Problem with sons father.

vik6525

OK, this may get a wee bit long so bear with me!
My DS was in hospital all last week, and as a result, I was forced to spend time with, and talk to his father for the first time in ages! What came out was that when my little un goes to his dads every weekend, his father actually does bog all with him. He takes my little un up to his parents house, and they spend all weekend there. If my ex wants to go out, then he does and just leaves DS with his parents, and it seems to be that he doesnt really seem that interested in him. He certainly loves him, I cant deny that, but it seems that exs' mother is the one who does all the work.
Anyway... the money saving bit! The ex doesnt pay me a penny towards our son. I never thought to ask him, because I always assumed he payed on the weekend, but as it turns out, he doesnt. Hes a college lecturer, and told me last week that he earns £15 an hour, whereas Im a part time shop assistant, earning minimum wage. By spending all his time with ds at his parents house, it means hes not even paying for gas, electric etc for the little un.
Im not sure what to do, and please, if you think you can give some advice, then do, and feel free to ask any questions as I know Ive been a bit waffly!
Cheers!
vik xx

black-saturn

Does he pay to the CSA?

kelloggs36

Claim through the CSA if he won't pay you through a private agreement - use it as leverage towards a settlement. He will probably play ball if he thinks they will get involved. Anyway, even if he does have your children every weekend, he will get a reduction so you should still claim for the rest of the week.

Jet

Even if he was feeding your son and heating a house at the weekends, he still should be contributing to his keep during the week. What about clothes? School trips, dinner money, school shoes, club money, etc, etc,?

If he's salaried, go through the CSA if he won't pay you. If his parents are decent people, they won't condone their son not supporting their grandson, so hopefully, they will still stay in your little boys life.

BTW, my ex does nothing with my son when he visits either! For goodness sake, it won't be long before they've grown up and left home - what's the matter with some men!

vik6525

black-saturn wrote:

Does he pay to the CSA?

He literally pays NOTHING! As I said, I always assumed that he paid to take the little un out on the weekend and stuff, so I never bothered to push it. But over the course of the week it came out that my son doesnt even sleep over in his dads house on weekends. Im really angry, not just about the money thing, but with the whole situation, cause it seems that my exs' mother is the one spending time with, and paying for my son on the weekend. And to say that the two of us never got along is an understatement... aherm.
I just want to shake my ex and make him realise that HE'S the parent, and as a result needs to act as such.

black-saturn

Yes make a claim through the CSA now. If he disputes it say you need the money for the child. If he's earning as much as he says he is he can afford it.

vik6525

Thing is, its not the money per say, its the principle. My ex used to work for the csa, so he know the system inside out, and how to avoid paying etc. Even if he just offered to, i dont know, pay for the little ones school dinners, or uniform or something it would be a help and a start, but the ex is notoriously tight, to the point that my son has told me that if they DO go out on the weekend, his dad wont even buy him a bag of chips. The only thing he'll do with the little one is take him to the football, but thats cause hes a massive football fan, and would go regardless of whether my son wanted to or not.

Oldernotwiser

I wonder why you've never discussed what happens at the weekend with your child? I'd have thought that when you get him back you'd be chatting about "what did you and daddy do this weekend?" as a normal thing.

I wouldn't worry too much about doing things that cost money; theme parks are full of divorced dads spending "guilt " money on their children. Spending normal time together with the extended family may well be a better and more natural thing to do. On the other hand you certainly need to get the question of maintenance sorted out; whether through the CSA or privately.

Oldernotwiser

black-saturn wrote:

Yes make a claim through the CSA now. If he disputes it say you need the money for the child. If he's earning as much as he says he is he can afford it.

College lecturers may earn £15 per hour but they're generally teaching less than 22 hours per week and don't get paid in the holidays. That's not to say that he doesn't earn more than the OP but he wouldn't be earning this hourly rate for 35/7 hours a week. A full time lecturer only teaches 22 hours per week (although there are other duties).

vik6525

If you knew my son then you'd realise that he doesnt tell us ANYTHING! lol. he gets home and I say 'how was daddies, what did you do' and he goes 'nothing'... same with school!
Im not concerned that they dont do things thats cost money etc, Id hate to see my son come home with new toys etc every week cause his dad felt guilty. what I do want however is for his father to actually take responsibilty for his son. Not just financially, but in every way. I dont want my son relying on his grandparents for the things his father should be providing. I talked this over with a friend of mine yesterday, and as he said, my sons dad has all the benefits of having a biological child, but none of the responsibilities.

vik6525

Oldernotwiser wrote:

College lecturers may earn £15 per hour but they're generally teaching less than 22 hours per week and don't get paid in the holidays. That's not to say that he doesn't earn more than the OP but he wouldn't be earning this hourly rate for 35/7 hours a week. A full time lecturer only teaches 22 hours per week (although there are other duties).

sons dad works 9 to 4, four days a week, and 9 til 2 on the other day.. So yes, he does earn a HELL of a lot more than me!!!!