18 year old refuses to pay keep, college money going on his enjoyment!!

Ames

I'm surprised no-one's mentioned it yet, but the standard used to be 1/3 of income. That's what I had to pay to my parents when I first got benefits (I've been disabled since childhood). I think that's a fair amount in this case. I'd include 1/3 of the 1k too, speaking as someone who spent everything and then some at his age.

ktb

My goodness teenagers can be manipulative and selfish, and I say that as a 32 year old woman who could, at her worst be both of those things! I can remember holding my parents to ransom with threats about quitting school etc and they would always buckle, as I knew they would, because they were terrified of being responsible for ruining my prospects. But the fact of the matter is that the best life lessons are learnt through NOT always getting your way and anyone who has had a half decent upbringing will always see sense in the end.

At 18 he can decide for himself what he wants to spend (or waste) his money on to be honest - but YOU have the choice not to become an accessory to that & inadvertently support him in his foolish decision, by telling him that if he decides gets the tattoo and isn't prepared to pay you any keep, then you aren't prepared to have him under your roof any longer. But you have to be prepared to follow through, no matter what he threatens. Obviously if he wants to stay put and pay keep - you will be happy to support his very respectable decision to attend college & better his prospects. The choice is his!

For me the biggest issue here is that he seems to take you completely for granted and doesn't seem to appreciate the support you obviously have given him in life so far. That is what would upset me the most and I personally think he might need a wake up call to to start appreciating what he has, especially as he won't find things so easy once he has spanked £1000 on a tattoo and has to pay rent elsewhere without the home comforts that living with Mum & Dad affords. Be strong and you may well find that you get a nicer, more appreciative son in the long term.

jayII

I thought child benefit and CTC were paid until the age of 20 as long as the young person is studying for a further education qualification?

They do stop at age 20, or when someone starts a further education (university level) course.

It can hard being a 'child' in a step family. I was one myself and I could not do A-levels or go to university as my parent and step parent were unwilling to support me through further education (this was in the 80's so my degree/living expenses would have been fully funded by the state).

swampduck

I assume that the grant of £1000 is the bursary payment that has replaced EMA. In which case the payment of £1000 will not materialise - most likely he will get an initial £150 or so and the rest in instalments of maybe 4 or 5 payments.
In the college where I work, students can apply for additional payments from the Bursary Fund - but it is the colleges' discretion which decides how much if any he should get and is of course subject to form filling and meeting the criteria eg benefits or extenuating circumstances like moving out of family home or having a large number of siblings etc.

Whatever the circumstances - it's time your son grew up!! Even if you were to support him through college that need not be anymore than providing a roof over his head and three meals a day (after all that wont change from what is happening now - all be it that you get child benefit for him now)
I assume he has clothes now and if he wears these until they turn into rags - would he be any different from other students? Plenty of students I see on a day to day basis look like their clothes have seen better days - but they are at college to study - not be in a fashion show.
But I digress - lessons need to be learnt. He is capable of operating a washing machine and learning that he cannot take you for granted. If he wants you to ferry him around then that needs to stop so he pays for a taxi or failing that walks, catches a bus or cycles. Life need not be quite so comfortable for him if he going to be ungrateful for everything you have done for him to date or if he throws a childish tantrum.
After all he can always leave home - mates might put him up for a night or two but they certainly wont keep him indefinitely and it might be worth pointing out that he could jeopardising his future by being such a total plank!!

Swampy

jayII

http://www.hmrc.gov.uk/childbenefit/keep-up-to-date/when-child-aged-16/child-16.htm

Child stays in education or training






You can carry on getting Child Benefit for your child up until their 20th birthday, if they're in education or training that counts for Child Benefit. Education or training counts for Child Benefit as long as it's either of the following:

• full-time, 'non-advanced' education (for example 'A' levels)
• 'approved' training

Your child needs to have started, enrolled or been accepted for one of these types of courses before the age of 19.




AND

http://www.hmrc.gov.uk/taxcredits/start/who-qualifies/children/children-taxcredits.htm

When you can claim for a child





You can usually claim Child Tax Credit for:

• a new baby
• any child who lives with you, until 31 August after their 16th birthday
• children under 20, if they're in certain types of education or training

The above applies unless he is doing a further education type course.

Apart from all that, I fully agree that he should be helping out around the house, my two (16 and 18) each cook an evening meal once a week, help out generally when asked, help with weekly cleaning, and generally do their fair share of all the household chores.

HomeMum_2

Gigglepig wrote: »

I'd give him two options:

1) He is over 18, he can do what he likes with his money, move out and support himself
2) He can continue to stay in your house, but your house=your rules. I.e. college grant will go in savings account/be spent on laptop/books, and he'll pay a certain % keep out of his wages.

If you can afford it, put the money he pays you as keep in a separate account (but do not tell him) and let him have it as a gift when he is older and wiser and perhaps needs it to put a deposit down on a house.

I agree with the above post. Whilst i DO understand totally that live is a struggle, and you worry that you wont manage without the child benefit, child tax that you get for your DS, you WILL adjust. We have seven children, and are now down to the final 3 at home and each time one has left i have felt the impact of the loss of child benefit, tax credit, maintenance etc. BUT i chose to have my darling children, never as a source of income but because i WANTED them, and once they became 18 (even though occasionally you wonder WHY you had the little darlings....:mad:) i still wanted to help support them. Its hard out there, we have a low income, only one wage as i am a sahm, through personal choice, and i dont want them to struggle too much at the moment as sadly they may well have a lifetime of hardships so mum and dad are here to help when/if we can.
It IS his money, he can spend it on whatever he wishes, although perhaps you could explain that you are finding it hard, and really need him to use his bursary sensibly, to help you to help him.
As for keep, i would take perhaps a tenner a week if he earns £40, (actually i really wouldnt take anything, but if you are determined to then thats a more realistic figure than 30!!! :eek:) and put it away in a savings account for him, as it will only get tougher out there....
Good luck, money is the source of all evil. Life is far easier in our house, there is very little money, so very little to argue over!!!:rotfl::rotfl:

*Louise*

scheming_gypsy wrote: »

Are you thinking that as an adult who's been working for x years, paying bills, scrimping and saving and running a home.... Or as an 18 year old still living at home and probably never had to worry too much about paying bills? who's being given £1000


give your average teenager £1000 and they'll think of things to spend it on. Give it to an adult who's working for a living and doesn't have money to throw about and they'll make the most of it

^^Agree with that, I think he is serious about it.

That's also the reason a lot of child trust funds will be blown when the country's children turn 18, I thought 21 would have been a more sensible age

OP - do you know if he will get it in a lump sum or if it will be broken down into a few payments?

January20

dirtysexymonkey wrote: »

apparently not in this case! i always find it interesting when a parent who doesnt work posts about getting their child (still in ft education) to contribute. they never understand the irony of it.

Actually DSM, it's got nothing to do whether the OP works or not, and if she doesn't work as in "has a job outside home that brings in a wage", then she could be a SAHM who is looking after younger children. She could have numerous reasons for not working and you, as a rather long standing user of these boards, should know by now that you shouldn't judge too quickly as posters don't tell us the whole story in the first or first few posts!

Anyway, as I was saying, it has nothing to do with the OP working or not, it is to do with a 19 year old who is legally an adult, has a source of income, a very comfortable life at home and is refusing to pay anything towards his keep. This is a young man who expects to be taxied around, have his food bought for him and his meals cooked, his laundry done, no doubt not lifting a finger at home, whilst he uses whatever money he has to have fun. He needs to start learning that he has responsibilities and that others do not have to pay for his choices. It will make his life less difficult in the long term and possibly his relationships too.

And for your information, the OP could be working and still receiving benefits if her and her partner are on a low wage.

But I suppose for you DSM, as usual, it is more fun to just jump in there with both feet and judge the OP. It's easy when you're a 20 something with little life experience and no real responsibilities!

Candy53

The fact is, he is 18, which by law makes him an adult, although I don't think they're mature enough to be classed as adults at that age. But, he is, so would he stand for you telling him what to do, say trying to stop him going out or something? No, he would remind you that he is an adult and can do what he likes.

So, you have to make him realize then that part of him being an adult is taking some responsibility towards his keep. I agree that £30 is too much, so what about say £10 a week, and once he became used to, and accepts that he has to do this, it might help him to grow up. And as for the tattoo, if he does go ahead with it, say to him 'Do you want gravy with that? Because you've just spent your food allowance!'

Candy.

Hootie19

jamespir wrote: »

how do you know he does not need an apple for his course ??/

Agree - my son is doing media at college involving lots of video editing, etc (and incidentally, minus the tattoo, that could be MY son in the OP!!!) and although he *could* have got away with not having his own Mac, it has made his life so much easier for having one.

We viewed it as an investment in his future - it will go with him to University next year and will also be a "tool" for him to take to any future employment (fingers crossed he finds something - the industry is so ultra competitive!)

Our son has got a student loan of about £800 a term. It really doesn't work out an awful lot to live on. Jobs are like rocking horse manure round here, so he's not been able to find anything to top his loans up. Yes, I beleive that over 18s should, where possible, contribute to expenses, but hey - they're students. They need a BIT of life outside of studying.