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Should I invite parents for Xmas?
Comments
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POPPYOSCAR wrote: »I agree, she should not feel obligated to have her mum and dad if she does not want to. She has to consider her immediate family first IMO.
Surely your parents are your immediate family?0 -
neverdespairgirl wrote: »Perhaps he's like my father. If he is, we'd have beans on toast for the meal.
Or like mine after his strokes last year....the house would be blown to smithereens after he has turned the gas oven on, and then forgotten to light it only for someone to then turn a light switch on and kapow!
It's become a daily question "Can you smell gas?" "Dad, have you been near the cooker again?" :rotfl:We made it! All three boys have graduated, it's been hard work but it shows there is a possibility of a chance of normal (ish) life after a diagnosis (or two) of ASD. It's not been the easiest route but I am so glad I ignored everything and everyone and did my own therapies with them.
Eldests' EDS diagnosis 4.5.10, mine 13.1.11 eekk - now having fun and games as a wheelchair user.0 -
Oldernotwiser wrote: »Surely your parents are your immediate family?
No, not to me.
My OH and my children come before anyone else.0 -
If you have to ask the question, you have answered it yourself - by asking it shows that you don't want to invite them!
Had you wanted to invite them, there would not have been this thread!
Personally, if my daughter had invited me just because she thought she "should", then I would run a million miles in the opposite direction!
Let them have Christmas by themselves and you have Christmas by yourselves ....they might have enjoyed themselves with you and your family, you and your family might have had a good time with them - but it's not going to happen because you don't want them with you!
Sad - but there it is. You obviously have your reasons.
There's some good points there. Changing our plans for my brother is something I'm happy to do, even if it means lots of extra work. I like the idea that someone I love faced a lonely/dull Christmas but that I can change that and make sure the day is a celebration. And if his girlfriend comes too (she's from Sweden so has no family around) I'm happy to cook a coeliac meal and go to the extra trouble so that she will feel taken care of and fully welcomed. I want to do things that make the people I love feel loved, because I love them.
If I had them around out of a sense of duty or guilt it would be a crap day from start to finish. I'd resent them, cooking would be a pain, rushing about buying things beforehand would annoy me. I'd be annoyed if they didn't help in the kitchen or if they were 20 minutes late. I'd be p'd off if I made a special cake but they didn't like it. We wouldn't have a laugh afterwards watching movies or playing games. Then they'd go home and I'd resent them.
So I guess you have to ask yourself why your initial reaction is the latter one. Why do innocent comments from your mother rub you up the wrong way so badly? Are you just being intolerant or is there something more to it? Do you love your mother? Do you want to have a good relationship with her? Are you even bothered? I think you need to have a think about why your initial reaction to the thought of having them over is so very negative.0 -
POPPYOSCAR wrote: »No, not to me.
My OH and my children come before anyone else.
That's not the same thing though.0 -
POPPYOSCAR wrote: »No, not to me.
My OH and my children come before anyone else.
They are still your immediate family; because they are related in the first instance...by the very nature of being your parents.If you haven't got it - please don't flaunt it. TIA.0 -
Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »They are still your immediate family; because they are related in the first instance...by the very nature of being your parents.
I'm guessing she means they aren't her 'nuclear' family anymore, they're not part of her immediate family unit.0 -
I would rather invite everyone than leave anyone out, but then I actually like my family
Somehow it always end up at my house- and I end up cooking about 3 different variations of Christmas dinner. I'm veggie, my mum insists on turkey but her partner doesn't like it so he gets fish. Phew.
This year we've also got my BIL's parents coming as it's my neice's first Christmas and they didn't want to miss out (nor would I want them to). I've only met them a handful of times but my attitude is, the more the merrier.
The only thing I have had to do is discuss the issue of cost. In previous years DH and I have paid the lot, bar the odd bottle of wine/ box of chocs donation. But this year we just don't think it is right (it's the 3rd year in a row) and have delegated. Each couple is buying something, we're just sorting the veggie main and all the trimmings.
I cannot wait :jSaving for an early retirement!0 -
Oldernotwiser wrote: »That's not the same thing though.Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »They are still your immediate family; because they are related in the first instance...by the very nature of being your parents.
I agree - my "immediate family" consists of OH, our son, my parents, my sisters, my brother, and my brother-in-law.
After that, extended family time - uncles, second cousins, etc....much enquiry having been made concerning a gentleman, who had quitted a company where Johnson was, and no information being obtained; at last Johnson observed, that 'he did not care to speak ill of any man behind his back, but he believed the gentleman was an attorney'.0 -
I would rather invite everyone than leave anyone out, but then I actually like my family
Somehow it always end up at my house- and I end up cooking about 3 different variations of Christmas dinner. I'm veggie, my mum insists on turkey but her partner doesn't like it so he gets fish. Phew.
Sounds great fun!
Care has to be taken cooking in my family too, as one of my sisters is veggie, and the other is a coeliac. But it all winds up fine in the end!...much enquiry having been made concerning a gentleman, who had quitted a company where Johnson was, and no information being obtained; at last Johnson observed, that 'he did not care to speak ill of any man behind his back, but he believed the gentleman was an attorney'.0
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