Just lost my best pal

vodkachick68

So sorry to hear of your loss i just lost my boy cat today and i am absolutely gutted! He was only 15 months old and a lovely boy. I know exactley how your feeling,its just such a shock! Bigs hugs to you,RIP Ben xx

SnowyOwl_2

rising_from_the_ashes wrote: »

Awww Vicx (((hugs))) I remember when you lost your two and how devasted you were/are. Glad the wee ones are helping ease the pain a bit - hope you're making progress on the training!

I'm struggling with how quick it was (although very glad I didn't wait longer) and feel that I didn't have time to say goodbye properly.

I don't know if I'll feel any better when he comes home ... probably not but I want him with me.

I've just been and printed out some pics of him (will need to get some better frames as the ones I've got are awful) and have one on the fireplace and will put one in my bedroom. I just need to be able to see him (don't know if that's morbid or not) I'm hoping it'll help me sleep a bit better tonight knowing that I can turn on the light and see him.

Going out to work and not having him jumping around for his Bonio was bad enough but coming back in ..... I sat and howled in the car for ages before I could pluck up the courage to do it.

Dreading the weekend ....

Just keep busy, that really is the only way, especially so soon after your loss.

I got my Teddy's ashes back on Friday (also a sudden death, a much loved and adored kitty cat), and while I cried for him again I have a sense of his being home with me again. You may or may not feel like that for Ben - if you don't then you can still do something with the ashes, or you can just keep them and know that they are there close by.

rising_from_the_ashes

Well, the dreaded weekend has arrived & have no idea what I'm going to do to fill in the time:(.

Usually I'm thinking about where Ben and I will go (always go to the beach - loads round here to choose from or one of the many woods).

Think if it's nice, I may head down to the beach with a book and sit for a while.

I'm going to sound like "billy no friends" here and I do have some but they have their own lives to get on with, and many live many miles away so I rarely see a lot of them. Ben and I went everywhere together and it's so hard to think what I can do without him (I don't feel safe walking in many of the places we went without him - not 'cos they're bad places, just it feels creeps being in the woods by myself).


Snowy and Vodkachick so sorry to hear of your own loses .... it's not been a good week all round. I hope I do feel a bit better when he comes home - not sure when that'll be tho' they didn't say.....

Vicx a photo album does sound a great idea - I've loads of pics and far too many to hang on walls unfortunately. I guess in this digital age, we forget we can still print them out and put in albums. Will have a hunt around for a nice one ....

Person_one

rising, have you given any thought to vicx's suggestion of maybe bringing another dog into your life? I know its hard to even think about when you're still missing Ben so much.

There's a poem I know I've read but I can't find. Its incredibly moving and its written from the perspective of an older dog that's just passed away. He tells his owner how much he's appreciated the love and companionship and the safe warm home and that as his last bequest he wants to give that gift to a homeless dog who needs it. The dog doesn't want his owner's love and affection and time to be spent on him anymore, because he's safe and free from pain, but there are others that need it.

Ugh, I'm getting teary thinking about it. If the timing isn't right for you then you'll know when it is, but a new little life looking up at you with love and hope has an incredible healing power.

Person_one

I've just noticed that GR has already posted the poem, not sure how I missed that, sorry!

vicx

rising_from_the_ashes wrote: »

Vicx a photo album does sound a great idea - I've loads of pics and far too many to hang on walls unfortunately. I guess in this digital age, we forget we can still print them out and put in albums. Will have a hunt around for a nice one ....

Wilko's had some lovely one's in when I got mine back in May, they were really cheap too. It's worth a look in if you have a store nearby, they did have them online too. I got the ones where I can add a photo on the front then I added their names on in diamantes to personalise it, it was very time taking (especially since I had 3 to do for each dog then my parents wanted the same) but I enjoyed doing it, it helped with my grieving and I could look all at my memories - it made me cry and smile at the same time.

rising_from_the_ashes

Person_One it is a beautiful poem, and had me in floods when I first read it (and again as I've just re-read it now). I hate how he started his life (he was the unloved dog in the poem and spent his life in a kitchen before I was lucky enough to have him).

I hold on to the hope that one day I will be lucky enough to share my life with another ... but couldn't just now.

I also know it'll be very hard to find a dog that would be happy with my circumstances (Ben was happy to be left all day and in fact hated me coming home at lunchtimes to take him out) and wouldn't want to be unfair on one for my own selfish needs. ETA in case it sounds as if he was alone a lot, Ben was with me all the time when I wasn't at work, he did literally come everywhere with me and I never go out in the evenings without him. We'd only been apart for 4 nights since I had him.

Vicx - unfortunately no Wilkos near here but will keep an eye out. I've loads of photos all over the place on my pc so am going to sort them out and start printing. Hoping that'll keep me occupied for a wee while!


Really struggling with routine too - I had to go for a walk this morning as was up at 5 (there is a limit to how early I can go into work!) and it was awful by myself (and yes, I did howl practically the whole time I was out) but had no idea what else to do.

There is a small dog rescue not too far away and I know they're always looking for help with walking the dogs so may look into that in a couple of weeks (just couldn't atm).

I hate to say but I think today has been worse than yesterday - I knew it'd be awful when he went but really, really struggling.

Several times I've gone to the back door thinking he's in the garden .....

It rips my insides out to know he was in pain for his last few hours and just don't know how to get this out of my head.

virgin_moneysaver

rising_from_the_ashes wrote: »

Awww Vicx (((hugs))) I remember when you lost your two and how devasted you were/are. Glad the wee ones are helping ease the pain a bit - hope you're making progress on the training!

I'm struggling with how quick it was (although very glad I didn't wait longer) and feel that I didn't have time to say goodbye properly.

I don't know if I'll feel any better when he comes home ... probably not but I want him with me.

I've just been and printed out some pics of him (will need to get some better frames as the ones I've got are awful) and have one on the fireplace and will put one in my bedroom. I just need to be able to see him (don't know if that's morbid or not) I'm hoping it'll help me sleep a bit better tonight knowing that I can turn on the light and see him.

Going out to work and not having him jumping around for his Bonio was bad enough but coming back in ..... I sat and howled in the car for ages before I could pluck up the courage to do it.

Dreading the weekend ....

you're not being morbid, if a human member of your family passed away you'd still have photos of them around, the dogs are members of the family. It helped me enormously to have the pictures of Nell around & I'd talk to her everyday, still do. I went to the rescue centre yesterday to drop of some supplies and you cannot help but smile at all the waggy tails & eagerness for human attention. We're all different but when the time is right a new companion is out there, for me it was 8 months, others take longer, others not so long - have a look at some of my waggy friends at ManyTears - the emotions are running high this week, what with you & Sazzybum - its because we all love our four legged friends so much.

Person_one

There's a framed picture of our first family dog still up on the wall at my parents' house, nothing wrong with it at all.

sazzybum

I'm the same PO, I've got my first two very much loved dogs in frames on the wall, as are our two cats who died earlier this year(brother and sister).

I talk to them nightly-as well as my pets stars.

The dog walking is a good idea, but only when you're ready rising. You'll know when you are. Let no one rush your grieving. Take as long as you like. My heart hurts for you- it really does. And that offer is still open you know..

Aileen
xx