Problem with sons father.

vik6525

I just feel weird talking about money with anyone!! Ive tried hinting to him a couple of times that he should maybe contribute towards school uniform, or pe kit etc, but he never seems to take the hint!
Ex doesnt actually live with his mum and dad, he owns his own home. It was the family home, but when we split up my son and i went to live with my parents. He just seems to decamp to his parents house every weekend with our son!
Dont get me wrong, despite how it may sound, I absolutly 100% want my son to have a fantastic relationship with my exs' parents, they are really decent people. Its just that I didnt realise how little the ex does for my son. When the little one comes back on a monday, and I ask him how his weekend was, he either says 'I cant remember', or 'we went to nanny and grandpas'...
I always assumed that he went to VISIT nanny and grandpa, not blinking well stayed there all weekend!
Anyway! I have absolutly no idea whatsoever at all as to how much I should ask for!!!

vik6525

Thanks for that smashing! I would click your 'thank you' but the button seems to have disappeared!

Smashing

Requesting child support is not 'revenge' or punishment - it is his responsibility and seeing that he meets this does not mean that you think he is a bad father or that you don't want your son to have a positive relationship with him.

vik6525

Thats my problem you see.. I'd feel like I was going begging to him or something! Oh its daft, but ive always been the same. Even when I was a kid I'd never ask my parents to lend me a quid, even though I knew I'd get it! lol

Smashing

Well, don't think of it as being payment to you, simply payment for him, only he's too young to spend or save it, so you'll just have to do it for him.

vik6525

LOL! It would just be nice to have a bit of a contribution from him, no matter how small, just to show hes taking some kind of responsibility...

djdido2

Wow this sounds so much like my ex. He does not spend much time with DD but when he does it is his mother that is doing all the running for him. They love her too bits too but she is knocking 70 and has a husband that is suffering from Parkinsons Disease and he needs round the clock care. I think my ex is putting on his parents, when he could be taking the responsibility himself.

I also do not like asking for money but if I were you I'd broach the subject asap. I realise you are not trying to bleed him dry but there are things you will need for your child!

Hope he is better btw.

x
Dido

thesaint

vik6525 wrote:

thanks for the lovely helpful advice there...
For your information...
Ex has a fantastic girlfriend who loves my son very much.
Ex obviously cant dictate what my son does during the week, unless youre suggesting I take the little one out of school and start going to the park with him every day.
Ive always had a problem with him not paying for his son, however, as I said, I Assumed he was paying for most things on the weekend so I let it slide a little.
Thank you for your wonderful tips on how to communicate with my child.
I asked for advice, not a critique of my parenting skills.

You decided to put all of the other information in your post. If you started a thread, asking what you are entitled to it would've been different, but you didn't. What narks you is that your son is at his grandparents, all of a sudden your ex has to pay. Whether your ex or his mum pays at the weekend is irrelevant.

vik6525

Thing is with my ex though, is that he has a very, um, how shall I say this, 'strong willed' mother, and whilst its great that she wants to do everything for my son, I feel that the ex needs to take a step forward and step up to the fun and challenge of having a wonderful son instead of letting his mum take over. I could see the dynamic of his relationship with his mum last week in the hospital, instead of letting my ex do things I asked him to do for my son, she pretty much barged him out of the way to do them herself...
But, when all is said and done, I cant do anything about that, but im wondering if he doesnt think to pay anything, simply because on the weekend he isnt the one with the responsibility if you see what I mean?

vik6525

thesaint wrote:

You decided to put all of the other information in your post. If you started a thread, asking what you are entitled to it would've been different, but you didn't. What narks you is that your son is at his grandparents, all of a sudden your ex has to pay. Whether your ex or his mum pays at the weekend is irrelevant.

Why bother replying yet again to this thread? As I said, I asked for advice, you have none, just a wonderful critique of the person you percieve me to be, so why keep coming back to this?