My daughter dislikes my partner..

dirtysexymonkey

crazyguy wrote: »

What would that have to do with anything this is purely teenage issues here.

because the girl in question has already suffered due to two bad relationships of her mothers.

and its her home.

dirtysexymonkey

19lottie82 wrote: »

so the OP has to be alone forever because her teenage DD isn't happy that she split up with her dad? If her OH is a decent man, who has done nothing wrong, then I'm sorry, this isn't true.

absolutely not. i didnt say that at all.

but when the ops actions in getting into two bad relationships (which the op pointed out) have hurt her daughter, then surely one day the child should come first. that shouldve been day one.

crazyguy

dirtysexymonkey wrote: »

because the girl in question has already suffered due to two bad relationships of her mothers.

and its her home.

The saying tar everyone with the same brush springs to mind here and the house is the OP'S not the daughters.

dirtysexymonkey

crazyguy wrote: »

The saying tar everyone with the same brush springs to mind here and the house is the OP'S not the daughters.

the saying look before you leap springs to mind.

the house may be the ops, but its still her daughters home. that should be respected.

richardw

crazyguy wrote: »

house is the OP'S not the daughters.

It's the daughter's home and parents need to acknowledge this.

19lottie82

DSM, I can understand your point, but IMHO the idea of the OP throwing away a healthy relationship that makes her happy, because her DD hasn't gotten over her parents splitting up (whch was named as the main cause), isn't a realistic or sensible option for all parties involved

crazyguy

dirtysexymonkey

19lottie82 wrote: »

DSM, I can understand your point, but IMHO the idea of the OP throwing away a healthy relationship that makes her happy, because her DD hasn't gotten over her parents splitting up (whch was named as the main cause), isn't a realistic or sensible option for all parties involved

i havent said she should throw the relationship away. just give her daughter the consideration she deserves. it doesnt sound like the girl has come first much before (the two bad relationships) and has probably heard it all before.

elvis86

richardw wrote: »

Did you move him in without having a chat with her?

crazyguy wrote: »

What would that have to do with anything this is purely teenage issues here.

As others have said, it's absolutely relevant!

Whilst I agree that there's a camp that go too far RE the rights of kids (at the end of the day, the OP is the parent, she shouldn't have to ask her daughter's permission to do anything), I think that moving a partner in should be discussed with a teenage child. If only so that the parent can reassure them, or things can be handled in such a way that makes the change easier for the child.

Maybe even more so, given that it's a female child and a male partner (this may raise some privacy issues for her at an already difficult time what with puberty etc), and the fact that it's her friend's father.

The fact that the OP has mentioned 2 bad relationships prior to her current one is also relevant and may mean that special care should have been taken RE moving her current partner in.

She states that they've been together "over a year" and live together. Depending exactly how long they've been together and when he moved in, it sounds like this relationship may have moved pretty fast? If the 2 previous relationships the OP referred to also involved partners moving in, then that's quite a number of men that the daughter has had to adjust to living with in her short life.

Jelly*baby

Thanks ill try respond best i can to all questions

Her 'Dad' as in biological one was not a great dad, he used to hurt me and cheat on me..without going into detail he left me thank god for someone else my daughter was only a few weeks old so although she never saw anything she is now old enough to know he exists but we dont know where he is.

I then met who i call her dad (although my dd doesn't and has always called him by his name) and we were together 12 years, he brought her up and he's the one she sees still and all is ok between us despite the split.

She is a happy child as it goes but has more fed up moments with me. She does very well at school and has lots of friends, she can just turn on me and brings me and me OH down with her which is starting to impact on us as a couple.

As for me moving in with this man, we told her it would happen eventually and left it 6 months and nothing improved so we thought why not as whats to change..as it goes nothing. Yes he is the reson she avoids doing anything with us but her answer literally is 'he's *** dad'?

We have been on 2 holidays and she has ruined both of them to the point where we have decided not to take her next time..how bad do i feel but how many times do i let it happen?