Shocked and desperately need advice!

Bunnyinthelights

Hi Dizzy and Taff,
This thread has struck a real chord with me as it almost identicle to my story (ok, minus 3 of the 5 children and it was me instead of hubby hiding the truth) BUT, 1 year on and things are getting better all the time.
I was over 50k in debt, I hid it and I has virtually nothing to show for it...I was stupid and ignorant and uneducated. I've learned SO much from this website.
I have decided to pay off the debt myself-my choice-but we are a family and my problem is his now as well. My credit rating is shot (don't care!) but my family is healthy, we have a warm house and we aren't lacking for anything. Stick together, you will get thru it. Feel free to PM me if you want any help,
Bunny x x x
ps
welcome baby Dizzy/Taff

dizzydaydream

Hello Everyone, just caught up on all your posts. Thank you again for all your support and helpful suggestions I'll try to answer everything in one go!
Firstly, I have never not worked or had money coming in! Hubby was at work when he posted so I obviously couldn't remind him about Maternity pay, sick pay, the party business I was trial running and the private lessons I was teaching! I've only not worked for the last month due to the baby and having a c-section and the fact that I purposely didn't take bookings due to this but bookings are coming in again already and as soon as the baby is into more of a routine with feeds, I shall go back to teaching private lessons which fit nicely around hubby's shifts. As far as adding to the business, we already do everything; invitations, food, cakes, face painting, party bags etc (too much to list!) but I was going to put the prices up this year so that will bring a bit extra in. Although hubby has had the mortgage to pay - his own choice - all the other bills come out of a joint account that we both pay into when the funds are needed. Admittedly there's not a regular amount going in there from either of us, it's more of a case of checking the balance and then paying more in. Most of the shopping had been done by myself up until having the c-section and not being able to drive! Unfortunately we've never had all our money going into one pot as hubby wanted us to keep our own seperate accounts but now all this is out in the open he's more than happy to do everything joint - at last! I already look after my friends little boy as a favour while she works so she can earn a bit of extra cash so can't really start charging her! I've started to look into ways of cutting back on expenditures, changing suppliers for utilities is a starter! I'm also trying to train hubby to economise (something I already do) ie to use the cloth for spills instead of kitchen roll or baby wipes, to cut back on the amount of toothpaste squeezed out in one go, to stop buying unnecessary food when he does the shopping and to buy shop's own brand goods! Hopefully I'll get there and house train him and the kids too!
I think we can get through all this no matter what the reason for the debts in the first place but I obviously need to see how/why for my own peace of mind and so we can work out a solution together. I'm just glad that I discovered them, if not they'd still be growing and I'd be none the wiser! I'll keep you all posted xxx

dizzydaydream

Hi Bunny,
Thank you for your post! Hopefully in a years time we will be in the same position as you and your family. I know it's going to be tough but we'll get there, especially with all the help and support on here!
Dizzy
xx

cabbage

Hi Dizzy & Taff

Just a bit of info regarding Carers Allowance
Carers Allowance is £46.95 per week. To qualify the carer must be providing 35 hours of care or more a week and you (the carer) must be over 16, not in full time education and not earning more than £82 per week.

In additon, Carers Allowance is an overlapping benefit, in other words it cannot be paid at the same time as some other benefits. However, if you qualify for carers allowance but cannot get it because of the overlapping, you have what's known as an underlying entitlement. What's the benefit of claiming this if you are not going to get any money? - The answer is that sometimes you get more benefit that way as most benefits are based on your personal allowance and this increases if you are getting this, for example council tax benefit.
Also you should get extra Child Tax Credits as you have a disabled child and as prevously mentioned, you get extra for a child under 1. The problem with Child Tax and Working Tax Credits is that they work out your maximum entitlement but then taper it depending on the amount of your income. If you do not have a current claim (not merely no money due to an overpayment) then you can only backdate 3 months. As far as the overpayment you can ask for hardship payments although this in the end increases the overpayment but it might get you more money whilst you are not earning.

My advice would be to see the Citizen's Advice Bureau, some have benefit workers that work specifically with families and they deal with debt, benefits etc, the whole lot. They really need to challenge your tax credit overpayment with a view to get it written off or offset against your current claim if there is one . I know its sometimes difficult to get an appointment but it may be worth the wait. If you do see a family worker they can deal with it all for you and you only need to deal with one person.

Finally, have a happy birthday and enjoy your baby and the other kids. I know its hard now, but you've dealt with the worst so it can only get better -the only way is up!

dizzydaydream

Thank you Cabbage!
I'm going to make an appointment with the CAB this week to see what help and advice they can give.
Best wishes,
Dizzy xx

miggy

dizzydaydream wrote:

I think we can get through all this no matter what the reason for the debts in the first place but I obviously need to see how/why for my own peace of mind and so we can work out a solution together. I'm just glad that I discovered them, if not they'd still be growing and I'd be none the wiser! I'll keep you all posted xxx

If it's important to you to know where the money's gone, how about you both keeping a detailed spending diary for a while? That might tell you both where the money is going now,while clearly every last bit of past expenditure is going to be hard to remember. If you write down everything, (maybe have a colour code so you can easily see who spent what,) and you do it together, you will soon pick up patterns and be able to see oddments that you can change.
The other side of doing this, which makes it fun, is to have a 'not spending' diary. By no means essential but every time you take a packed lunch you can add the total you would have spent on lunch out, every time you cycle, you can add a figure for the car journey - even add a token figure for every time you mop up with a cloth instead of a paper towel! All these savings are 'not debt' and can encourage you through the hard work.
Of course, one day when you have the debt sorted, you could do the same thing and put the money towards a treat.

Little_Miss_Winner

Hiya Dizzy,

Just been catching up, wow you have had some great advice, i realise that it all take a little while to sink in, and can be a bit overwhelming at first, but baby steps are whats needed!

Yes i also agree that you can both get through this, it will take a lot of hard work, but your hubby has said he will do whatever he can for you! So thats good.

The spending diairies are a great help too. I would buy yourselves a little diary tomorrow, one each. And being as it's Monday, start to write down each day exactly what you have spent and on what.

Your hubby may not like the idea of this at first, but he appears to want to do everything he can to make it right, so i think he will love this idea.;)

Miggy has explained above what to do, so it should be plain sailing for you both.:T

Keep us posted on where you are upto.

Is hubby joining in on the thread to, Hello to taff! :hello: it can be quite addictive knuckling down and paying debtors back one by one. He will probably enjoy the challenge.

Hugs to you, and keep posting
pot
xx

TallGirl

Please Dizzy call up and get your benefit checked out first thing on Monday Morning. Currently you do not have enough coming in to cover your debts so you really need to increase your income. Come on please do it Monday.

Little_Miss_Winner

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

yes, i agree with tallgirl. This is a priority.

xx

dizzydaydream

Hi Pot & Tallgirl,

I have the number written down by the 'phone ready to call first thing!:beer:

I've also got lots of spare paper so I'm going to get the kids to make booklets! Me and hubby can have spending/saving booklets and the kids can have tidying-up/helping booklets! Going to see who can come up with the most ways to save and economise too! It'll keep them amused for a little while and save money!

Hubby's working again tonight but I'm sure he'll read up and join the thread at some point.

I've found the old style board now so I'm going to read up on some tips!

Thanks again to all,:A
Dizzy xxx