18 year old refuses to pay keep, college money going on his enjoyment!!

Geordie_bear

ciderwithrosie wrote: »

When my oldest 2 were at college, they had weekend jobs in Tesco and were earning about £300 a month in the beginning, they were expected to contribute £30 a month each to the household. Out of their earnings they bought some of their own clothes, their lunches, paid for social events and their own phones. They both went on lads holidays 2 years running so I figured if they could afford to do that, I wasn't keeping them short of funds.

It teaches them nothing of the real world not charging them anything and if they want to be treated as adults then they have to start behaving like adults. They only have 2.5 days at college anyway these days.

It's all very well whoever said parents should be saving in advance for their children's further education but when you have 3 kids and low wages there is no spare money to put by for something that may or may not happen in the future, money left after bills got spent on other things like clothes, shoes, school trips, out of school activities, not funding parents treats and takeaways!

DS3 is at college now and is trying really hard to find a part-time job, he had a paper round for 3 years and worked in a Chinese takeaway for a little while - it's all got a lot harder to get anything though since the other two were that age. If I'm funding all his needs/wants then I expect him to help out when I ask him to though, washing up, running the hoover round, putting the shopping away etc, that's all good training for his future too.

Indeed but life is really tough for youngsters especially now a days parents should insist on teaching their kids the value of saving. My parents didn't need or want my board they just wanted to see me have money to afford a house when older and save. That £50 a month soon mounted up & I was able to afford a deposit on a house & avoid the renting trap. :T

adelight

If he's gonna be working two days a week earning £80 then him contributing should be no problem! How much would be reasonable? To cover basic food and bills that he costs you? £30 a week? Explain to him you can't afford to look after him and tell him to contribute!

System

and I'm sure Geordie_bear that should your parents ever be in financial need, and you have money and they don't , that you too will give them a helping hand.

but that's not really the issue here, the issue is that these parents can't afford to keep another adult in food, lodgings and all the other things he wants.

January20

lauraann wrote: »

lol he doesnt pay anything like you said above, I supply all his clothes, toiletries and I also taxi him about

well, isn't that the answer? If he refuses to pay anything for his keep, you stop buying his clothes, his toiletries and he can walk or use public transport. In addition, do not buy any special foods for him and do not do his laundry. He is 19. He is legally an adult and there are boys younger than him in the army for instance.

Frankly, and I'm not trying to be nasty saying this, it sounds like you have spoiled him. My dd is nearly 19 and from the day she started getting EMA, things changed and she had to buy certain things with it. Then when she wanted more things, she started doing a lot of babysitting until she finally got a part-time job at the beginning of this year. From then on she had to pay for all her clothes and make-up, gig tickets and various entertainment (and yes she was in FT education). Now she is taking a year out and working full-time on minimum wage, she pays me board every week. It's not a huge amount, but it covers the increase in council tax etc, it leaves her enough to really enjoy this year out, and teaches her that in life you have to pay your way.

As for those who say that CHB should be saved up for the children later, if only! In a perfect world where people wouldn't need this money! It is given by the government to be use to bring up children and honestly, if you have enough money to save it up for 18 years, you really shouldn't be receiving it!

lovinituk

I paid £25 a week board to my parents 20 years ago when I was earning (whilst still in education and after) and never once questioned it and was happy to contribute!!

If the grant mentioned by the OP is one that doesn't have to be paid back then it would be down right disgusting for the son to spend it on anything that is not essential to his course. I'm sick of hearing about students spending their grants on things that have nothing to do with the course or essential living costs. If they can afford to p*ss it up the wall on luxuries, then they don't need it in the first place! Are these grants that require no repayment coming from government funds? I would imagine a small fortune could be saved if they stopped paying out to the students that waste it.

ciderwithrosie_2

Geordie_bear wrote: »

Indeed but life is really tough for youngsters especially now a days parents should insist on teaching their kids the value of saving. My parents didn't need or want my board

That's the difference isn't it, you were lucky to have parents who were OK financially. You can only save, if you have money spare. Life isn't just tough for youngsters these days, parents are struggling too, that's why most of us found this forum. Whereas 30 years ago, a husband would have earned enough to keep a family on allowing his wife to stay home or have a pin money job, now both parents have to work just to survive. If an adult is living at home still then they should be contributing however they can, whether it's paying keep or doing chores.

jamespir

lauraann wrote: »

lining our pockets, I don't think so, he said he is getting an apple mac or tattoo with the money, all of his money goes on his lifestyle, I am not doing it to make money how dare you, we have done everything for him, even our internet is the top package as when we had a lower allowance for it he used it all up in 5 days when it was supposed to last a month, I would not have money off him for no reason, in an ideal world I would save any money that he gave for his keep and give it back in a lump sum when he left college but unfortunately we cannot afford to do that !

it seems like you find it difficult to assert your authority and hes been getting away with stuff

if my child used up the whole internet usage in 5 days id take it out and sell the computer not raise the budget

dirtysexymonkey

ciderwithrosie wrote: »

That's the difference isn't it, you were lucky to have parents who were OK financially. You can only save, if you have money spare. Life isn't just tough for youngsters these days, parents are struggling too, that's why most of us found this forum. Whereas 30 years ago, a husband would have earned enough to keep a family on allowing his wife to stay home or have a pin money job, now both parents have to work just to survive. If an adult is living at home still then they should be contributing however they can, whether it's paying keep or doing chores.

apparently not in this case! i always find it interesting when a parent who doesnt work posts about getting their child (still in ft education) to contribute. they never understand the irony of it.

newcook

Im another who agrees that if he isn’t going to contribute then he can wash his own clothes, buy his own gig tickets, sort out his own transport, mobile phone bill, toiletries etc

If he wants a lift anywhere, charge him a little bit less than a local taxi firm (don’t forget to get the money upfront!), he wants his clothes clean and ironed then charge by the bag or per item (think my local launderette charges £5 per bag max 15 items)
If his credit on his phone has run out then tough, he can wait til payday to add credit (put a pin lock on the landline to avoid large bills)

Mojisola

All the power is in your hands. If he's living at home, he has to contribute to the household, both financially and by doing his share of the housework. If he doesn't like it, get him to look at finding his own place and how that compares with living at home.