My daughter dislikes my partner..

Jelly*baby

dizziblonde wrote: »

She's 13 - everything about her entire family is utterly hideously cringemakingly embarassing and a danger to her street cred for all eternity right now! That's without the potential minefield of mum having a... ew... boyfriend... and possibly even snogging him or having sex...! Boyfriends are reserved for her and her friends - old people aren't ever allowed to do anything like that because her generation invented snogging and all that stuff - didn't you get that memo?!

Lol thanks that made me smile! I know the scenario and age combined are a recipe for disaster!

Jelly*baby

19lottie82 wrote: »

Oh OP, I really feel for you this must be so hard. I guess your head would tell you to keep things as they are, and as long as your OH is a good guy and making an effort, she will eventually come round / grow out of it, but 18 months is along time.

I suppose you can't really send your daughter to a councilor because she doesn't like your new bf! Or do you think she has other issues that are contributing to this?

How good is your relationship with your ex? Would it be possible to invite his over for dinner with you, DD and OH? Not sure how it owuld help, but it's an idea! Especially if your DD could see you all getting along.

I think she hates me for leaving her dad and the factor that her best friends dad now lives with us. EVERYONE else though deals with this and life goes on but she is not letting go. Her dad speaks to my other half, they are not friendly but will say hello etc and her friends know and dont make a huge deal but none of that seems to help?

dirtysexymonkey

Jelly*baby wrote: »

Before i start, and will try to keep as short as poss just wanted to say i have ummed and ahhed over the months about asking for advice on here as sure i will get slated and my partner prob wouldn't be too impressed but feel i have explored every option. I have read countless scenarios online whcih don't really help either and at a bit of a loss now.

Quite tricky as he is her best friends dad. She is 13 and finds it embarrasing and odd, her best friends the complete opposite and deals with things so much better which doesn't help. My daughter has known him years like i have so i have no concern that this is anything directly with him as such just the fact that she finds things arkward.

We have been together over a year and life has been hard with her, she doesn't help herself by being really nice when she wants something then reverting back to being off again which annoys me. She is i guess the typical teenager however the rudeness and way she is with me at times is not acceptable. My family have witnessed her and my friends and all tell me it is her not us and she needs to get used to the idea..i however cope day to day but feel sorry for her deep down and dont know what to do for the best. I feel my relationship will suffer then feel guilty for not putting her 100% first. I have had 2 shall we say not great relationships since she has been born and finally feel i have found someone perfect however she doesn't agree.

She sees her dad 1.5 days per week, he is very supportive most of the time in helping me but doesnt have to put up with most of her moments so feel he has no idea really. Tonight i am going round with her to talk to him as we try to deal with things as they crop up so she can explain why she has said or done them.

Like i said very complicated and hard for us all and lost...anyone any ideas?

Thanks

i think thats the problem. it cant be easy being compared to her best friend in such unfavourable terms.

op you say she had to deal with two bad relationships of yours when younger. just how bad were they?

youve moved someone into her home. did you ask her beforehand? prepare her a lot? or did you just decide it will happen and take no notice of any objections that she may have?

your absolutely entitled to be happy, but not at the expense of your daughters happiness. if she doesnt feel comfortable and safe at home, then im sorry but youve done the wrong thing.

crazyguy

Been there seen it bought the Tshirt and for what its worth I personaly think that no amount of talking will change the situation as far as your daughter is concerned, my situation was quite simular and I had got together with someone who had 2 children both fairly young and it was very difficult at the start with her son who made it very clear that he didnt like me and I can understand why funny enough I now get on very well with him now he has grown up, as for the other child she was very well behaved and didnt cause any problems until she reached 14 and the way she acted around both of us was totaly appalling in the end it was the final straw with her behavour that made us split up.

I think it as an age thing and no matter what you do there will be a resentment aimed at you from your daughter and the time I think it will stop is when she turns into an adult.

From what you described in the OP it was a mirror image of my situation.

flutterby_lil

dirtysexymonkey wrote: »

your absolutely entitled to be happy, but not at the expense of your daughters happiness. if she doesnt feel comfortable and safe at home, then im sorry but youve done the wrong thing.

She never mentioned she doesn't feel safe and the fact that she is on here trying to sort things says a lot and thather daughters happiness, as well as her own, is very important.

Welshwoofs

Have you asked her outright if she has a problem with your partner and, if she does, what that problem is? If she says she doesn't like him, ask her why and if there's no concrete reasons then tell her that it'd make you very happy if she could try and give him a chance.

Honestly I think it's the case that sometimes kids hate the 'new man' for any reason and no reason at all. I couldn't stand my step-father when I was a kid, but when I grew up I realised I'd been really unfair because there was no reason to hate him...other than I just didn't want any man taking my Mum's attention off me. With an older and wiser head I realised that I'd simply been selfish.

dirtysexymonkey

flutterby_lil wrote: »

She never mentioned she doesn't feel safe and the fact that she is on here trying to sort things says a lot and thather daughters happiness, as well as her own, is very important.

her actions scream that she doesnt feel safe and comfortable. not safe in the sense of 'someone's going to murder her' but safe and comfortable enough to use her home normally. it sounds as if she cant do anything without it being compared to her best friend or others.

richardw

Did you move him in without having a chat with her?

crazyguy

richardw wrote: »

Did you move him in without having a chat with her?

What would that have to do with anything this is purely teenage issues here.

19lottie82

dirtysexymonkey wrote: »

your absolutely entitled to be happy, but not at the expense of your daughters happiness. if she doesnt feel comfortable and safe at home, then im sorry but youve done the wrong thing.

so the OP has to be alone forever because her teenage DD isn't happy that she split up with her dad? If her OH is a decent man, who has done nothing wrong, then I'm sorry, this isn't true.