18 year old refuses to pay keep, college money going on his enjoyment!!

richardw

He has a part time job and should contribute to his keep. He doesn't need a tattoo and an Apple computer. There are plenty of secondhand Windows computers available.

jamespir

richardw wrote: »

He has a part time job and should contribute to his keep. He doesn't need a tattoo and an Apple computer. There are plenty of secondhand Windows computers available.

how do you know he does not need an apple for his course ??/

Gillyx

scheming_gypsy wrote: »

he's an 18 year old student :whistle:

Normally they're dousing themselves in Lynx at every opportunity though, on the premise the women from the ads will actually fall for them.

londonsurrey

I suspect he's been getting away with too much for too long. It's interesting in your post that he "tells" you things, and you "ask" him things. Then your husband states his case, and your son thinks it's appropriate to throw a temper tantrum.

It sounds like you're attempting to people please. You will have to make a decision as to whether being nice is what's important to you, or teaching your son adult responsibility. The ironic thing is that this has come to a head as a result of the government officially recognising him as reaching the age of an adult.

So, adults pay a reasonable amount of what they can afford, even if it's a token £10 a week. It's simple respect. As for what he wants to spend the rest of the money on, it's his call. If he would rather have a full sleeve tattoo, and is too stupid to think that it makes him a man to have a permanent badge of him spending money on himself rather than to see his mother right, paying his way in the world, living off other people, and that's his idea of being a man, then it's his choice. It doesn't matter if he decides to throw a temper tantrum.

If he wants to be a little boy, then mummy gets to tell him how to spend his money.
If he wants to be a man, then he should behave like a man.

richardw

jamespir wrote: »

how do you know he does not need an apple for his course ??/

He hasn't said he needs one because the course is to be a Mac ArtWorker/Graphic designer or similar, just that 'everyone has one'.

System

No you're not mean!

"We have a low income and struggle and there is no way we can afford to support him when he turns 19 next year"

He's an 18 year old student, then he'll be a 19 year old student... then he'll be ... what? able to manage his own money? no he won't and you will be in debt yourself. He's an adult, help him grow up.... if he wants to stay living at home he needs to 'replace' the money (child benefit at very least) that you receive at the moment to help support him.

property.advert

My gut feeling is that the parents have had nearly two decades to put something away for his education but didn't or couldn't be bothered, presumably thinking that the taxpayer would fund their offspring's education. A few less nights in the pub or fewer takeaways come ready meals would have paid for this.

However, the kid actually has a job, which is more than most layabout teenagers going to college. If he didn't have the job, the parents would be getting more demands for financial assistance. I think he is doing his part to be honest. The tattoo would be a deal breaker though. Awful and permanent reminder of a stupid decision but in this case, with money tight all around, it isn't a rational choice.

I agree with him using the grant for what he needs but if the parents keep banging on the drum about a couple of quid here and there then he's going to be even less receptive to any suggestions. It is the parents job to feed and clothe their kids and that continues while they are at home and in education. If they are rational with him, just perhaps he might see some sense.

redbull5

simple - £50 per month on rent, but with conditions that he helps with housework. And the condition that he doenst spend the £1000 on a tatoo.

If he spends the 1k on the tatoo, make him pay £40, if he can afford 1k tatoo then he can afford £40 a week.

Both party's have to play fair and come to an agreement, so it benefits both sides

HappyMJ

property.advert wrote: »

My gut feeling is that the parents have had nearly two decades to put something away for his education but didn't or couldn't be bothered, presumably thinking that the taxpayer would fund their offspring's education. A few less nights in the pub or fewer takeaways come ready meals would have paid for this.

However, the kid actually has a job, which is more than most layabout teenagers going to college. If he didn't have the job, the parents would be getting more demands for financial assistance. I think he is doing his part to be honest. The tattoo would be a deal breaker though. Awful and permanent reminder of a stupid decision but in this case, with money tight all around, it isn't a rational choice.

I agree with him using the grant for what he needs but if the parents keep banging on the drum about a couple of quid here and there then he's going to be even less receptive to any suggestions. It is the parents job to feed and clothe their kids and that continues while they are at home and in education. If they are rational with him, just perhaps he might see some sense.

The kid is no longer a kid. He is an adult. Big difference. I'm in my 30's. Can I return home and expect my mother to feed and clothe me whilst I return to college and retrain? No chance.

dirtysexymonkey

HappyMJ wrote: »

The kid is no longer a kid. He is an adult. Big difference. I'm in my 30's. Can I return home and expect my mother to feed and clothe me whilst I return to college and retrain? No chance.

this kid hasnt left education though. you (presumably) have.