. Obviously it's up to her what she spends the money on, but it only seems to be there to fund her ciggy habit.

Poor mum , getting up so early to clear up , should you not have cleared up for her the night before?

( the bit in red was to point out you wouldnt have that if you had your parents round your house )

This post doesnt actually help your case you know;)

dirtysexymonkey

pelirocco wrote: »

Forgiven? , for having a previous Christmas dinner at a restaurant ?:rotfl:


But good try in the trolling

it was perfectly clear that i was talking generally and not specifically.

you seem to be the only troll here at the moment.