Should I invite parents for Xmas?

aliasojo

Abbafan1972 wrote: »

My mom works in a nursing home as a cleaner and this year she's got to work Xmas Eve, Xmas Day, Monday and Tuesday.

On Xmas day she finishes at 11.00am. When she was telling me about it, she said. "So I suppose I'll have to cook dinner when I get in from work".

I usually get a Turkey from work, which is a gift from the MD. They are nice ones too. My Mom said to me "are you getting your free Turkey this year?" My Mom's words, I don't class it as free, I class it as a gift.

Anyway, It sounds as if she's poaching for an invite for Xmas day. It will just be me, hubby and 2 kids on the day.

So should I invite them? The reason why I'm asking this is because last year she wasn't working and they booked to go out for dinner both Xmas Day and Boxing Day without giving us a second thought. :mad:

Ok, the bit in green is the bit most people would see. This is the bit that most people would think, 'that's a shame having to work, I'll make things a bit easier for her by having her over for dinner'.

You see the bits in red.

This isn't about Xmas, it's about your attitude. You seem resentful and very 'tit for tat' towards your Mum. You took an innocent and perfectly reasonable comment about the 'free' turkey and turned it into something else in your head.

I have no idea if your Mum has treated you in such a way that explains why you are like this so I wont judge you on that. I just think you need to recognise that your feelings are not about dinner.

If inviting her means there will an atmosphere on the day, don't do it. Even Ebeneezer Scrooge deserved some peace on Xmas Day.

burnoutbabe

how come dad can't cook an xmas dinner? surely he could put the (prepared) turkey in the oven at the right time.

How come its one of the 2 women that have to cook the xmas dinner?

newcook

Sorry but I think you are being incredibly selfish!

So your parents went out for xmas dinner last year without asking you – boo hoo! Maybe they thought you would want a Christmas of just you and your family, maybe she fancied doing something completely different and eating out for xmas, maybe she did think of asking you but figured that at around £35-40 per head that you may not be able to afford it.

And now this year she is ‘angling for an invite’ after working a shift in a care home where some of the residents may only have each other for company xmas day.

If it was my mom she wouldn’t need to angle for an invite

CH27

I've always tried to treat my parents( mum died almost 3 yrs ago) now just Dad & in laws they way I want my son to treat me ie with respect & consideration.

I don't have a great relationship with my in laws but I respect the fact they are my OH's parents & son's grandparents.

mummyoftwomonkeys

Our parents wont be around forever and Christmas is a time for families to be together. I don't know what issues you have with your mum it sounds like there's something going on there but I would hope that if I had to work all over Christmas one of my kids would invite me over. Im sure your kids would like to spend time with the grandparents too.

magenta22

If you have a large turkey and cooking it anyway, would it hurt to dish up a couple of extra plates?

So saying, it is a pet peeve of mine when people hint about things, I would much prefer if they just asked!

Marisco

magenta22 wrote: »

If you have a large turkey and cooking it anyway, would it hurt to dish up a couple of extra plates?

So saying, it is a pet peeve of mine when people hint about things, I would much prefer if they just asked!

But don't you think that mum shouldn't have to hint? When daughter found out mum was working all over Xmas, and she had a free turkey, that the obvious thing would be to invite her over? I must say the op sounds very bitter about something!

dirtysexymonkey

Marisco wrote: »

But don't you think that mum shouldn't have to hint? When daughter found out mum was working all over Xmas, and she had a free turkey, that the obvious thing would be to invite her over? I must say the op sounds very bitter about something!

i think the op has every right to be annoyed that her mother is now angling for an invite for what seems like only a reason to save her from doing the cooking and a bit of money!

the fact is the op wasnt good enough to spend christmas day with when the mother had it off, but now she expects her daughter to accommodate her because shes working!

Marisco

dirtysexymonkey wrote: »

i think the op has every right to be annoyed that her mother is now angling for an invite for what seems like only a reason to save her from doing the cooking and a bit of money!

the fact is the op wasnt good enough to spend christmas day with when the mother had it off, but now she expects her daughter to accommodate her because shes working!

It's pretty obvious the mum hasn't got much money, I don't think anyone who is well off is going to be cleaning a nursing home all over the holidays! And would you feel like starting to cook after putting in a shift? It's one day fgs, I just hope mum doesn't read this thread, and finds out what daughter feels about her!! If I thought my daughter felt like this about me, I'd tell her to stick her dinner where the sun don't shine!!!

aliasojo

dirtysexymonkey wrote: »

i think the op has every right to be annoyed that her mother is now angling for an invite for what seems like only a reason to save her from doing the cooking and a bit of money!

the fact is the op wasnt good enough to spend christmas day with when the mother had it off, but now she expects her daughter to accommodate her because shes working!

I think you're being very unfair dsm. :undecided

I think most Mums would expect their offspring to offer an invite in this situation.

I also think that none of us know the background nor the reason why Mum went out herself last year. It could be anything from a simple 'want to spend the day by ourselves this year' to a reaction to previous family 'stuff'. Who knows.