Should I invite parents for Xmas?

dirtysexymonkey

elvis86 wrote: »

And the part about me playing games..?

Presumably by your logic, anyone who doesn't consider dropping a hint to be tantamount to mind games and emotional manipluation, is guilty of these things themselves? I can't think of any other way in which you might reach the conclusion that I personally play mind games. *baffled*

im quite sure that i put your example and the ops mothers example on two different levels. nothing tantamount there.

i consider that dropping hints is playing games. you dont. thats fine. doesnt mean that either of us is wrong.

please at least try and understand that.

POPPYOSCAR

dirtysexymonkey wrote: »

what bad behaviour is this that im excusing? a daughter not being obligated to accommodate her mother on xmas day and do exactly what she wants, as her mother does?

and do evidence your claims that im a troll. and note that im not resorting to your level of personal insults, however tempted i am.;)

I agree, she should not feel obligated to have her mum and dad if she does not want to. She has to consider her immediate family first IMO.

Marisco

dirtysexymonkey wrote: »

im pretty sure thats exactly what i said. im glad we agree.:D

So this thread could have been wrapped up in half a page??:eek::D The op came on to get advice about what to do, the consensus seems to be that she should invite them over, I hope she comes back to let us know what she is actually going to do.

dirtysexymonkey

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

I agree, she should not feel obligated to have her mum and dad if she does not want to. She has to consider her immediate family first IMO.

yup! some people seem to think that the op should consider her mother before her own children!

emma12345

To go back to the original subject, it sounds like you don't really want to invite your parents but think about the pros and cons anyway.

Pros: They would only be coming for a few hours. They might help with the children and give them love and attention. You could ask them to bring one course to help, the dessert for example. More people to chat with. You would feel great about yourself and may feel guilty if you didn't ask them.

Cons: Extra work. Feeling manipulated into it.

That's my take on it but you need to think about it and make your own decision. But it's only one day, it's probably not worth getting too stressed about and unless your parents are really awful I'd just go with whatever is easiest.

blue_monkey_2

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Would he be allowed into a battered women refuge though?

Just out of interest is there no place for battered men to go? If not what do they do then?

They have no refuges as such, for battered men.

Social Services have safe houses for men who are subject to domestic abuse, the children usually go with him.

My male friend is having this problem and I told him to speak to SS and this is what they have said they can do for him. They will also arrange to get an injunction sorted so the woman can no longer enter the house and then he can go back home with the children.

blue_monkey_2

And to the person who made a comparison with 'Xmas present hints', mind games and domestic violence - well shame on you. Your comment was disgusting and made light of what is a very serious issue, that many men suffer in silence with because of the shame they feel. And you have a need to liken this with hints for Xmas presents. When you know someone in this this situation, maybe you will not be so quick to make 'jokes' about it.

elvis86

blue_monkey wrote: »

And to the person who made a comparison with 'Xmas present hints', mind games and domestic violence - well shame on you. Your comment was disgusting and made light of what is a very serious issue, that many men suffer in silence with because of the shame they feel. And you have a need to liken this with hints for Xmas presents. When you know someone in this this situation, maybe you will not be so quick to make 'jokes' about it.

Disgusting? Really. Get over yourself. I was making an example of how nonsensical another poster's claims were.

sassyblue

elvis86 wrote: »

Thank you from the bottom of my heart, you've made me realise what a deeply emotionally manipulative person I am, and how unhealthy and damaging my relationship with my my OH is. As soon as I see him tonight, I'll be instructing him to go check in to a battered women's hostel, so that he can escape me and my evil Christmas present hints, and slowly start to rebuild his life.

Outrageous, as usual. I'm not sure why you frequent these relationship boards when you have nothing to offer except sarcasm and abuse.

notakid

blue_monkey wrote: »

And to the person who made a comparison with 'Xmas present hints', mind games and domestic violence - well shame on you. Your comment was disgusting and made light of what is a very serious issue, that many men suffer in silence with because of the shame they feel. And you have a need to liken this with hints for Xmas presents. When you know someone in this this situation, maybe you will not be so quick to make 'jokes' about it.

It was obvious that the poster who made that comparison believed in was a ludicious comparison and was being sarky rather than making any real valid point.

Surely you could see that? I can't believe you would get affronted! Don't you think your reaction also trivalises the whole issue?