Fustrated step mum - had enough of it all!

cord123

princessdreamer wrote: »

Courts will go for set access as it is deemed in the childs best interests. As for being ill, when I am ill I have my children as I have them 24/7, there are times when I have had to literally crawl on hands and knees to look after toddler as I could not physically stand up. Had to order take out for tea as no way I could cook. it is rare but it happens.
As for smoking guilty a couple on a morning, then while DD is at nursery and a couple on a night, the DR says ex causes too much stress to consider stopping.
However my children are well fed and their health needs are met, these are the only concerns I picked up as being valid in your post.

I completely agree, I had my son to look after. My OH point was that I owuld have had to drive for half anf hour to pick them up and then again in the morning (usually they are cared for on these days by my MIL so I am tehre anyway) I cant understand why she would want her kids to be with me and risk gettign ill while she was at home.......
as for the smoking - that is up to her, but is it nesseary to do it in the room that the girls sleep!?

princessdreamer

Your social life is of no concern to anyone, the only people who matter are the children. As I said the court will want the children to have set access. He is not babysitting the children, he is committing to having his children, whether the mother is working, out drinking or having sex in every room of her house on her time she can do what she likes.

Louise03

I am not sure on reading your posts whether you want your step daughters to live with you or not.
You say they are being neglected by their mum, but on the other hand seem to put up a good arguement for not going for residency.
Then the question of your OH ex's benefits and tax credits entitlement. Are you saying the girls stay with you and youe oh more than they stay with their mum? Because from what you have written it doesn't really sound like they do. Especially if at the last min when access has been arranged, you let them down. Also bear in mind she is a single parent and the benefits she receives are to help provide a home for her children.
If the children are really being neglected and as unwanted as you say then surely their father has no choice than to fight for custody so these girls can enjoy the same childhood as your son.

cord123

Gigglepig wrote: »

I agree with posters above that your OH should consider applying for having the kids living at yours.

The one point where I may disagree slightly with OP is the being sick/changing at short notice. I can understand why their mum would be annoyed if OP's OH changes things last minute. It is entirely up to him to arrange childcare during "his" days, i.e. if OH is too sick he should pay for a baby sitter not "dump" the kids with their mum.

I do agree, he just told her rather than risk the kids gettign the bug etc. TBH if it was me, I would rather keep my son than him go round a house where everyone is sick......

Ravenlady_2

You sound like you probably care 10x as much for these girls as there biological mother does, its not fair on them nor yourself.

I think you have 2 options, wait until the ex gets laughed out of court, if he's working then the girls cant stay, no court would force 2 children to have access with a step parent which is what would happen. Whole weekends are not easy to work around, I honestly doubt a court can order access to the NRP as I have tried in vain to get my ex to see his son for for than a few mins a week (i mean 30mins max) who has a set work routine but suddenly with a new gf on the scene and baby he cant do any more than a friday walk home from school.

Or go for residency.

princessdreamer

no smoking upstairs is never acceptable, I used to smoke outside but with a baby it was impractical. As I said I smoke less than a pack of ten per day, funnily enough it is a hangover from the ex who smoked/still smokes a lot.

Gigglepig

cord123 wrote: »

I do agree, he just told her rather than risk the kids gettign the bug etc. TBH if it was me, I would rather keep my son than him go round a house where everyone is sick......

Me too - unless I had to be at work etc

Perhaps, if this was not the first time, the ex may have felt your OH was taking the pi**

perhaps it would be nice for everyone if your OH got residency.

cord123

Louise03 wrote: »

I am not sure on reading your posts whether yoy want your step daughters to live with you or not.
You say they are being neglected by their mum, but on the other hand seem to put up a good arguement for not going for residency.
Then the question of your OH ex's benefits and tax credits entitlement. Are you saying the girls stay with you and youe oh more than they stay with their mum? Because from what you have written it doesn't really sound like they do. Especially if at the last min when access has been arranged, you let them down. Also bear in mind she is a single parent and the benefits she receives are to help provide a home for her children.
If the children are really being neglected and as unwanted as you say then surely their father has no choice than to fight for custody so these girls can enjoy the same childhood as your son.

I would l;ove them to live with us. I am not sure what I have said about not going for rescidency - perhaps I have worded it wrong.... In Oct we had them 16 nights out of 15.... my husband went on a school trip with them each so had them bith on those nights on top of the usual week night we have them, we also had them in the half term etc. We have them almost all of the holidays so August you can be sure we will have them more than her etc.
He didnt cancel, i think i worded it wrong... he said that he didnt think it was a good idea.... and did she want to keep them as I was sick etc.
I;m not sure unwanted is the correct phrae, i just honestly think that she is oblivious to what I would i would deem is basic parenting. She jsut wants to be the 'fun one' but my SD comes to me about the bullying etc becasue her mum doesnt listen and laughs it off.....

What is the best way to go... I know that the girls will want to stay with her because she is there mum, but in the long run I am worried it will be detremental.

My OH is already in contact with the school... he never got any letters about school assemblies etc casue his OH didnt want to 'waste' holiday on them so he know gets letters with dates on so he can make hisown arrangements. He also talks to them regarding their social skills at the school etc......

cord123

Ravenlady wrote: »

You sound like you probably care 10x as much for these girls as there biological mother does, its not fair on them nor yourself.

I think you have 2 options, wait until the ex gets laughed out of court, if he's working then the girls cant stay, no court would force 2 children to have access with a step parent which is what would happen. Whole weekends are not easy to work around, I honestly doubt a court can order access to the NRP as I have tried in vain to get my ex to see his son for for than a few mins a week (i mean 30mins max) who has a set work routine but suddenly with a new gf on the scene and baby he cant do any more than a friday walk home from school.

Or go for residency.

Men like him make me sick...... if only you my OH ex.... we could all be happy! :rotfl:

I am just hoping that they start to realise that just cause she will give them crsips for breakfast that isnt all it is cracked up to be! And me and their dad may be stricter but it is for their own good..... god i am turning into my mum! hahahaha :rotfl:

This is the only time we have cancelled...it isnt a regular thing!

fannyanna

Don't have any experience on this although I know a court will nto order access. No one can be forced to have/see a child.

What they could do though would be to agree with the ex that a structured timetable would be most suitable. They could then issue a take it or leave it ultimatum and you'd then potentially have no access rights.

I don't know - I'm just speculating but I really think it's worth getting in touch with a solicitor if you're not all able to sit down and come to a private arrangement.